Temper, how come you speak english so good?

It's "well". I speak english well.
My mother is german and my father american. I have dual citizenship, grew up bilingual, and have no discernable german accent. I do however pronounce a few words differently. I blame this on an environment in which when I speak english, it's not with americans of one single region, but to any english native speaker from anywhere in the world, and any traveller who's second language it is.
I was born and raised in Berlin but spent a great deal of time in the US, I visited my relatives regularly when I was a kid.
Before you ask, I'm not telling you where from my father is, it's embarrassing.
...
Ok, no. Not from there. Not there either.
Ok, it's in New England.
In a two hour drive radius from Boston. I'm not divulging any more, but people there are fat.


I am interested in some items of clothing you make! Where can I get them?

Thanks!



That's my shop.
If you have any questions, please peruse my shop faqs. If you still have questions, please feel free to send me a message .

You're pretty, can I get you to model for me? I have this great idea.

Probably not, since a) you're not near me and too poor to pay a flight, or b) chances are I won't agree that your idea is that great. It just has to be more interesting than anything I've done before, and of high photo quality. If you cannot offer this, please refrain from asking. If you can, I'll be delighted to hear from you and think you're grand.
EDIT: This is even more true than a few years ago since I originally wrote the FAQs. I've hardly modeled for others anymore since I started to take up photography myself. It's just not that important to me, I prefer my work and animals and hardly have time for anything else. I don't ever to tfp. But there's still a slight chance I'll say yes if you really impress me.

What do you do in your spare time? Let's chat!

I have no spare time, and no. I have no AIM, messenger, anything. It sucks away your life and I waste too much time anyway.
I sew clothes, take care of Horace, Gina and Stu, have sex with Inge random hot strangers that aren't really as good are perhaps stunning in an unexpected way the cause for me currently saving myself for the antichrist. No, really.
And then things happen to me, of which you can read in my journal, my facebook, fb page, tumblr and twitter. Most probably, there is nothing else I feel like divulging to you, but thanks for asking.

Are you a dude? Drag queen? Tranny? Post op? Pre op?

Alas, no. Although I reeeeeally like the confusion my appearance causes.
I'm a woman, always have been, probably always will be. All women in my family are like this - we have symmetrical features, next to zero body fat and gain muscle tissue quickly when exercising. My super glamorous grandmother bragged about her biceps and instructed me how to superbly show it off on her 72nd birthday.

Come on. Can't you show your pussy at least once to prove that?

No.
I don't show pink in my sets. My pussy is sacred, only I chose who sees her and who doesn't. If you want to know what she looks like, be super hot, very awesome, extremely enticing and in my area, and I will show you. Gladly.
There are however one or three pictures in my folders that allow a glimpse.
Should any further questions remain, I hereby refer you to this set.


You're so skinny, how do you do that?

I don't really know... it's a mixture of genetics, metabolism, my amazing zest for action and habit of not eating crap.
Honestly, my bicycle is my main form of transportation and I have two bullies to take to the park three times a day. I just like to move and exert myself. I get grouchy when I don't (especially since my job requires a lot of hunching over sewing machines).
I don't like candy or junk food. Once every six weeks or so, I get a craving for dark chocolate and eat like two pieces until I'm good. I like fresh food, vegetables, fruit and stuff that's cooked, not microwaved. I don't forcefully exclude anything from my diet, I just listen to my body and do what it tells me to do. Things like sugar, soda or microwave meals aren't even in the house in the first place, I'm just not interested.
I eat only out of hunger or healthy appetite, not as a substitute or out of frustration or boredom.
I actually eat a lot and constantly though, just no junk. I eat a number of smaller meals a day, in between. But it's a sandwich with salted margerine, cheese, tomatos, olives, lettuce on dark bread here, an apple there, a salad here, pasta there, a banana here, another sandwich there, a peach, and a ton of these vegetarian meat substitutes all over the place because damn, they're good.
But I pay attention to my feeling of satiety and don't really gorge myself. But I always eat until I'm full.
Oh, and I don't cheat myself by eating healthy all day and then devouring two bags of chips at night.

But yeah, movement, exercise! I love it. But not everything. I guess it's good to try out some things to find what suits you. Personally, I loathe jogging but love mountain bike riding. I hate tennis but love swimming. And since I'm a really competitive person, I love to outdo myself.
If I did the 10km through town in traffic in 20 minutes the last time, I at least need to equal that, if not do 19. If I could swim 8 laps of crawl the last time, I want to do 10 the next.

I guess that's about it.


*gasp!* Is it true that you are married to super hot pornstar SG Adria, the beautiful waif with pastel colored mohawk and big boobs? The one who is Zak Smith's girlfriend and I would sell my grandmother to even kiss her tiny toes?

Yes. Yes I am.
We married in Disneyland, after being picked up by a limo and picking up select porn star guests, Adria delicately puked into a champagne flute that was passed to me in the back, where I emptied it out the window, I was blindfolded until the very last second when I was bumped into the most insane ride on the planet, and we said: "I do!" and kissed while being penetrated by It's a small world after all, then we went on Space Mountain and saw fireworks and I decided I wanted a job as some Disney character, just because it seems like an easy job when drunk, and the entire time, we looked like post apocalyptic cinderellas in dreamy dresses of vulgar fake pearls, organza and tulle. And duct tape.
The simple plan.
Thank you, Zak.

Why do you keep declining my friends request? I paid four dollars!

Probably because you've never bothered to introduce yourself and your profile reveals either nothing, or that you are either boring or dumb. Or a spamming hopeful.
That's basically it. Oh, and if you keep requesting, I'll totally make fun of you in the germany group. It brings lulz.

Leeet meeee intoooo theee Germany Groooooup!

*sigh* Please read the group rules, adhere to what is written, and reapply. Quit whining.

Why are you such an arrogant and judgemental bitch?

I don't really feel I am, however if it's the case, then presumably just because I can.

No really, you can't be like your internet persona. What are you like in real life?

I'm like Eric Cartman if he was hot.