im a suicidegirl and i still cant get used to it. you know, i am sure there are probably a thousand of us (us!!) here who by now take the entire thing for granted; and if someone asks they can be all cool and nonchalant like Oh yeah man, im SG, its been a while now, so how about them red sox?
but for me... well.... lets say im not the nonchalant type. im no al pacino. i want to get a megaphone (preferably STEAL a megaphone. from the PIG COPS.) and preach it to the dull, sheep-eyed masses. buy a soapbox and shout it. yeah, i could think of one or two things to say about it.
quoting the white stripes aside, i am determined to keep this at the front of my brain. i refuse to dwell on stupid assholes (no, its not anyone on here, dont worry, its an alias anyway) and how these people are trying her damnedest to fuck with me and cause me enough stress so i just quit school. well, fuck that small-minded, self-absorbed, egotistical, mindless, 'hi im 27 but i think im twelve' horseshit. i have 900 hours in. if anyone there is under the deluded belief that im going to back down and run away with my tail between my legs, that person or persons is royally mistaken. see, it comes down to maturity and just... i think if you dont like a person, if there is bad blood between two or three or five million people; i think the wisest course is for them all to just leave each other alone.
so school aint as awesome as it once was, and... christ, sometimes i just want to get away from everything and everyone. its no fun at all trying to be the adult in a situation where everyone seems to be attempting to slip you up and catch you in a lie or a trap. much about that school (its a school of cosmetology by the way. about 60 girls and maybe 3 boys. not a good mix.) girls are backstabbers from way back. from possibly as far back as the beginning. girls know exactly how to hurt other girls. and thats not my nature. it isnt. id rather just walk away if someone starts screaming at me because once voices rise, that means the person is on the edge of losing control and i dont want the free show. i just want to be left alone. there are maybe 5 or 6 people there out of a solid 80 (instructors included) that i genuinely like and enjoy being around and whose company i seek out. there are a few others i believe im on decent terms with, but when push comes right down to shove, the goddamn building is a goddamn rumor mill and who knows? do you know your friends? youre lucky if you do. youre lucky if you even have flesh and blood friends.
my generation doesnt have friends. we dont go out. we dont socialize. we do nothing. we watch our televisions; the same programs so we will be sure to have something to talk about at work or school the next day.
i think its really sad.
all our thinking is being done FOR us. and who is in charge? i would dearly enjoy blaming it on george dubya, but its not him. its nobody. or everybody. we are rapidly evolving into a race of zombies.
i could possibly have at least a little respect for this if someone would just start the revolution and start the mass killing sprees.
sighhh. once again, all the responsibility falls to me. christ.