I has new kitties!!!!

Sadly, the late and great Jaws disappeared a few months back. We think she got eatened. So, I finally got over my period of mourning, and adopted these two fluffy sisters:

I'm drunk again. But strangely sober enough to where I can't sleep and I can still think and type. I drank myself into oblivion last night. I haven't told the internet until now because I feel it is a failure and doesn't match up well with my doppelgänger, but my sobriety didn't last long. Just like my "Awake" tattoo, it rejected.

I'm guilty. I'm sad. i'm sore. My heart aches. And I don't have anyone to tell it to. It does't even make sense to me.

I met someone last week that I apparently "knew" many years ago. I don't remember him, or his face, though I remember his now ex-wife. He made me try to remember those years. I don't think its his fault, because I'm sure he doesn't know.

I'm just trying to reorganize enough. I'm trying to see if I'm ok living here, back in my old town. If i can make a life here, a future.

I've almost forgotten everything. But it's just there, glimmering behind my reach. Waiting for me. Ruining me. How am I supposed to move on when I can't even make peace with the past?

I'm sure he-who-cannot-be-named is not ok with me here. I'd rather he not even know I'm back. i'd rather that I would never hear his name again, or what he did, or what I did. I can't stand that whenever I hang out with anyone from the old group that I automatically have to ask if "he" might be there. It's not just an emotional problem, since he is legally not allowed to have any contact with me. I don't want to take anything else that is not mine. I don't want to make anyone we used to know choose between us.

I'm drowning in these memories.

I can't sleep anymore. A week of no sleep at night unless its from drinking myself to sleep. A week of no appetite.

5 pounds. melted off. no effort.... so beautiful! i tried to lose ten pounds over a period of one month of exercise boot camp and diet.... nothing.... and now, five pounds within five days....

Nothing makes sense.


I'm worried. I'm waiting on my first appointment with my new therapist, since I didn't like the last one. I'm back on antidepressants.

I'm crazy again, but so fucking, goddamn aware.

The world is my playground, and my soul is out there somewhere.

and i wrote on my mirror. "why doesn't he love you?"

And that makes me laugh.

Not too much going on, so post with lots of pictures and videos!







By Manic D



New Zivity Set:



Beauties I want:




Amaye Shenanigans with Yesenia:



Cool Old Stuff:


ToriBell is Art:




LOLS:

Super excited blog!!!!!!!!!! Must have a ton of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


News:

Adopted a pitbull puppy. I think he was abused, but has remarkably few behavioral issues now that he is crate trained and has stopped pooping in my house.

Selling ten acres south of Tampa. Anyone want to invest in real estate?

Covered in poison ivy. Dog must have picked it up in the woods and rubbed it off on me. Two weeks later, I'm still itchy and terribly unatrractive, and he is fine. Damn the outdoors!


Speaking of the outdoors, this set Fever with the lovely Millioux is in Member Review today. Total fucking hotness. We are the shit. It's in the spring contest, so go vote!







If you haven't seen it, my set "Awake" with Zoetica has done decently well in MR. Take another look, and be sure to read the intro. As personal as it gets. It also shows my newest tattoo and how the ink in the middle rejected (extremely painful).

Awake

LA has been awesome so far... shot thousands of photos, and sharing some with you .

Retro Workshop Shots:





Shot by Augenblicke featuring Boomie and Millioux:







I also shot with Zoetica and that set should be hitting member review soon!!

So, flying out to LA tomorrow!

I get to shoot with zoetica and Augenblicke while perhaps having the sexy shooting times with harlowe boomie and Milloux.

Heaven, yes?



SUPER SUPER EXCITED!!!

And been busy shooting the porns lately.

Previews!

TRAVEL DATES:
If you (or anyone you know) wants to book me while I'm in Cali, send me a message or comment. Also, interested in attending SG events while I'm there and maybe meeting a few of you people.

Los Angeles, CA
February: 12th through 22nd

Studio Ming Workshops while there:
Section 1: Feb 15 (Monday) 7-10pm $150
Section 2: Feb 20 (Saturday) 6-9 pm $150

Book ToriBell

San Francisco, CA
March 21st through the 25th

Now booking!!

In other news, I'm entering the Valentine's Day contest at zivity, and here are some previews!

I got this old picture edited... it was taken during the night, so the light is a little weird. Thoughts?



Also, did a bodyscape/figure study shoot.... and I'm sharing