PICS
(I keep thinking I ought to change that. It's more like... shit tattoos and dogs and fashion journalism, but all that is kind of synonymous with "gutterpunk" if you think about it, and it doesn't have the ring.)
My resolution is to write blogs more often, before they get so typically long they're hardly digestible.
First of all, here's a picture of me which I like:
I especially like pictures in which the clothes I make are used in everyday situations, as opposed to "only" in fashion photographs. I mean, that's what they're made for, to be worn, right?
Here are two more, one of which features coincidence-Stu:
I look awful, but here's a snapshot with the dogs:
So... Eric left, returned and left again.
The motorcycle with sidecar is "Paula", a 40 year old hell on wheels construction of the GDR he absolutely had to have. And no wonder, she's gorgeous and so much fun!
I've travelled in sidecars in my infant days, but maybe it's something you forget about once you're grown up. It's definitely the single most dangerous vehicle I've ever been in or on. You sit in that thing and it's like a roller coaster. It makes you scream and giggle.
And yes, he packed his bags, left the car with me and took Paula over 800km back to his place in Switzerland. It took two days.
His departure was hard. It keeps being hard. It feels so senseless and incomprehensible. But I don't really want to talk about it. I just dive into work and forget about it.
Speaking of which, I was very proud of this publication:
and I am so busy... I have had a huge amount of requests for completely custom made items (an outfit for music video, a number of wedding dresses, business suits...) on top of the regular orders, and it's amazing. The paradox is, as a fashion designer I do a whole lot of not actually designing. My ordinary work day consists of sewing orders, communicating with customers and dealing with fabric research, material purchase, website maintenance, etc., etc.
So collaborating with a customer to create their very own perfect garment for special occasions is gloriously exciting. I get to think, draw, find solutions, work, get it right. It's so good.
I really want to clear out and clean up my shop. Within the next six weeks, I want to purchase new lights, re-photograph every item in the shop (and a bunch of new ones that are already waiting!) so they are congruent, tidy, all well lit and in focus and mercilessly throw out about a third of them.
You are very welcome to tell me your favorites. Which items need to stay?
Finally, I shot pictures of Tinka, she came over the other day:
And Tie's set, Bellevue! I'm still really excited about it.
I shot a set for Tie and here it is:
She looks so STUNNING.
That was actually shot a while ago and we had so much fun. She kind of just came to my place, tried on a dress, then stood by my window and took it all off again. The people outside didn't mind.
She's so happy, quirky, pretty. Maybe she'll upload the candid video of her dancing while we shot.
Hi. As usual, first talk, then animals, then pictures.
So Eric has been gone for a month now, except for a short visit around easter. He'll stay gone except for short visits until at least november. I'm adjusting to it. It still sucks. To answer some of your qestions from the last time:
Going with him is not an option at the moment. He lives in a small room with no space for me, two bullies and a chickadee. Due to factors regarding his work, it makes no sense at the moment for him to find a bigger / better place that would accomodate us all. Our apartment here is still the home base.
Most importantly though, there is no way I could work from there. I need to be supplied with fabric, internet access, buttons, zippers, thread, sewing machines, overlock machines, mannequins, photo locations, and a place customers can actually reach, should it be necessary.
We're not in trouble of breaking up though, this separation is temporary and managable, even if "temporary" means "probably the next few years since we have so many plans and dreams we refuse to give up on and money is the only thing that makes it possible". It's all good. I'm very proud of him, I'm proud to be with a man who would sacrifice so much in order to build a better life and future.
And he sends me pictures like these, which is a consolation:
But hey, have I introduced Gina?
Gina is a fourteen year old stafford lady who came to us rather unexpectedly due to the untimely death of her previous owner. Things were sometimes difficult in the beginning, mainly due to my inexperience in introducing a second dog to a resident dog and their age gap of ten years, but I had amazing people I could turn to for help and everything is turning out to be splendid.
(In case you're a dog person in a similar situation, I described everything in great detail here.)
So now there are two!
Gina actually celebrated her 14th birthday with us, this was that day:
I would do it again in a heartbeat. In fact, I could spend the rest of my life making clothes and adopting bullies.
I mean, this is what I wake up to every morning:
"Hello! We're here! We're making our cute faces with ears back and tail knocking on the floor because we're so happy a new day came and you're here too! We'll wait nicely until you say Good Morning to us and then we'll give kisses and then we'll go outside, yes? Yes?" OMG!
If you want all the super cute Horace and Gina pictures and videos you should add him on fb.
In other news, since Stu (who I'm suspecting is a girl, by the way) always falls asleep on (and thus, poops on) my Anthracite faux fur prototype jackets and he's a bird with a brain about the size of a pea and you cannot explain things to or train him to do anything, I made him a soft litte faux fur hammock for his cage.
He also did not tolerate the easter chick intruder:
And he's been helping out in his usual way:
I'm so tired... I have four seperate conversations with customers regarding wedding dresses right now. Seems 2012 is the year for tying the knot? Whatever, I'm happy because I find it to be a great honor to make the dress for such a special day, plus it allows me to design for once. Usually I spend so much time with sewing orders and super mundane tasks like answering emails that only like 1% of my daily life as a designer actually consists of designing...
Here's what I've been up to:
And here are pictures I recently shot:
Fraise:
Me:
Since I felt all spring-y and quirky, I made two dresses that fit my mood:
Spring Special Dress A Blue
More me and stuff:
And my friend Dan (hair, make up, wardrobe by Marcel:
That's it for now. I'm exhausted and thinking I should update more often with less pictures and more fun stuff like stories and such.
Horace nearly died over the weekend. It may have been the most agonizing hours of my life, I'm not sure. Here is what happened.
If not tomorrow night, then within the next days.
And I'm completely ignoring the fact because I can't handle it.
Jeez, so much to do, so many things happening, so many things I'm making happen. But also so many migraines and sickness in the last week, I'm feeling pretty weird and wired and accomplished but impatient.
My job is neat and doing what it should, no troubles there. So little, in fact, that I'm actively perusing new avenues (because apparently working eight different jobs as designer, tailor, photographer, photoshopper, customer service person, model, internet presence and shop maintainer and decision maker isn't enough).
I'm deciding between learning to be a dog trainer, working in a shop / studio as a photographer or as a designer in another firm.
I also just received an offer to publish my photographs as an ebook. Which I'll probably do because it doesn't really amount to a lot of work for me and is a nice little addition. Why not.
Right now is a great time for new things because Anthracite kind of busily buzzes along. If I take it easy on creating new stuff (and with close to 100 products in the shop, it's okay to take it easy), I can focus on other things which will eventually benefit me and my work.
Speaking of which, I'm excited to announce a new shop page specifically for Special Offers!
This means you can get items at very reduced prices and also cast your 'votes' regarding which items should be added to the collection and permanent shop range.
I can't believe the last time I posted pictures was in october?!
Here:
The following two were semi specified, I'm not sure whether I like them or am bored right to death:
Ordinarily, I try to break apart blocks of text with pictures or blocks of pictures with text because no ones concentration can stay alert otherwise.
So I'm typing this to break the monotony and inform you that those where just the pictures of last year, now come the ones I did this year, and I'll be talking about the pets at some point.
Oh, and images taken from the last two shoots are also in the calendar, of which I still have the very last 20 for 14,90e.
Obviously, selling the very last ones when it turned february is increasingly difficult, but I still really want to not throw them away but get as much together as possible to donate to animal welfare. And it's YOU who makes the difference when buying one. So do it, NOW. ♥
That ponytail was fake:
I got a new Thompson Keillager (whatever that is in english, a bottom bracket? No, the bracket is just the Lager... whatever, I can't get wrapped up in marginal translation detail right now.)
and if you are in contact with Anthracite on facebook then you know I post little snapshots of what I'll be working on at any day:
Oh, I am very proud to have been asked to contribute a photo to Stop Killing Dogs:
here
active against the dog slaughter in preparation for Fussball.
This was "my" park the other morning:
and these were ten minutes in the kitchen:
as you can see, the trouble with my rearranged place is that when using the webcam, it looks as if I live in a dump. The trouble about the rest of me is that my hair is a mullet.
Oh, speaking of which, I rearranged my work place and it now looks like this:
We ate corn on the cob on nails the other day (completely pragmatic) :
and I tattooed Eric again:
Stu is stu-ish as usual:
and the other day, I caught him with a center parting and felt so much like the mom of a teenager. Stop wearing that dumb hair, Stuart!
In other news, Horace's paws have healed up perfectly! Remember they looked like this a few months ago due to what we finally learned to be food allergies:
and you can see here that not only is he my perfect little light test model, but his paws are splendid!
other than that he's enjoying himself as usual:
(he's just not really good at catching. At all. Ever.)
And a while ago, his cuddle piranha suffered a horrible accident:
Then my niece and nephew were around and Horace wanted to eat their shoe:
Not sure if I mentioned it, but I finally tattooed "garconne" on my arm, which seemed overdue and appropriate:
And did I ever show you the "mini-boob-igel", as in mini boob hedgehog, because mini boobs look just like hedgehog noses? There you go:
Oh yeah, and this Before / After at a party a while ago:
Okay, that's all, bye.
The FAQs:
Remember, if you know me and see I've forgotten a crucial question, please tell me.
I'll get back to you with a real entry soon, I promise. Just this real quick: If you have the SG ads turned on, you've seen my calendar.
All the proceeds go to animal welfare and I've been sending bundles and bundles out to the world, but this is the LAST CHANCE to get them in time for christmas!
Order now, pay via paypal, and it's shipped to you immediately. The calendar is 24,90e (approximately 33$) with no shipping costs to anywhere in the world.
Deciding on only 13 images was really tough since there are so many to chose from and we wanted to create a balanced representation of all that Anthracite does - the clothes, the hot boys and girls, the questionable aesthetics, the photography, filth and fashion. 
And since I understand that a bunch of you have kids or visiting in-laws, I even made it work- and family safe.
In an even harder choosing process, we debated and argued and ranted and raved until finally picking 12 animal welfare organizations that do an amazing job in rescuing, caring for and finding forever homes and foster homes, educating the public and and saving endangered species.
I know you're swamped with good causes and altruistic motives this time of year especially (I can't see it anymore myself), but it would be great if you'd consider it!
english german
Once all calendars are sold, I'll either decide on a number of organizations, cast a vote or split the proceeds evenly between all 12. You are very welcome to let me know which option is the best idea! You can email me at info@anthracite.de or find Anthracite on facebook to tell me.
Thanks and happy December! (I'm not too keen on the holidays. )
♥
It just occured to me on my flight back from Zurich that the old days of Temper blogs are truly over.
No more random sex I can tell about, because the sex I have now is not anonymous and I choose what to disclose and what not. The sex I have now is also full of a lot more power dynamics, some so subtle but staggering that it would take me days to focus on an adequate description.
Also, Eric has me dripping wet within five minutes. I mean that in the literal sense, there will be wetness leaking from my pussy in three-inch, elongating drops, splattering to form little puddles on the floor between my knees.
It's kind of better than going home with strangers who don't know what they're doing.
No more stupid shit I've done, because I now have a responsibility towards another human being whose trust I can not breach. You know what it boils down to? That this person is away from home, working a dangerous job outside in the cold all day in another country to pay off MY debt, the debt that has accumulated from ten years of I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude.
Now, I've been known to be a callous, egocentric bitch at times who doesn't care about consequences or hurting others, but honestly? Even I couldn't bear facing him under these circumstances if I just didn't have myself under control for the fleeting joy of two minutes of questionable fun that would result in another round at court, another sentence, more debt or jail time.
So I don't injure people when they're dumb or make ill advised decisions that could annoy me. I don't even hurt them when they hurt me first. I think of his face and his presence and the warmth of his body and how I could not live with disappointing him, and I don't react. I am stoic and silent and do not punch people, smash their faces against hard surfaces or spit in their faces. Because he is more important.
No more silly outrageous parties because of two reasons. First, I am bored by them due to my jadedness and secondly, I'm getting old and can't process alcohol or drugs like I used to. I'm not kidding. And the hangovers that last two days and leave me with crippling migraines and puking out nothing but stomach acid every half hour for eight hours is just not worth it.
My job is more important. My life is more important.
Since Eric is gone and I admit I do need to get out of the house now and then (living and working at home with no human interaction makes me too eccentric too soon), I've been working at a very sleek and sophisticated fetish / SM club, and that's a perfect substitute for idiotic or dull parties that just leave me irritated or bored.
In the past two years, the quality of my life has changed drastically for the better. I will delve into this further in one of the next entries, however suffice to say that my life as it is right now (and with all the plans we still have which, due to hard work, are becoming more and more tangible) is just becoming steadily more incredible and I am thankful every day for everything that I have. I never thought this quantity of gratefulness is even existing and possible.
So I'm not going to ruin by dumb shit that isn't worth it, ultimately. My life now is exuberant and far more exciting, intense and worthwhile and fun than any casual sex and photoshoots and drug or alcohol binges ever where. Whenever I heard people say that, I used to assume they where lying to themselves to desperately try to avoid facing their own ineptitude and failure and mediocrity. I'm still certain a lot of them are, to tell you the truth, but I also know that it isn't necessarily the case.
Sometimes, the life and job are really, truly just that amazing that you don't want to miss a second of either.
I guess it helps that my job is to do what thrills me anyway (creative processes plus craftsmanship, photography, fashion, running my business) and I do whatever I want, when I want all day long.
The only thing I miss right now are travels, but that's just temporary until we have the worst of the remaining troubles sorted out.
Okay, I'm tired now. Night.
Just THREE MORE DAYS! If everyone on my friends list takes the minute to help out, we could surely win this thing.
Here.
This is a fashion contest with superb other entries and tough competition.
Voting makes you AWESOME.
Since I added my design yesterday, I've had 13 votes. I'm certain you guys can do better, right? Let's push me up to the front of that contest!
I'd be fucking ecstatic if you shared this on your places of social network. ♥
So, I made this Dirndl for a project with Stellaris:
It was very hectic, but lots of fun.
Oh, I've finally given in to the demand and made Horace his own facebook page. Add him, it makes him happy.
It was also his birthday on September 4th! He wore a red bow all day, we played ball first thing in the morning and he got a chicken cake. He's four years old now, my little baby. ♥
On a less adorable note - he's apparently having some troubles with allergies, he gets terribly itchy rashed but we haven't figured out yet why exactly. This summer is the first time it's happened, so we're assuming it's because of us living right next to the park, and him running through grass and pollen all day long. It keeps subsiding and then breaking out again. We're going to the vet again today, keep him in your thoughts, he's awfully scared of the vet. 
I had this video interview with Querbinder Magazine, here are the making of pictures:
Horace had a great time.
Since Eric is in Switzerland, things have really weird. It's very hard for me to adjust to his absence. I hardly know what to do with myself and it just has an effect on every single aspect of my life, from waking up the morning and missing him bringing me coffee to being completely asexual, hardly being able to discuss everyday decisions or troubles and just simply feeling as though I'm living in the oddest, silent bubble. Like I'm hibernating but fully conscious.
It's tough to explain and tough to manage.
The room that will eventually, when he gets back, be his living room was until now in a state of disaster:
So I used all the time I have on my hands to reorganize it and make it the bicycle room:
Living alone in a three room apartment and spreading all your shit around is quite luxurious.
Even though he was gone, I received the most amazing birthday present from Eric I could wish for, he got me my very own tool box full of bicycle stuff. I mean, I had the bare necessities flying around, but this just increases my ability to, well, increase my abilities. And it's so gorgeous old, dark green and full of patina:
I giggled madly.
Also at this:
He had kept a box "hidden" under the bed containing a birthday set. Of course, I knew the box was there, but I didn't peek!
So that morning, I woke up from a call (which is so rare, it's just too expensive to call long distance) and opened the box to find my cake, the candles, mini oreos, a card, and even received another card and letter in the mail.
This is his table in the tiny little room he's staying in:
I write him letters all the time.
Here are some pictures of Stu:
I haven't been able to summon the energy to shoot a lot... it's terribly hard for me to stay disciplined these days and not just sink into this quagmire of listlessness. Here is what I did the other day, I had to force myself, but I liked the way they turned out:
So... a lot of really great things are happening, this is such a milestone time for me, it's definitely a turning point with great promises of the future.
But adapting is tricky. When Eric first went, I was a perfect example of nearly prissy concentration on organized cleanliness. The apartmen was spotless, I distracted myself of the incessant pain of being left alone by total self control and discipline: A cigarette only every three hours, getting up at 6 am sharp, filing, organizing, stacking paperwork, sewing, working, not thinking, not feeling.
At some point, it just unraveled.
I'm trying hard to keep that up but failing. I can't convince myself all this shit is important. The only reason I keep doing it is to be able to report back to Eric that I'm doing fine and everything is under control.
But I've retreated from everyday life as a social being. I cannot stand people, I don't have the strength to face them. I'm fine by myself, but I've cancelled all obligations other than my work. I can go grocery shopping, but not because I feel I need to, but because it's what should be done. And if I stay too long or places get too crowded, I have the striking urge to create a bloodbath in order to be left alone. Some stranger says: "Good morning." and I want to stab him forty times in his repulsive face.
What I feel like is a skinny mongrel bitch who waits to be cared for again.
The FAQs:
Remember, if you know me and see I've forgotten a crucial question, please tell me.
