I have something to share but it almost not worth mentioning due to the fact nothing it will never happend nor will it prove anything. Sure its a truth and but its trans-phasic honesty...its a whim...and its better to keep in the dark.

Other than that...I hate the holidays and the baggage that comes with it.

Anyone want to go camping?

I know I am in complete control, I just got to keep on going and be strong, open, thoughful and compassionate. If that is the initial then it will not be as hard to sustain.

Well my dumbass made it to some degree, I won an award one of the highest. I am happy yet feel undeserving....

we all should strive for the best without any notion of praise but for what is worth in our hearts.....

dude i had so much fun last night, I skated and busted my ass. I hurt and need a massage but it was a night to remember!

I am so so fucking bored!!

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Well I should be studying a lot harder, but their is so much going on it is distracting to say the least. As if anyone cares, I am preparing to take a LEED (Leadership in Energy and Enviromental Design) exam to qualify as a green designer. At least in Florida there is much bitching about Bush's lack of enviromental provisions/policies and hurricanes which amounts to a weeping symdrome from the liberals. And the conservatives are pretty much clueless as to what to do because most view green practices as unproven fad. What possibly distrubs me more so is the fact the youth (emo/earthy kids my age or younger) bopping around in thier vw's slurpping lattes and what-not just bitching about politics, world and NOT DOING ANYTHING.

I am pretty tired of complainers who expect results. So what if your rights are violated or the earth is being raped? If you really care do something about it...it is really is not that fucking hard (well it is to some degree if you want to go into the professional field of it).

LEED

I just received back my 19 LCD from getting 'inspected' for repairs. I complained about backlight leakage, but I guess according to thier QC it is perfect. I mean other than that, it is perfect. I am seeing shit I have never seen before...it is amazing. It makes viewing the suicide women and photoshop even better at any angle

I just ordered this chair to save my back:



It is made by Jorbi who orignally began production of this chair back in the 70's in Norway. You can sit in 4 different ways, it basically saves your back and reduces stress on your neck and shoulders. Oh and it has tempur-pedic pads

I feel like building something, but don't know what. I want to grab a band saw and create some cool wood sculpture. Back to factoring...

Life is so weird at times. Today on the phone I found out a friend of mine committed suicide. I was fooled, I thought at times he drank excessively but we were at our dive bar and well I drink too (duh). The atmosphere really plagues perception a great deal even for well-educated and acute minds like myself lol.

I usually just show up at this bar alone and have met him and his friends several times. I guess the sad part is that he was really beginning to take interest in my activities and even showed up during my activist event. I socially sidelined him. I was distracted by someone who I really needed to talk with about several plans. Lastly when I looked back, he was gone. That was it has been nearly a month since I have seen him and then he took his life. This was the month he was going to help us.

It is unfortunate, he was a handsome chap and lively, plus I heard he was set up for an awesome job. Suicide is something situated between one's ego or nobility, fear, defiance, exchange/salvation, spiritual curiosity, or sometimes the "oh, shit what have I done things are turning black and I can't stop anything" mistake. There are probably more many more basic reasons, filled with an endless cluster fuck of issues. The fact remains we are all free willed animals so we make our choices. He made a choice and now it is up to us to process his actions if we want to. All things change and well, like any creature he might have felt what we generally viewed as 'death', is a process of change (not termination).

In my belief the world is not beautiful/ugly. Generically, it was never attended to be that way or life itself. In my own beliefs, I am not unique, nor is many things ipods or hot boys, girls, sexy plants or furry creatures. We happened by chance and well, we constantly react. However, seeing and being convince beyond the generic through one's or many's interpretation or (devices) either through what we classified for simplicity as subjects of art, religion, leadership, chivalry, sports or humanity (etc..) can be breathtaking and in my opinion the unique or the reason to see the next day. It is not about numbers, but your quality. Not about following (mmm, but agendas in time can ripe a dramatic proposals) but making a choice through your own investigations. So we choose to change a situation in someway (for our free will choice) sometimes very unclear and/or wrong or right to others, but that is life. In any event I hope before his transition he found a bit of peace. And yes I do admire how he was planning to change things for something he really liked, how he was going to help me with the gardens (very awesome and stunning). I will miss him and those missed opportunities that would have brought us closer. Most unfortunate this is! I am not sure if I want to get into this any deeper, I am weary of drastic events.

Sadly today is my mom's birthday, she was essentially my family and would have been 67. These past 2 weeks have been complex there is nothing but work, some progress, many sleepless nights and compromised foresight.

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
Dag Hammarskjold (1905 - 1961)

But as of now, I do not wish to measure in greatness or something rash; to leave some sort of brand in life. I am just lonely. And at times I am comfortable with the fact that I have always been private, (I cherish that I know things or feel things in my own way, untainted) but in the asthestics of one's well being or emotional comfort it really hits the heart (and we all do have some emotional hearth). There is nothing on the radio I like, nor the TV, polished religons, dyson vacums or ipods. I have accomplished so much and I do have interests, but I want to have 'fun'. I want a strong family of friends, mentors and richness in diversity which is something I fight for in my activist duties.

I need people in my life, either to go on golf carts to play jouist or to plan a bowling night then hit the airport and get crazy. I need a social re-boot.

It is 2:59 am and i just completed 85.7% of protest flyer for this public input meeting for a Riverwalk (a proposed walk way along a major river here in downtown Tampa). I do not mind pedesterian thru-fare along a river, but the city's version of the walk could potentially destroy a critical portion of a modern park (done by a recent landscape master) that I have been trying to save. My flyer has a modifed GIS map image (aerial map) of the actual site where this walk will occur, then a blow-up plan showing access and finally a perspective. I am very confident I have solved a very a complicated problem of varying levels of topography plus reduce the amount of enviromental impact to the river, increase access by a factor of 3, and reduce the amount the building and materials. Again this 28 year old punk presents the city another proposal that will save them millions, lets hope the public adores what I propose to put some pressure on the city admin.

More than likey, I will be the only one what will be handing these out as my partners have been acting strange. Most of the youth here can give 2 shits, (I really hate my culture and stupid people as you can tell). Lately my emotions that have been lingering are beginning to rot my frontal lobe. I have been doing a lot of things alone and it is getting drastically lonely by the minute...I need some fun and attention.