So. I graduated. Yay me! I now have a Master of Public Health. I'm currently in job search hell. Apparently, positions that would need an MPH are a bit rarer than I thought, and I have no desire to move.

I was speaking with an ex-SG hopeful the other day about entering the "real" work force, and about the potential of my "past' as a model getting out at work. She advised that I try to start erasing my naked internet presence as much as possible. Unlike her, however, I've been featured on numerous fetish sites from bondage to other weird stuff, and I don't own the content. I could make my profile here inactive, take down my ModelMayhem, and take down my zivity sets, but that's pretty much all I have control over.

What is your opinion, oh SG land? How much would it really matter that I'm no longer active on any websites if/when it is discovered that I participated in the world of the pr0ns? How proactively should I be at trying to take down my material. Is the cat already out of the bag, so to speak?

I've had a good 5 year run in the world of modeling (and on SG!), and I think I've come to that inevitable point where I don't exactly regret anything I've done, but I also don't wish to deal with the social fallout of it being discovered in my work place.

When you are naked on the internet, how likely is it going to be that you are one day found out by your coworkers? I think with today's face recognition technology, among other things, that it is highly likely. With that being said, then does it really matter if I take down my profiles on sites like SG and zivitiy? I don't frequent either one anymore, but I am proud of the work I've done, and I enjoy the community aspects of the sites.

I'm not sure what I'll do right now, but I'll mull over any input if you guys feel so inclined to throw in your two cents.

In other news, I made a pretty bitching Black Widow at Megacon.

It's been forever since I logged on! WHat's up people? Don't have much time, so I'll just post an article I recently wrote. Pic is from my most recent shoot. I cut my hair short again.

(An article I wrote for an online magazine)

By ToriBell

I am in a rather untraditional relationship. I’m 23, female, and more attracted to women than men. However, I have a boyfriend. We both have sex with other women, sometimes together, but most often our other liaisons are separate parts of our lives. Oh, and we are also into BDSM. We are both switches (both tops and bottoms), but we also tend to be dominate in nature and sexuality, especially when compared to your average Joe or Anne.

I do not know who else he is dating/sleeping with at any time unless he tells me. If I’m not allowed to be part of the deal, I’d rather not know about her. For me, it’s not necessarily jealousy, but more a feeling of being left out. There are certainly problems with an open relationship, but I cannot imagine a relationship that would work better for me (or has been in the past). The BDSM aspects of our relationship are perfectly fulfilled when we find a female submissive that we can dominate together. One of the best sexual and romantic feelings I’ve ever had was locking eyes with my bf as we both spanked a willing victim. It was a feeling of perfect understanding, a “I know you, I can share this with you, this dark part of me, and that is really sexy.”

Most polyamorous relationships I know of have more rules than my relationship with my bf. I sometimes wish I could put more rules on him and not have those rules apply to me, but I know that isn’t fair. Our main rule is neither of us controls what the other can or cannot do, nor do we have a right to put rules on the other unless it affects us. For example, I would be very upset if he had sex with another woman without a condom on. That could possibly affect my health, so it is my business. Other than that, his sex life is his own, and mine is mine. In the beginning of our dating relationship, I was also having sex with other men, but that faded out over time as I realized they just weren’t doing it right.

Women are another issue altogether. I don’t believe you can compare or rate sex with men and sex with women as if they were the same thing. There is something that is so different about having sex with women, so exciting, so indescribable. I understand sex with men better than I understand sex with women. I also have more sex with men (possibly because they seem to be more available and willing?). To be perfectly honest, I’ve had a lot of sexual encounters with women through my freelance modeling work. I don’t feel comfortable posing with men, yet I’ll have sex with a woman I met just that day if I find her attractive (and even if a camera is rolling). I consider it one of the perks of the modeling/porn industry.

I’m not sure what is so different about sex with women or why I have to have a special connection with a man in order for the sex to be satisfying. Is it perhaps because I see men as less safe? Have I overly sexualized women? I do tend to have relationships with men and casual sex with women. I often wonder why this is.

Another thought that comes to mind is if I’ll ever find a perfect, equal threesome. Is it possible to find something with a woman like what I have with bf? Could there be a chance that they two could love each other? I suppose this is one of my greatest fantasies to be involved in a polyamorous threesome where I have both my girlfriend and my boyfriend and we live happily ever after all together.

I’m afraid real life is just a tad more complicated. But a girl can dream, right?

Ok, totally quit my day job. Im not even sure how to get back into modeling full time, but here are some fun shots anyway! Forewarning: I'm obsessed with lolcats.

La Petite Mort

I find my relief, my solace
In our sex
I take your anger and give you mine

Then you break away
And sometimes the hunger is sated briefly
Other times the sadness washes over me in waves
It’s over. Done. I am alone.
I feel like I will never have my relief again.

You are gone from me
Even though you are still here
My desire rises
“Too soon, too often,” my body protests

It hurts to sit
Blood between my legs
From the havoc we have wreaked
My skin is red and bruised
My muscles are tired, weak

I still want you.

So I cling and I push
And ask for you to love my body once again
Fuck me even though it will hurt

Give me my petite mort
Give me my little death
Die with me slowly
Here in my arms.

(I stole this off Yesenia's Blog cause I'm lazy).

Official SG Party on May 1st in Orlando, Florida!! Located at Orlando Brewing - all organic brewery!! (1301 Atlanta Ave., Orlando, FL)

Myrtle, Mnislahi, Yesenia, and myself will be attending.

Sash is sending some SG goodies to hand out at the party.

Music by: The Soul Birds, One Man Team Dance, Whistle Stop, and Queen of Hearts. Music starts at 5pm and ends at 8pm.

I will be there drinking at around 3:30pm - but I believe most people will be arriving at 5pm. It is an early event.

FREE event!

I've been fostering a sweet pitbull named Angel (male, neutered, up to date on shots, microchipped).

I can no longer foster him due to where I'm living (liability and home owners insurance). I've been given three weeks to find him a new home. We actually graduate from obedience training in three weeks as well.

The rescue organization I've been working with is dogma: Dogma's site: http://www.dogmarescue.org/about-dogma-rescue

Dogma says he is perfectly fine to go to another foster home if the
person is willing to sign up through them.

Angel's listing: http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/17435087

Their write-up: "The name "Angel" can be used to describe his foster
mom who rescued this poor dog from the streets. Very few people would
take a chance on bringing a pit bull into their homes, but Angel's
foster mom saw a dog in need and took a chance on him, and we are so
glad she did.Angel has not let her down! He is house broken and crate
trained, LOVES other dogs, cats, kids, and EVERYBODY he meets! He is
truly an ambassador of his breed! Angel is neutered, microchipped,
vaccinated, heartworm tested (neg) and on heartworm and flea
prevention. His adoption donation is $150 and if you would like more
information, please email Amy@DogmaRescue.org"

Please let me know if you or someone else could give him a permanent or temporary home!! I'm willing to travel out of the central FL area for a few hours with him and his supplies (crate, walking harness, regular leash, two collars, flee meds, some food).

I had to write about global warming today for my environmental health class. I thought I would share and see what you guys think about the whole issue. I've generally been tired to death of the topic, but it apparently will become an issue affecting each and everyone of us if governmental policies are passed than restrict energy consumption or output of greenhouse gases. So, here's my opinion!

Global Warming

Ever since global warming hysteria pitched, I’ve been skeptical of many of the claims that people on both sides of the issue have made. I think money may be influencing the debate. Big companies and those who emit large amount of CO2 probably are throwing their weight to support studies that don’t find a link between CO2 and global warming, and all the people who are benefiting from campaigns and research are probably prone to supporting the global warming panic. For example, Al Gore has made a substantial amount of money from his books and movie, speeches, and investments in green energy policies (Broder, 2009). Critics say that, “Mr. Gore is poised to become the world’s first “carbon billionaire,” profiteering from government policies he supports that would direct billions of dollars to the business ventures he has invested in” (Broder, 2009).

Here are the things I do think are true:

1) Levels of atmospheric CO2 have greatly increased since humans started pumping it in large amounts into the environment (Nadakavukaren, 2006, pg. 369).

2) The world has gotten slightly warming since we have started to record temperatures in 1860 (Nadakavukaren, 2006, pg. 381).

I do not think these two facts necessarily have a causal relationship. One of the big things in research and statistics is to understand that a relationship between two factors does not necessarily mean causation in either direction. I think other greenhouse gases are not focused on because they are not as politically viable. For example, methane is admitted in large amounts by cows, but no one is going to suggest that Americans cut back on beef to reduce global warming (especially those who are invested in the beef industry like Al Gore).

Even our book seemed to present conflicting data with the information presented on the impact of global warming. Researchers found that ocean temperatures off the coast of Africa had experienced “wide, abrupt fluctuations… roughly every 1,500 years” (Nadakavukaren, 2006, pg. 380). Our current stable climate since recorded human history (about the past 10,000 years) is considered “an anomaly,” while frequent, quick changes in climate are the norm (Nadakavukaren, 2006, pg. 380). This data was presented in the context of the scenario that global warming could happen much faster than expected based on past changes. However, all those past environmental changes could not have been influenced by human hands. Climate change is normal, natural, and I think overall it is a great arrogance to think we could stop it.

The bigger issue for me here is that we should be finding more sustainable, less polluting energy sources with or without the threat of global warming hanging over our heads. We should voluntarily reduce our impact on the environment on all fronts for the health and sustainability of the entire planet, including our own species. I feel the whole argument about global warming is a bit of a mute point, and, certainly, shouldn’t be the focus of environmental change. I think reducing poisons in our environment should take higher precedence. Focusing on cutting energy usage will not only save Americans money, but reduce both greenhouse gases and harmful chemical pollutants. There really isn’t anything to lose by becoming “greener.” I think that is a point we can all agree on.

References


Border, J. (2009, November 2). Gore’s dual role: Advocate and investor. The New York Times. Retrieved on February 2, 2011 from http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/03/business/energy-environment/03gore.html


Nadakavukaren, A. (2006). Our global environment: a health perspective. Long Grove, IL: Waveland Press.