And....we're off!! So long san diego, it's been fun. Now I get to road trip up the coast with the beautiful Chloe. I'm sure many many pictures will taken along the way.

AND once we reach Humboldt I finally get to see my Franklin again!!!!

7 days left in san diego.....

i am sooooo confused.

Why can't i just stick with how i feel about my ex boyfriends? Why must i talk mad shit about them to my friends and hen meet up with them only to be re-charmed by them? What is wrong with me? Was the last BF really terrible or was it all a matter of a bad situation and poor communication? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

My deadline for leaving SD is barreling at me like an angry bear. I have too much to do and too much to figure out before i leave. I need more time to think.

Song of the day on the "Boo-Fucking-Hoo" mix by miss chloe is very fitting.

Trapped in a dark cycle
It's feeding off itself
Ignore, brush away, the spiral
That keeps pulling back

You're in the way
Move out
You're in the way

Pack in a haste escape
With no one left to tell
Hope, let a clean start again
Can stop this spinning

You're in the way
Move out
You're in the way



Sigh......

For the record: Dry humping someone's stomach is not hot.

I don't remember the last time someone had me breathless and stunned. Lately it seems to be a whole lot of being in the middle of something and having a moment of staring at the wall going:

"I'm bored"

I feel like I'm due for some natural chemistry again. It's been a few years since I've been with anyone that I have that natural intensity with. You know how some people just fit...and everything is explosive, hot and crazy. And it's not about how you feel about them mentally, it's all about your bodies just working together. I miss that.

Instead it's been vicious neck sucking, laughable agressiveness, people being way too serious, nipple chewing and little girl noises....that are in no way coming from me.

Oh well. Perhaps Portland will offer something more exciting.

In other news:
-I've been cooking and baking a lot. Generally being very housewifey in return for the place to stay that my ex has given me. We're actually really enjoying living together. Who would have thought.
-I miss my Frankie Beans terribly. I'm beginning to forget his fuzzy face.
-I need a job in Portland. Give me one.

That's all.

Quick question...
Does anyone else find Miley Cyrus at creepy as i do? Am I just getting old? I see her and she reminds me of the 18 year old strippers i used to work with. These evil little entities that just figured out how to work their sexuality and are all coy glances and smirking perky lips. The difference is that she's fucking 15.

Barf. Barf. Barf.

Seriously.

I've decided to photo journal my last few weeks in San Diego. Generally when I move I do it within a week or two...or a day or two...of deciding I want to leave. This move, though sudden and rash, is the most "planned" I've ever done. Therefore I have a fair amount of time to sit around and think about the things that I'll miss.

The older I get, the more I appreciate my surroundings. I wish that I had taken this many pictures in all my other cities. Better to learn late than never learn.

Another lesson learned today...I was out on the cliffs taking pictures and I wanted one of myself there. For some reason I've always thought it was so cheesy taking a picture of yourself for your own personal album. But i guess somewhere in this self love journey I'm on I decided, fuck it, I'm one hell of an important aspect in my life....duh. I want memories of myself in all these places and I will take a god damn myspace-arm-out-style picture of myself wherever the hell I want!

So anyway, the beginning of the end of my San Diego chapter started in Escondido, dogsittiing for some golden retrievers with vast reservoirs of shit stored in them, in a beautiful house in the hills. Nice view eh?

For the most part I sat in their giant bath tub, guzzled vodka and read. Oh and cuddled with giant stinky Ben.


And in the midst of this exile I decided to lop all my hair off again.


Moving on to my new temporary home in Ocean Beach with Jordan. I would say the surroundings are far, far better here. Had I been able to afford it I would have lived here for my entire time in SD. It's a perfect little gem full of surfers, old bikers, hippies and travelers. This is the view on my drive home from work on our street.


Jordan's place is midget sized on the inside. When you open the fridge, the door hits the opposite counter and traps you in the kitchen. And he pays a RIDICULOUS sum of money for it. Seriously, mind numbingly, expensive. BUT....The outside makes up for it.....

There's a huge deck that wraps around the whole house. I've been sitting here and reading all day.
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There's even a garden.
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It's a half a block to the ocean from our front yard. I walked down to the cliffs today and watched a bunch of little boys jumping off of them into the ocean. It's so amazingly beautiful here.








It looks cloudy in the pictures but it's very warm...warm enough for me to wear shorts, which I never ever, ever do no matter how hot it is.


Even though i love the ocean and the beach so much I'll never be comfortable in a beach town like this. I feel awkward when I wear shorts and sandals. I like wearing too much eyeliner and being pale. I get weird looks when I try to be beachy. I think I'm better suited to northern beaches where I grew up. Where you can hike around and climb on rocks and everyone looks at you fun if you go to the beach and just lay there. I love the craggy, lush, dark beaches of home.

In other news:
Chloe has a HUGE cat.


And i found these on clearance at a wig shop. Art project!!!!


Stay tuned for more goodbye to San Diego pictures.
xoxoxo

puke puke puke.

God.

I will be squealing happy to be done with the shit in my life that makes my guts churn....like my job...and stuff.

Speaking of which, being on the boards is not helping. Jesus christ, people.

I miss the good ol' days.

Ya know what sells things at a yard sale? Tits.

You know what works better, giving stuff away...and tits.

and...bear suits...

...and using computer chairs as a source of entertainment....

and just generally being assholes in the street...


Good times.

When i move, I'd like a new name.

I've never liked mine and I want a fresh start. I doubt I'm ballsy enough to do it. I'd just like to leave behind my name with all the mistakes of my past and be a brand new girl.

I'm open to suggestions.

Chris says he's going to start calling me charles.

Jordan already calls me William for reasons unexplained.

Ryan calls me Say in mockery of how my name is spelled but I love it when he calls me that so it's okay.

I'd like a new nickname.

In other news:
-I miss Frankie. My dad makes him do his weird little howl every time i call home and it makes me almost cry. I'm such a dork.
-I'm in escondido for eleven days now. I'll be quite alone. Apparently the neighbors will be watching me to make sure i have no friends over. What good is a hot tub and a view if there's no one to share it with?
-I have some really entertaining pictures from our yard sale but since everything i own is either in storage or piled in my car i have no idea where the cord is to connect the camera to my computer.
-I'm getting my half sleeve-y thing finished tomorrow at 10 am. Yay. Hopefully I'll get to debut it in a set before I leave here.

And...that's about it.

There are a million things i want to write. None of which would be a good idea.

I'm so ready to be out of this city. The last month or two has been very eye opening and I don't like what I see.

It might be my last two weeks here. I'm not sure I can or want to stay any longer. On friday I'll be driving 30 minutes away to dogsit some happy go lucky golden retreivers in a huge house in the hills. I plan on coccooning myself there and being very quiet. Trying to hear the thoughts in my head more clearly. After that might be a good time to go.

I know I seem rather serious lately which is unlike me. This is a nice kind of serious though. It's not the angsty depression serious that I was wallowing in for so many years. It's a taking stock and cutting the fat kind of serious. A growing up sort of kind of serious. A paying attention to me and not other people so much kind of serious.

I'm still a complete jack ass. Don't worry.

I miss my Franklin.