It is I, the Fearsome Jaws, and I have returned!

My anger is much appeased.

Cyranosbrother has written me a beautiful ode, and I will share it with you peons so you know how to treat the great felines of the world!

"So, in ode to Jaws...

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
And that will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
Elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of a black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! Good dog! Good dog!

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere.
Will find in morning.

Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then-
Silence, me, a paper bag
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing
Well, let's see you ignore me
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a term paper?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around.

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitos
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My yelps wake the dead.

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! My Big One
has been trapped by newspaper.
Cat to the rescue.

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp...

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much."

Litter box not here
You moved it on me again
I'll crap in the sink

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?"

Note from ToriBell: this made my day.

And now a message from ToriBell's sponsor and master:



You will allow me to introduce myself (or I will cut off your head).

I am Jaws, the Guardian of the Great Expanse (i.e. the backyard), Slayer of Evil Reptiles, and Champion of the Bed. Hear me roar! I might look cute and cuddly, but I'm a vicious meat-eating beast!

Now that introductions are over, I would like to set a few things straight.

This site is not awesome. It is ridiculous. I see nothing dedicated to me. I cannot believe slave Tori took pictures with another animal (and a stupid dog, no less). She will be punished for this. I forsee many nights of walking over her head while she is trying to sleep. And those toes that I protect every night? Fuck them! The bed monsters can eat them alive for all I care.

Where is my set? Where are my "aww, it is so cute"s! You people suck. This site sucks. The ancient Egyptians worshipped me as god, but yet I have no site! What the hell is there such a big deal about the hairless humans anyway? I get to see my slave naked every day, and she just looks funny. I, on the other hand, always have a coat of wondrous, soft fur.

I do not get my ass kicked. I kick ass. Do you hear me? I. KICK. ASS. Once again, I do not get my ass kicked. Ever. End of discussion.

I shall now expand upon my kick-ass-ness. I have rid the wilderness of the great demons called "lizards". I kill them and eat their insides so they cannot use their dark magic to come back to life. Their poison often gives me indigestion, but no matter! I vomit them so my slave can see my great deeds. She feels worthy that she gets to collect my trophies in plastic baggies to send to the Great Collector, otherwise known as the "Garbage Can".

I am wondrous! I am beautiful, intelligent, talented, amazing! I am all powerful, all seeing, all controlling Jaws! I am, I am….

Very sleepy…

As requested, here is the first chapter in my book.

Fall From Grace
by Me




For Jessica



Preface

These days are closing in,
The end has become apparent,
We're only here for so long.

Will anyone remember my name,
When time has washed away the dust of our ashes,
When my head rests in a velvet lined casket?

What's out there?
What is my eternal fate?

And it only just recently hit me,
That this life is just a state.
Mortality fading, like the innocence of love,
I'm scared to death of what's to become.

Of my immortal soul, of this eternal flame,
Will you remember?
Will your heart sing with pain?
Who calls out my name?

And tell me what happens,
When my eyes close for the last time.
Does it all simply end in a blanket of darkness?
And what of my soul, what of my soul?

All those things that you couldn't say,
You should've said.
All those I-love-you's lost,
Weighed more like lead on your chest.

If I could take back all those misspent days,
Every second of anger, I would wash my sins away!
- The Remembrance Ballad by Atreyu







Chapter One: Death's Visit

I'm losing my faith, I realized. I shuddered at the truth of my thoughts. God, if you are there, please, please make this be alright.

I sat cross-legged on my bed with my heavy, black Bible in my lap. A cool, fall breeze blew through the open balcony doors in my dead sister's room, now my room. I closed the book as tears dropped down my face, staining the worn, leather cover. I looked at my trembling hands. They were so white you could see the blue veins underneath the skin. My left hand was crisscrossed with jagged, purple scars. I clenched them into fists, trying to stop the violent shaking.

As I prayed half-heartedly, an oppressive weight fell upon my shoulders. I saw my body fall backwards on the bed as if I was the audience watching a tragic play. My heart constricted; I couldn't breathe past the choking agony in my chest.

The blackness had become darker, thicker, and I knew this wasn't my usual grief. New tragedy had been added to my short nineteen years. I got out of my bed and unlocked my door, knowing it wouldn't be long now. Time past unmarked as I waited until I heard the creak of the old front door and slow, heavy steps climbing to my third story attic loft. The footsteps stopped outside my door, hesitating.

Knock. Knock. Her hand was steady, powerful. She was in control as always. I hastily wiped the tears and snot from my face.

"Come in," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

The door opened quickly, and my mother burst into the room. Her usual, frantic energy was slightly subdued, but that was the only difference I could detect in her tall, thin frame.

"Jonathan and Jordan drowned," she said curtly. She looked me full in the face as if she was waiting for me to call her a liar. Her eyes were sharply focused, her face frightening in its intensity.

I nodded, unable to stop the tears from flowing once again.

"I was in the water with them, and so was the instructor," my mother continued. "There were witnesses. It happened in under a minute. I have dealt with the police and the coroner. They are calling it another 'freak accident.'" Her voice was cold, hard, determined.

"It's n-not your fault," I sobbed, not entirely sure why I said the words.

My mother took a few more steps into the room and collapsed on the end of the bed. I reached out to her and took a frigid, bony hand in mine. Her veins stood out worse than mine; they were raised from her skin in tortured, thin lines. I shuddered. My future flashed briefly through my eyes. If I survived, was I destined to turn out like her?

"Then, whose is it?" She asked quietly.

Abruptly, she rose from the bed and marched down the stairs. I heard the front door slam. I turned over on my side, feeling drained, but curiously lighter. The terrible knowledge of my two siblings' death had beat back the heavy darkness, and I could breathe again.

"Another two down, two more to go," I whispered to my empty room.

Death was only a matter of time.