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hello everyone out there...any advice on what to do with all the things that remind you of the one that broke your heart??? It seems every time I turn theres a damn reminder of something we did, something we bought, a place we went, a painting I drew of him, a sugar bowl we bought in Arizona! AGHGH!! i feel retarted!! I can only imagine how sad people feel when they get divorced. We were only together about a year and I'm struggling'' People say it hurts this way because I actually cared. which i guess is comforting but I'm kinda stuck in "oh fuck, im sad land..." Waking up in the morning is bittersweet, going to bed at night is getting easier, but the damn radio keeps playing all those fucking amazing break up songs..hmmmm
anyhow, Ive decided to learn swing dancing on wed. nights at Valley swing in San Fernando. Anyone heard of it?? I went to a party the other night and of course the most handsome GAY guy (aquarius) ballroom danced with me all night!! It was amazing!! I've never danced with someone that new how to lead and can I just say I smiled and giggled for an entire hour!! My upper body was sore from keeping my posture and arms up..it was worth every pain!! so now I'm hooked!! Looking for a partner to take lessons , ballroom, latin, swing , whatevea!!!!!!!! Prefer in the valley but I know there is so much offered on the west side but if anyone knows anywhere to go or has any recommendations please let me know! I have a dance background so i'd love to dance with someone that has a little bit of skill already. And some style wouldn't hurt! Am i asking too much??? lol
Well, off to start my glorious March 2 day 2006..weeeeeee!
anyhow, Ive decided to learn swing dancing on wed. nights at Valley swing in San Fernando. Anyone heard of it?? I went to a party the other night and of course the most handsome GAY guy (aquarius) ballroom danced with me all night!! It was amazing!! I've never danced with someone that new how to lead and can I just say I smiled and giggled for an entire hour!! My upper body was sore from keeping my posture and arms up..it was worth every pain!! so now I'm hooked!! Looking for a partner to take lessons , ballroom, latin, swing , whatevea!!!!!!!! Prefer in the valley but I know there is so much offered on the west side but if anyone knows anywhere to go or has any recommendations please let me know! I have a dance background so i'd love to dance with someone that has a little bit of skill already. And some style wouldn't hurt! Am i asking too much??? lol
Well, off to start my glorious March 2 day 2006..weeeeeee!
well let's see....
he came back, asked to come over and watch me my make hoola hoops all night ...avoiding all the questions we'ver been talking about so I brought it all up, tired of the struggle.
Told him he didn't have the balls to just break up so I'd do it and we could move on...BUt no, that backfired on me...after that he was ready to talk and wanted to remain with me as boyfriend/ girlfriend while he struggles through his emotions ...
hmmmmmm, I should have known....all he wanted to do was stay the night and my heart gave in to him and thinkning, ok, he's ready to step up and rock my world ...... but then, he came and I didn't and I'm fucking pissed!!!! Damn pre- ejaculation! What is the fucking point of having make up sex if you can't even last 10 minutes????
so, I thought about all of this while he was sleeping so peacefully and I was left hangin'......what am I doing??
so, the next night I met him and had to break it down, and break it off.....
Of course, it wasn't so smooth and now we are at odds...but it gets better...
one of my best friends had to tell me she heard through the grapevine that were already broken up and he had plans to do so when we got back from europe,......damn, ouch...
.why would he say something like that to a friend at a party knowing it would get back to me??? maybe thats why, cause he doens't have any balls...
anyhow my ego 's all bent outta shape and I can't believe I just ranted thru this entire journal...someone feel free to slap some fucking sense into me and tell me why the fuck do I care and why do some lovers not make sure you get off if they get off??? is it soooo hard to take care of someone??? isn't there like a sex ettiqute class somewhere that says hey, it's a team sport, love .... anyhow, closure is needed and Im ready to meet a man who can....thanks for listening
he came back, asked to come over and watch me my make hoola hoops all night ...avoiding all the questions we'ver been talking about so I brought it all up, tired of the struggle.
Told him he didn't have the balls to just break up so I'd do it and we could move on...BUt no, that backfired on me...after that he was ready to talk and wanted to remain with me as boyfriend/ girlfriend while he struggles through his emotions ...
hmmmmmm, I should have known....all he wanted to do was stay the night and my heart gave in to him and thinkning, ok, he's ready to step up and rock my world ...... but then, he came and I didn't and I'm fucking pissed!!!! Damn pre- ejaculation! What is the fucking point of having make up sex if you can't even last 10 minutes????
so, I thought about all of this while he was sleeping so peacefully and I was left hangin'......what am I doing??
so, the next night I met him and had to break it down, and break it off.....
Of course, it wasn't so smooth and now we are at odds...but it gets better...
one of my best friends had to tell me she heard through the grapevine that were already broken up and he had plans to do so when we got back from europe,......damn, ouch...
.why would he say something like that to a friend at a party knowing it would get back to me??? maybe thats why, cause he doens't have any balls...
anyhow my ego 's all bent outta shape and I can't believe I just ranted thru this entire journal...someone feel free to slap some fucking sense into me and tell me why the fuck do I care and why do some lovers not make sure you get off if they get off??? is it soooo hard to take care of someone??? isn't there like a sex ettiqute class somewhere that says hey, it's a team sport, love .... anyhow, closure is needed and Im ready to meet a man who can....thanks for listening
Thank you everyone for your advice...I feel better already...On to the next adventure, teaching Hoop Workshops in the Park and saving for BURNINGMAN!!! See ya all in the hoop!! Love, Xiola 
help..i'm so sad...I told a certain someone that I've been with for over a year now that I loved him and wanted to know what he wanted out of our relationship and he said he thinks he's "incapable of loving"....WTF!!!!
I mean really, what does that mean??
he also said he doesn't think i'm the one, he doens't want to make the same mistakes his parents made, etc..etc...
basically I think I just got dumped but he's totally fine with us hanging out...we also just got back from a trip to Europe and everything was cool...now that we are home , he's back to his old routines and damn, I sound pathetic!!! Really, what I need is some ass kicking advice and on how to move on cause who wants to be with someone who doens't know what they want....
I just want someone to return the love....I dont want to feel like Im wasting my time and energy to anyone who cannot love me , or at least try....damn. This sounds so sappy, I normally don't care but fuck, I fell for him..I fell for us...and now that I asked where does he see us, it backfired...he shut down and shut me out...
damn valley boys, why the fuck did I go out with a boy from the valley??? oh yeah, cause he's cute and speaks spanish and italian.....well, i guess the cuteness has replaced dumbness ...by the way he's 27 ( and still lives at home) and I just turned 29..so any advice on this would be great....
lovesick in la.... 
I mean really, what does that mean??
he also said he doesn't think i'm the one, he doens't want to make the same mistakes his parents made, etc..etc...
basically I think I just got dumped but he's totally fine with us hanging out...we also just got back from a trip to Europe and everything was cool...now that we are home , he's back to his old routines and damn, I sound pathetic!!! Really, what I need is some ass kicking advice and on how to move on cause who wants to be with someone who doens't know what they want....
I just want someone to return the love....I dont want to feel like Im wasting my time and energy to anyone who cannot love me , or at least try....damn. This sounds so sappy, I normally don't care but fuck, I fell for him..I fell for us...and now that I asked where does he see us, it backfired...he shut down and shut me out...
damn valley boys, why the fuck did I go out with a boy from the valley??? oh yeah, cause he's cute and speaks spanish and italian.....well, i guess the cuteness has replaced dumbness ...by the way he's 27 ( and still lives at home) and I just turned 29..so any advice on this would be great....
lovesick in la.... wow..that was some set!!! i really like looking at this creation..thanks everyone for such fun comments...it's such a trip to see your self nakey on the internet...guess I cant quite get used to it...it's another late night and i cant sleep...I just returned from a month in Europe where I spent my birthday!!! I can't believe I did that either..wow..i guess I am really doing the things I said I always wanted to do..hmmm
interesting...of course today I feel so blue ...its a big reality check to go back to work when you,ve been traveling for 30 days...well at least I hoola hooped in 3 different country's and shared the swirly spirit !! fuck im tired and i cant even spell...good night
interesting...of course today I feel so blue ...its a big reality check to go back to work when you,ve been traveling for 30 days...well at least I hoola hooped in 3 different country's and shared the swirly spirit !! fuck im tired and i cant even spell...good night
Dance Dance Dance- Rehearsing my #'s for you folks- get ready for some hoop in action! so happy to be dancing- Have a show tonight at The Hotel Figueroa with Anahata...always makes for an intersting evening...the power went out today in L.A. as I was trying to go to my local Trader Joes but no-no-no...everything shut down for about 2 hours today...no wonder why it took me 45 min. to exit the freeway...yikes..only 2 weeks until the tour....time to finish costumes..weeee!!
Ohmygoodness! THANK YOU EVERYONE for such fantsatic , hysterical, thoughtful comments! I am overwhelmed with all the beautiful words and taking a deep breath !! PHEW!!!! What an amazing community out there!! I hope I get a chance to see you all on the tour or somehow, somewhere....in the meantime, keep on hoopin', groovin' & movin'!! --hoops&kisses-miss xiolita suicide 
Holy Hoopin' Moly!!! I can't believe I get to hoola hoop as a Suicide Girl and spread the swirly love of Xiolita to all yall!!! What a honor it is to be surrounded by so many amazing, creative, intense, beautiful , rockin' chicks!! Thank you Missy for such a lovely hot, L.A., rooftop photo shoot! I'm looking foward to the tour and hope to see you all at the shows! -Keep on Hoopin'- Miss Xiolita Suicide
