Im way confused? So supposedly according to an email someone paid for my account to reopen. Either that or it was done by sucidegirls.com to try and get me back on the site to resign up?...
Well if it was you, send me a message.
Thanks...

New Computer
Now I just need a new job before I get laid off

I just realized I've been ignoring avocados for years, whats wrong with me, I've got ideas
I also have been experimenting with weird tacos

Fixing my computer, also cant log in at work so if no one hears back, thats why.

Well seems like I can kind've get it to work, so who knows. I'm ordering some new parts so hopefully I can make it last a little longer.

Damn. I was already not on the good news tip and then I found out that due to budget cuts thanks to the state defecit I may not be able to work my job for the summer. I was at least hoping I'd have the summer months and would be able to save up some money. The only possible good thing is that I might end up moving if I find a job somewhere else, but who knows.

I got back after some basketball and waited a while to cook myself some bbq chicken on the grill and in the dark since its perenially black in the neverending winter that is Minnesota 7 months of the year. I thought I had burnt it and not that I mind I would have eaten it,but turns out I got it off just in time with some grilled vegetables and a spare lime. I feel like fruit doesnt get its due in dinner dishes. People need to learn to love the spare fruit and cook it up with their assorted meats. Below is good music.

DivShare File - El Guincho - Antillas.mp3

DivShare File - Sonny Okosuns - Fire in Soweto.mp3

DivShare File - Justin Townes Earle - I Don_t Care.mp3

Curtis Mayfield is the fucking man. Seriously, I mean, fuck.
List of Dead Musicians I'll Never get to see live but wouldve liked to

Curtis Mayfield
Elvis Presley
Led Zeppelin (full lineup)
The Who (Full Lineup)
Hendrix
Nirvana
Muddy Waters
John Lee Hooker
Howlin' Wolf
Beatles (The Good Die Young, shit seems like McCartney and Yoko Will liver forever)
Rick James
The Ramones
The Stooges (not that new bullshit lineup even though I need to see Iggy before I die, I think he'll probably outlast me. The guy made it through the seventies, I'm pretty sure he can live through anything)
Rufus Thomas
Prince Nico
Bob Marley
Peter Tosh

I need to go through my artists to find more but those are probably the tops

So tonite before meeting some friends for a movie I dropped by a friends place to return a book I borrowed and talk music (about a year ago I got him educated proper on hiphop and sometimes we talk other music, and discuss new Lil Wayne mixtapes). So we were talking and he lives in an artists loft and is a pretty good painter. During the days he works a before and after school program and paints in his free time. So we were in a conversation and without any real intention more just a casual description he said "you're not an artist." Unfortunately, except in wide variety Andy Warhol way I realize that besides fucking around here and there, I've got so many things I'd like to make and do, and havnt put the focus on any of them, and that generally he was right.

That fucking stung too, I mean, it's completely true, I fuck around with a few instruments lying around my place here and there and put some words to paper for album reviews but really, the creative endeavors I'd like to pursue, I routinely hide from. I don't know if it's an anxiety thing and also a general fear of failure. I don't like doing things bad. I want pretty much everything I do to be epic, and realized. That's not to say I manage to follow through but damned if I don't try, but I don't do well with the imagined hopes and expectations if I'm scared they're not all I hope they'll be.

But fuck it, I feel like my life makes the most sense right now that it has in years, there seems to be a focus that's developing and fuck if I won't now be motivated out of spite. I'm not angry at my friend, but I am angry at the fact that it's an unfortunately accurate description. "I'm not an artist" But damned if I'm not gonna try to be.

So tomorrow I have to get up early, absolutely have to, because Jays stops serving breakfast at 11. Supposed to be one of the best breakfasts in the cities, I need to get down there by 10 or so. Im gonna see what they say I should have but right now I'm excited to snag a breakfast burrito, so it sounds good. Just need to get to sleep so I can get up and get breakfast.

Dish for tonite: Spicy Grilled Tilapia with Grilled Asparagus and a pike of diced grilled green peppers. Fucking delicious. Unfortunately after reading a couple of Anthony Bourdain's book, I feel a constant need to cook, and get better at my 2nd rate practice. Still it's kind've nice to have that motivation that keeps you from buying almost anything premade (fuck you frozen pizzas...until the next time I'm tired, lazy and hungry and don't have the ingredients or a full tank of gas hooked up to the grill).

I also need to throw down on some more indoor untensils, a wok perhaps, and a better saucepan among the many required tools. I also want to get some more colorful dishes. Sounds dumb as hell, but if I see some real rad dishes I can't help but imagine that I'd like my food even more with a little color under the hood as it were. That's part of my down to the littleist detail need to make things as awesome as possible. Damn you faded slightly beige and undistinguishable dishes, why don't you make my food look more appetizing. Thankfully I'm too cheap to go buy dishes I don't need.