aww hell, one more

Am not in the mood to blog. Here are some pictures of my preggo boobs.









and my dog yawning

Dearest latchkey kids and Culkins,


So my husband sometimes goes on business trips alone, leaveing me and the dog the run of the house. These are the things i do in my house alone.

Cook elaborate meals for myself, Usually something from Julia Child involving twine and puff pastry and cream or an egg from a non chicken. Sometimes something Indian or chinese so i can try a new spice, Eat this glamorous meal (or the pizza I order when it fails) while watching something madcap in black and white, or a documentary about something dull in the art world.

Take myself to a coffee shop with a novel

eat tons of garlic

practice strip routines to inappropriate songs (especially fun while pregnant)

sleep in the middle of the bed

fall asleep on the couch

eat out, at 5 o'clock (for happy hour) get 3 appetizers and the fanciest drink i can think to order.

Watch hours of craft shows

Practice drag queen/spacelady/pin-up make-up in the mirror untill i am giddy

Take baths so long that i have to add hot water.




What are your things you love doing alone?

Hello my delays and procrastinators,

This isn't a blog as much as it is a list of things i should do this week and either won't do or don't want to. I will probibly do 4 of them.

Remember to take prenatals, so that my spawn is smarter then me. Because as far as I can tell from absentmindedly skimming books about babies, if you don't have folic acid your fetus will be a serious mouth breather.

Unpack, fold, and put away my laundry

Go to the grocery store, I have been adding fresh veggies to things from the bodega. They do not cancel each other out. (fresh organic spinach, a brown speckled egg, lemon zest, and chicken ramen is amazing high/low food.)

Buy vacuum cleaner.

Finish reading my trashy novel so i can read the awesome book i borrowed from Khoos.

Learn to use colorful jargon

Take pictures of my crazy belly/cool boobs (my nipples went from fluffy bunny nose pink to cafe con leche brown!)

Learn to make eyeshadow not look like it was applied by a drag queen who hates me.

Stop judgeing men by their walk.

Find boys names i don't hate or associate with crumby exes/4th grade bullies/bad roommates. That I can spell. That is not shared with a member of my or my husbands family.

I will blog better soon, i promise





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Hello my Snips and Snails,


So my life has been pretty dull since my last post, but there were some awesome highlights.


Khoos visited my messy apartment with babies, homemade marshmallows, and lip balm in tow. She is wonderful.

I went a bit crazy at the post easter candy sale, and now have 6 boxes of robins eggs (They are like whoppers, chocolate covered malt balls, but egg shaped and covered in a very hard candy shell)

I got a red dress for Gala.

I think my belly finally did a little "pop" so i look a wee bit pregnant.

I bought my very first celery root

I baked a pie crust from scratch

and i found out I am growing a penis, aka

What did you do for the first time this week?

Things I ate, and enjoyed, in the last 4 months that are straight up gross.

Vanilla extract
sweet pickles
potting soil (only a little)
whole raw onions
homemade paste
a few blades of lawn


Pica is a strange experience.


What is the strangest/grossest thing you ever ate?

Hello my Falling Skies and Goosey Looseys,



Today is gonna be great!! Wall to wall things to do, all of it fun and interesting.


First I get to start packing! (I know that doesn't sound fun) I am moving down the street to a real apartment with doors, and legal electricity, and a floor without a hole in it!! I am sad to be leaving my weird little place but excited to live in a real apartment. The only problem is that it is over a shop on a huge bar/peacocking street so if any of you have any soundproofing tips let me know.


Then I get to go to dance rehersal with this awesome (also very nutty) singer who wants a bunch of fat girls dancing on stage at his Prince tribute show.

Then I have french toast with blue cheese and dates for dinner. And a glass of fake wine. (sangria soda)

Then I go see my baby brothers band. They....well they are haveing a good time


I will have alot of down time between these activities, what do you do when you have 15 minutes to do nothing, but have to keep your energy up?

Hello my eyes and Es,


Some of you may have noticed I am a terrible speller.So I have little devices for remembering how to spell words that i get wrong alot.

Dessert is like desert but you get an indulgent extra S

You get to see your friends friday at the end of the week.

Big Elephants Can Always Understand Small Elephants spells "Because"

Together" is made up of 'To get her.'



Do you do this?



I've been a bit extra spacey recently, and have been eating like a hoarse.


I know this is a lame blog, but the last one made me feel like a jerk

Hello my Fast times and Sean Penns,

I am perhaps, too self aware about quoting from movies in everyday life.

Maybe it's because it is the only way my husband communicates with people he dosen't know well, and even some close friend and relatives. It's to the point where he speaks basically nonsense unless you have seen every movie made from the late 70s through the mid 90s (like that episode of Star Treck the next generation, Darmock, when the walls fell )

This. drives. me. crazy.

I understand that it is a copeing thing, a trying-to ease-into-a-friendship-because-we-probibly-have-these-things -in-common thing, but it keeps me from shareing many friends with him. And it makes it so i find his conversations so dull, sometimes it sounds like "blah Aliens, blah blah caddyshack,blah blah Princess bride, blah blah blah Airplane" without any real conversation or connection inbetween. Because of this lack of connection sometimes I feel like he dosen't know shit about his friends, and maybe wouldn't like them if he did.

When I do quote from things (rarely) it's usually to make the girls in the room feel comfortable, it's always pop culture shit his male friends don't get. It's a Kelly line from The Office, or from Mean girls (stop trying to make _____ happen) or from any number of screwball comedies staring Carey Grant. I do this perhaps three times a year. Mostly in a subtleish apology for my husband talking over them, or taking over a conversation long after it has become apparent that he has nothing to say, and is just nervous.


I know it's a nerd boy thing, an akward thing, and a bit of a macho thing. But I think it keeps him from makeing real conections, and sometimes forming real opinions. When he is mad with me, or feeling distant he never tells me ( ) but he starts treating me "like a friend"

Do you ever have problems with someone you loves public persona?

Hello my embryos and zygotes,


Wanna know something weird about being knocked up?


Everything smells gross!! even things you love I stopped baking bread because the smell of fresh baked bread made me sick




So you guys had some questions a blog ago.

I'm due in September, so i am 4 months along.

I'm gonna find out if it is a girl or a boy next month, I think it's a boy. My grandmother and every other old lady I know is sure it's a girl.

I crave candy and cheese. So i have learned to make cheese and am learning to make candy.

I have no clue what name I will choose.

I have no clue what kind of birth i'm gonna have.



My question for you is, What did you name your kids, or your imaginary kids, or your imaginary animals?