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no matter how much i rested on the past days, i'm exhausted beyond description right now.
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13 hours of cleaning and tidying up and laundry. And a couple cookies. That was all.
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Carnival is over. Now the year actually begins. Oh yeah, happy new year.
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My birthday was great. But i'll write about it later.
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i'm just too tired to think right now.
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tomorrow will be a good day.
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still trying to figure out that soundtrack. Since i'm putting so much into it, if you're around, go!

boop-boop-a-bloody-boop!
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i'm rushing to see if i can get a couple hours sleep.
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and yes, i have fresh ink!

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(darn, the mate sure keeps one going and going and going)
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i turn 26 at 00:40 -3 gmt. Yay?!

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sure hope so.
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and if you're not in the area, go have fun damn it! It's carnival after all!!!

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mood: restless
now playing: Carmen Miranda.
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edit: i have my songs. Ready to mix, and roll. Yay for mate and caffeine.

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... till Sunday. Till 26. i have no plans, haven't shopped for new clothes, haven't scheduled a manicure or a hair cut... no expectations, no excitement. Nothing. Guess i'm not feeling very festive. Or sad. Or anything at all.
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It's that type of minor sadness, that doesn't hurt. It doesn't let anything hurt. It just won't let you feel. The type of minor sadness that makes food tasteless, life monochrome and mute. I'm not sad.
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But i'm not alive either.
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26. Maybe i should get myself a better anti-age cream instead of (hopefully) spending money on a new tattoo.
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Should i face that i am no longer a girl? But i don't feel like a woman should. Not as i thought it was, at least. Feeling like nothing is not a comfortable position.
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And it rains... Endlessly... Enough to dampen one's spirit and turn the world into a gray blurry mess.
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4 more days to start feeling alive.
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He doesn't understand why i want a pet so badly. A puppy, a kitten, a rabbit, even a hamster. But it is that i only feel this way... this sadness... when i am alone. Around others i am always cheerful and talkative and fun... like a pet. But i am bad company to myself.
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Even though music may keep me company, i feel very very lonely sometimes.
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well, enough wining. One more "cuia" of "Yerba Mate", and then i am off to dance class.
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Don't you love engrish? i mean, who eats chocolate filled cookies named "collon"?





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mood: chinched
craving: beet soup
must everything be average nowadays?
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Ennui: Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom.

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Ennui also spells photoshop.










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Friday is the day i consider my day off. The most i usually have is a meeting, and the Mister works, so its kind of my day.
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So i woke up at midday. All sore from tap dancing in heels. And masturbated. Porn is lame and boring, and hell, masturbation sucks. i get off in two seconds and then what? i'm supposed to feel satisfied, right? Well, i don't.
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Sex is definitely overrated. Specially masturbation. Ok, so what about food? Yeah, i had lost my appetite, right? Well, good (?) news... i'm back to binge-eating. So i threw my pink battery-operated lil' friend to the side and popped in a whole packet of cookies instead. Ahem, wrong cavity dudes... Goddamn you pervs.
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In also went a packet of Toppo (like Pocky but manlier) and i'm about to gobble down a big bowl of Chinese instant noodles. And i have no idea what flavor it is because it has no romanji on it. Then i'll probably spend the rest of the day poking my love bumps and feeling bad about it. At least i haven't gone back to laxatives. That part of overeating is nasty.
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Well, it's my day off. But the place is chaotic and i had vowed to get things into place today. Ahem. Liar.

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This weekend is the Chinese new year celebration. Year of the Earth Rat. The year of the Metal Pig was good, hope this one goes well too. I should have made up a Fruits Basket cosplay in celebration, but i have a Bulma one i'm dying to wear.
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Oh, yeah... Anime event this weekend too. i really want to go!!! As Bulma obviously. The Man really wanted me to make Him a cosplay this time, but on a one weeks notice amidst all this mess and having a total of 0 experience sewing masculine clothes, that spelled impossible. i would need at least a month for such a project.
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Hope to hit this expo soon.
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So, i guess i'm waiting for my b-day to break me out of this cycle. The Sunday after this one. February 3rd. i really should get myself a new tattoo... Something special. Dunno.
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i also wanted to party. Lots of candy and drinks. But i don't know about that either.
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There has to be a good side to this. I mean, if you expect nothing, anything goes, right?
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Wrong.
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Guess that on one's b-day its ok to be an attention hog. So if anyone wants to make my day just let me know. No wish lists crap, most stuff doesn't deliver to Brazil anyway. (i wish my SG stuff would arrive soon too).
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time:





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Maybe i'll face the world after this bowl of noodles. Or maybe i'll go get drunk. Or both. Yes, definitely a hot shower, Betty Hutton and a cherry martini will do.



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Mood: ennui.
Now playing: nothing. Guess that is the problem.


"And when I get a certain feelin' I confess it. There's really only one expression to express it. I want some huggin' and some squeezin' and some muggin' and some teasin' and some leapin' and some chasin' and some weepin' and some pacin' and some stuff, I want some stuff like that there."

Betty Hutton - Some stuff like that there


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P.s.: Seems i'll have a party after all. Next fetish ball on Feb. 2nd. Which means a hungover b-day and possibly afterhour parties. Hope that turns out a private party for two and a hot tub. Yay!

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edit:
boo for: playing with
Dragon and Tiger Balm on/near one's genitals. i mean, alone. Why won't He come home soon. Ouch...


yay for: coffee with cream and frangelico, vodka with white vermouth and strawberry Popsicles.

Cafe Frangelico

Ingredientes :

* café molido
* azúcar
* agua
* cremora o crema
* Frangelico
* crema chantilly
* canela en polvo

Preparación :

* Preparar café negro.
* Añadir una cucharada de Frangelico, una cucharadita de cremora o crema, después de unir los ingredientes añadir azúcar al gusto.
* Poner por encima crema chantilly con canela en polvo.
* Se puede servir frío o caliente.

As for the other aforementioned drink... two doses of citrus vodka, two doses of white vermouth, and one strawberry Popsicle. Shake and pour into tall glass (preferably Hello Kitty glass). Stick in straw and take into long hot bath with cute music on and chocolate incense. Yay!

while SG was down i posted here and here.

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So that i can pay and get the hell out of this rut i have fallen into this year?!
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Yeah, i know. Astrological hell and all that shit. Its supposed to get better by next month when i have my (gasps) ... birthday. Ok, ok. 26th birthday. But who wants to wait two more weeks for their life to get back on tracks? Not me, definitely.
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What do i mean? i mean, my body is giving out on me. i'm sick in most of the body parts that can be the most painful. Argh, no no names. Plus i got this awful voice that makes me think of an 11 year old boy going through puberty. i urgently need a detox diet. And some cleansing of the blood.
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Not to mention that some assholes probably thought it was fun to through a lump of wet cement from god knows what floor of some building under construction right into my cleavage. i could swear a pterodactyl had shit on me. Assholes.
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Well, my jazz and tap dance teacher certainly finished the job. Today is one of those days that just won't happen without a pain killer.
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Which goes well with the pain in my shoulders from sleeping with my hands binded behind my back. Guess pain must be the latest fashion for summer.
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Isn't life a beauty?
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i'm going shopping with a friend this afternoon. i really don't know how much $ i have right now, but quite frankly, today, i don't care.
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i bought the loveliest dress yesterday for an incredible bargain. Maybe i'll let ya'll see it sometime soon.
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i really want my muse back.
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i need to buy more fake plastic pearls (not mad anymore, just sad about it still, really). And other cute trinkets.
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So hooray for being stupidly romantic. Otherwise it would be impossible to see so much beauty in the world when there is all this pain.
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mood: sick and painful.
sign: have you seen my appetite anywhere?
now playing: matanza. Its all i've been listening to these days.

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the fetish party hardly happened due to the lack of electricity. He freaked out at me because i was talking to this other woman instead of staying by His side, and i felt woozy because to the lack of oxygen in the environment. People really shouldn't smoke when the air conditioning isn't on in a place without windows and filled with candles.
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then He threw my new cute fake pearl collar out the window (i hadn't even photographed it). Because is was so fragile is was useless. i'm fragile. Am i useless too? i'm still sad about it.
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He "punished" me on Sunday morning. He will never get me to like pain if He only uses it as punishment. Wish people made more sense when it comes to conditioning one's mind.
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We had lunch with some lifestyle friends. It was fun. We even went to their place for a drink, and i fell in love with their dog. Awwww, small dogs are so cute. Specially the terrier variety.
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on the way home He stopped at a supermarket. He wanted me to walk barefoot. It was one of those huge air-conditioned places with cold floors. The parking lot was wet from the rain. We probably spent a couple hours there.
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the vacation course i was so happy about? Not happening. Not enough quorum. So now i have to find a vocal trainer for myself, or wait till it happens.
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going back to college this semester? Not happening either? The department i needed the document from in my old college will only return to work in February (goddamn those federal colleges) and the deadline to turn it in to the college i want to study in was yesterday.
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and since Monday my nose and throat are killing me. i can even hear my doctor saying that "the worst thing for someone with chronic rhinitis and sinus such as you is walking barefoot and being exposed to cold weather". Ahem... Now i just sound like a man and can't think straight because i'm not getting enough oxygen... nose and throat are closing, am i supposed to breath through my eyes?
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there is more, but that gives you a picture of why this week, all i've wanted to do is to stay in bed. Honest. Its the only place that feels safe and warm enough right now. Damn it.
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Feeling a bit off? i feel dead:






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Not to say that everything sucks, Monday night we had some great sex. Quite vanilla, but great.
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And this is one of the most glorious and beautiful mornings lately. Too bad the rhinitis makes me sensible to the light.
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i really need some new photos
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now playing: nothing
mood: sick and melancholic
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i'm about to kill the man outside with the lawn mover.

...
i've lost my appetite. And i hate that.
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