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You know how it goes. The weekend was amazing. People were sweet, the place was incredible, and despite one or two minor problems (how the hell does a producer forget to send the fans for a fan number?!!!), everything was really really good.
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So why do i always wake up feeling like shit?
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(Post-glamor depression)
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Narcissism isn't only thinking that you matter. Its thinking that someone cares.
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i will never change anyones life. It makes me sad.
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"Got dirt, got air, got water and I know you can carry on.
Shrug off shortsighted false excitement and oh what can I say?
Have one, have twenty more "one mores" and oh it does not relent.
The good times are killing me."
The good times are killing me - Modest Mouse
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"fuck-off" mode is on. And i haven't felt this plain, unimportant and unspecial in a while.
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Life is good. i suck. i wish i didn't.
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Last Thursday was spent sewing. It made me feel proud to get these done. And i wore that dress for the Marilyn number on Saturday.
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There also was dance class.
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Friday was working out, tiding up (don't know why i bother, it's all a mess again), working and rehearsing. i really should have followed my hunch and taken MY feather fans. But i just couldn't make myself believe that someone would forget something so essential.
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Saturday...
early morning.
Guarulhos international airport
View from the hotel. Ok, they put the four of us in one room (me, the other two dancers, and the hair and makeup stylist), but that turned out really fun.
The beach. Somewhere near Farol da Barra. Dunno. Caipirinha, beautiful people, buying a swimsuit because i hadn't taken one, splashing in the water and being mistaken for a foreigner. i bought Cristal earrings and energized them in the sea. And thanks to Chris and his super potent sunscreen, no blemishes or burns. So i'm as pale as ever (and that is a good thing).
Pelourinho. Buying lots of seed and shell necklaces, learning magic spells to tie down a man, Olodum. We didn't have much time to eat, because we had to get back to the hotel and sort things out, so no regional food. Too bad.
...
We got a little bit of rest, and had dinner in our room.
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He started our hair and makeup at 10 pm, local time. We kept getting confused by the one hour difference. We dressed and went downstairs. The party was at the hotel. Dressing room... i open the suitcase with the props... Where are the fans?
...
Lucky for me that i take most of the items for my performances (even for Pacha) with me. So the fans were the only thing missing. After trying without any luck to attach somehow the existing feathers to the two small fans i had (and there were no glue guns on the premise), i thought "fuck it. It's not my fault, and i can always use some belly dance moves (the clothes allow that)". I also used some pearl necklaces, giving it a Mardi-Gras feeling, but danced for way longer than i expected. The deal was one song, not 5. But it was ok, even though i ran out of ideas at some point in song 3 and had to repeat myself.
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All in all, it was good. The Marilyn number went well (i think), the second entrance wasn't that bad (after all, i twirled tassles), and i (surprise) didn't get drunk. So i danced. And at 6 am, we went up, showered, packed and came downstairs for breakfast. We were baffled by all the people congratulating us for our dancing and all... It was fun. And all those super worked-out guys. It was like being at a white-party... only most of the guys were straight. (Weird).
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The second mishap was when leaving the hotel. We were supposed to have all expenses taken care of, but the staff had only taken care of lodging. So because it was early and the people responsible were sleeping (while we were sent off in unholy hours because it was cheaper) we had to take care of that.
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It was disappointing in a sense. But the girls (who work for them quite often, whilst i don't) and the stylist will talk to them about such things. I still don't know if i should e-mail that absent minded producer. Maybe i should wait for a day or two...
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Al in all, i loved spending time with them. We had a great time. i just hope i wasn't too annoying. i know i can be. And the locals lived up to their reputation of being easy-going, receptive and... lazy. Ok, some of them.
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Around 2 pm, yesterday, i was back. I probably slept one or two hours in two days, but who cares... Not me. The Mister took me to the Japanese neighborhood where we got some kombu seaweed for stock, a fish gril, candies, and i got a new bento box. And some sushi and sashimi, of course. After being in Salvador, i finally got to eat an Acarajé... in Liberdade. Go figure. But that pepper was so hot that it numbed my lips. Sugoi!
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We had to go to His daughter's play, so i got a short nap (insert evil laugh here). Then we spent the rest of the afternoon in the pool. i'm addicted to water again. Damn.
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And to end the day, we stuffed our face with pizza. I had 10 slices, which means i'm eating a lot LESS now. Nyoh!
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As expected, i dozed off the moment i hit the sheets. And i'm still in bed. Gotta go to work soon, and i am NOT looking forward to it.
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But hopefully, tomorrow this post-glamor depression should wear off. Being around those people makes me feel very plain and unspecial at times. But they are great, so whatever.
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i should really learn to deal with my self-esteem issues.
*
mood: depressed and sleepy
now playing: modest mouse
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"Everywhere everywhere everywhere
It's all so plain it's all a plan
The sky doesn't ever end
The air just gets much thinner further up
You could keep diggin' down and down
A thousand graves down without turnin'
Around or finding hell
You find you're digging up again
Everywhere everywhere everywhere
Willful suspension of disbelief"
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