This afternoon, I happened to spontaeously get a christina piercing between putting my clothes back on and going home. My pussy feels very stylish.

My friend Daniel, who together with my other friend Marcel does all these bloody burlesque performances as The Crimson Carneval, and is thus a very proficient at boob swinging, totally won a tassle competition.
They had five girls up on stage competing, who all sucked. So he screamed that he does that a thousand times better from somewhere in back, stormed the stage, got his tassles, and shook them from here to god knows where and won that contest hands down.

I thought that was pretty cute.

And while on the subject of brilliantly talented friends, my ex Andr� recently discovered the perfect solution to the problem of being faced by an angry mob of eastern european fascists in the dead of night who want to either a) sell you speed, or b) kick the shit out of you.
You retort to their Sieg Heil screams with the first best russian sentence you recall, which happens to be: "The sun is shining. Let's take a walk!"

They are so flabbergasted they let him go.


The other night, this big huge bellied bearded biker person gave me drugs and proceeded to ask me if I wanted to see his heart.
"No sweetie, really. You must see my heart. I want to show you my heart. Please take a look at my heart!"

"Alllllllright. Show me your heart, Micha."

"Not here! You need to follow me into the dark and solitary back room in order for me to show you my heart!"

I snortlaugh, but since I give people the benifit of doubt when they try approaches that are a little out of the ordinary, I go.

Turns out he meant this very literally when unzipping his pants ~ his "heart" is a heart shaped silicone implant in his penis. Unfortunately, it slipped underneath the skin of his shaft, so what was origally on top had slid to the side, which made it involuntarily more comical than it already would've been.
I snortlaugh again, congratulate him on his interesting and almost succesful seduction, and leave.

Now he goes around telling people I sucked his cock. It's both funny since obviously untrue, since anyone who knows me won't believe I suck big bellied hairy biker persons' cocks, but irritating also.


And also the other day, I was stopped while crossing a street by Adam.

Adam practically pounced on me, asking: "DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!", which I answered in the affirmative since I assumed he was a lost tourist.
Apparently he was a lost tourist, but... in a different sense.

After the introductory flattering, he immediately divulged his fascination for excrements exiting the female body.

I said: "Alrighty then."

He said: "Will you defecate on my body?"

I said: "Not for free I won't."

And he started crying.

There's actually a lot more to that story, involving a failed handjob, some random house entrance, the exchange of money and him scribbling his number on a scrap of newspaper while in hysterics.
"A friend!", he cried, "I need a friend!"

I don't know. I'm debating calling him, just because I could use a sub client, but not if every session is a fucking therapy.


Oh, people. Nothing I could fabricate would ever come close to what happens in real life.

Neck corsets and bikini tops are still for sale, however if you missed the auction in the Sales Group, then I must ask the regular prices.


Hey, so. I am in a contest for best fashion. I entered one of my designs, it's a weekly contest. So you have from now until sunday to vote every single day!
Multiple voting, with different IP addresses, if you feel like it.

This is where you go!

Look for this image:



and click 5 stars! You can, of course, vote badly on all other designs, I have no moral dilemma with that.

Thanks!



To everyone who brainstormed with me in my last entry ~ Thank you! I am considering a few of the suggestions!


The FAQs:

Remember, if you know me and see I've forgotten a crucial question, please tell me.

I added: *gasp!* Is it true that you are married to super hot pornstar SG Adria, the beautiful waif with pastel colored mohawk and big boobs? The one who is Zak Smith's girlfriend and I would sell my grandmother to even kiss her tiny toes?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Temper, how come you speak english so good?

It's "well". I speak english well.
My mother is german and my father american. I have dual citizenship, grew up bilingual, and have no discernable german accent. I do however pronounce a few words differently. I blame this on an environment in which when I speak english, it's not with americans of one single region, but to any english native speaker from anywhere in the world, and any traveller who's second language it is.
I was born and raised in Berlin but spent a great deal of time in the US, I visited my relatives regularly when I was a kid.
Before you ask, I'm not telling you where from my father is, it's embarrassing.
...
Ok, no. Not from there. Not there either.
Ok, it's in New England.
In a two hour drive radius from Boston. I'm not divulging any more, but people there are fat.


I am interested in some items of clothing you make! Where can I get them?

Thanks!

You can either use the Ustrendy Store or Cartfly for the items that are currently for sale.
If you have any questions about them or other pieces you have seen in my pic folders, just send me a pm.

You're pretty, can I get you to model for me? I have this great idea.

Probably not, since a) you're not near me and too poor to pay a flight, or b) chances are I won't agree that your idea is that great. It just has to be more interesting than anything I've done before, and of high photo quality. If you cannot offer this, please refrain from asking. If you can, I'll be delighted to hear from you and think you're grand.

What do you do in your spare time? Let's chat!

I have no spare time, and no. I have no AIM, messenger, anything. It sucks away your life and I waste too much time anyway.
I sew clothes, take care of Horace, have sex with Inge random hot strangers that aren't really as good perhaps are stunning in an unexpected way, and then things happen to me, of which you can read in my journal. Most probably, there is nothing else I feel like divulging to you, but thanks for asking.

Are you a dude? Tranny? Post op? Pre op?

Alas, no. Although I reeeeeally like the confusion my appearance causes.
I'm a woman, always have been, probably always will be. All women in my family are like this ~ we have symmetrical features, next to zero body fat and gain muscle tissue quickly when exercising. My super glamorous grandmother bragged about her biceps and instructed me how to superbly show it off on her 72nd birthday.

Come on. Can't you show your pussy at least once to prove that?

No.
I don't show pink in my sets. My pussy is sacred, only I chose who sees her and who doesn't. If you want to know what she looks like, be super hot, very awesome, extremely enticing and in my area, and I will show you. Gladly.
There are however one or three pictures in my folders that allow a glimpse.

*gasp!* Is it true that you are married to super hot pornstar SG Adria, the beautiful waif with pastel colored mohawk and big boobs? The one who is Zak Smith's girlfriend and I would sell my grandmother to even kiss her tiny toes?

Yes. Yes I am.
We married in Disneyland, after being picked up by a limo and picking up select porn star guests, Adria delicately puked into a champagne flute that was passed to me in the back, where I emptied it out the window, I was blindfolded until the very last second when I was bumped into the most insane ride on the planet, and we said: "I do!" and kissed while being penetrated by It's a small world after all, then we went on Space Mountain and saw fireworks and I decided I wanted a job as some Disney character, just because it seems like an easy job when drunk, and the entire time, we looked like post apocalyptic cinderellas in dreamy dresses of vulgar fake pearls, organza and tulle. And duct tape.
The simple plan.
Thank you, Zak.

Why do you keep declining my friends request? I paid four dollars!

Probably because you've never bothered to introduce yourself and your profile reveals either nothing, or that you are either boring or dumb. Or a spamming hopeful.
That's basically it. Oh, and if you keep requesting, I'll totally make fun of you in the germany group. It brings lulz.

Leeet meeee intoooo theee Germany Groooooup!

*sigh* Please read the group rules, adhere to what is written, and reapply. Quit whining.

Why are you such an arrogant and judgemental bitch?

I don't really feel I am, however if it's the case, then presumably just because I can.

No really, you can't be like your internet persona. What are you like in real life?

I'm like Eric Cartman if he was hot.