PICS
Hello my toast and cafe con leches,
Strange little passages from my personal journal. I did this thing called "the artists way" a few years ago. And the only thing that I kept up was an exercise she has readers do where they write first thing in the morning. I have been getting kind of a kick out of reading my dramatic and strange first thoughts. This is some of the ones that I thought would be good to share, as I am trying out making myself more vulnerable.
Since I write it for myself I don't check spelling or grammar. sorry.
Strange little passages from my personal journal. I did this thing called "the artists way" a few years ago. And the only thing that I kept up was an exercise she has readers do where they write first thing in the morning. I have been getting kind of a kick out of reading my dramatic and strange first thoughts. This is some of the ones that I thought would be good to share, as I am trying out making myself more vulnerable.
Since I write it for myself I don't check spelling or grammar. sorry.
I am, by my nature, more actress then model. Though almost all my acting is subtle and strange, fakeing accents at the grocery store, pretending boring stories are funny, treating important people like they are kids like me (this works surprisingly well, rich people love being talked down to, and love free shit) I am mostly by my nature, a liar. I wish I was Mark Twain so that it would be charming, but I am not.
The dentist says I grind my teeth in my sleep, but I do it when I'm awake. I am much more upset then anybody knows. Like the james bond of hurt feelings and rage. I am gonna have flat long neck dinosaur teeth, maybe eating leaves will calm me down.
Fat fat fat fat, how can i love my body and hate everything that my body makes people think about me. SG is bad for my body image, Sometimes I look at these girls, these women who are my friends and think "I will never be beautiful" "I would be happier and turned on and wanted and sexy if I just....." and though I know its dumb more things in my life tell me that then not. Its not their fault, they can't help it that they are everything that someone I want wants, but I still am a mess in their presence of their pictures. I know that people they want don't want me. I know that (though its not true) they never feel as rejected as I do. Their lovers want them, or girls that look like them but with red hair. They aren't rejected not just as a person but as an archtype
List 22 dream things that I think showed up last night.
olive oil
red
Greece
Mazes
hoofs
blue leather
rubber
herbs
Hows that for a sad and strange and ugly little blog?
Do you keep a journal? Who (or what) knows your worst and dumbest thoughts?
Hello my novelty items,
So I have been biding my time looking at sex toys on the internet.
I should be looking at baby stuff, but after a while your eyes can't take anymore pastels or bizarre puns. ("I'm doggone crazy for Daddy
) so i slip over to the other window and drool over sex toys.
it's a rainbow dildo!!!!
I know that i won't be able to see it when I use it, but who dosen't like a delightfully bright sex toy box? I'll tell you who. Jerks! (aka people with more refined taste then me, who I am jealous of.)
Being pregnant is....its fucking weird. I feel him move and it moves my body, and he wakes up before me, and wakes me up by kicking me in the cervix. I find the whole thing to weird to be real, and i sometimes forget that at the end of this there is gonna be a person.
I am scared of him still. It scares me, that he has so so much power over my life, that he can change my body and my brain and how i think of myself. He isn't a person yet, he isn't even a thing but he has taken over so much of my life. My conversations and my relationship, what I eat and how I sleep. It's strange how a change as small as what position you sleep in can really fuck you up.
Who do you write blogs for? who is your imaginary audience?
So I have been biding my time looking at sex toys on the internet.
I should be looking at baby stuff, but after a while your eyes can't take anymore pastels or bizarre puns. ("I'm doggone crazy for Daddy
) so i slip over to the other window and drool over sex toys.it's a rainbow dildo!!!!
I know that i won't be able to see it when I use it, but who dosen't like a delightfully bright sex toy box? I'll tell you who. Jerks! (aka people with more refined taste then me, who I am jealous of.)
Being pregnant is....its fucking weird. I feel him move and it moves my body, and he wakes up before me, and wakes me up by kicking me in the cervix. I find the whole thing to weird to be real, and i sometimes forget that at the end of this there is gonna be a person.
I am scared of him still. It scares me, that he has so so much power over my life, that he can change my body and my brain and how i think of myself. He isn't a person yet, he isn't even a thing but he has taken over so much of my life. My conversations and my relationship, what I eat and how I sleep. It's strange how a change as small as what position you sleep in can really fuck you up.
Who do you write blogs for? who is your imaginary audience?
Hello my Tums and Pepto Bismols
A list of things i find gross.
The watery pinky orange liquid that comes out of ketchup bottles before the ketchup. And the starchy looking water that separates from yogurt.
Teenagers and their sexuality (ewww!!!) I hate that so much media assumes I find them hot. When I think of teenagers i think of their weird smell, bad sex, stupid "deep" ideas, vacant eyes, mean little faces and inability to do anything right due to hormones. I like some of them as people, but as a group? eww
Yellow Gatorade
Guys who bring acoustic guitars to parties without being asked. Some of them even act annoyed when the party goes on around them, that we are not all hypnotized by his Dylanesqe cover of "Fairies Wear Boots"
The tampons that you get in vending machines in the bathroom.
Orange powder cheese, the kind that comes with macaroni. I love how it tastes, but hate looking at it.
Spray Air. The kind for cleaning computers.
I don't usually think of myself as that neurotic. Maybe I should re examine that.
oh also,
A list of things i find gross.
The watery pinky orange liquid that comes out of ketchup bottles before the ketchup. And the starchy looking water that separates from yogurt.
Teenagers and their sexuality (ewww!!!) I hate that so much media assumes I find them hot. When I think of teenagers i think of their weird smell, bad sex, stupid "deep" ideas, vacant eyes, mean little faces and inability to do anything right due to hormones. I like some of them as people, but as a group? eww
Yellow Gatorade
Guys who bring acoustic guitars to parties without being asked. Some of them even act annoyed when the party goes on around them, that we are not all hypnotized by his Dylanesqe cover of "Fairies Wear Boots"
The tampons that you get in vending machines in the bathroom.
Orange powder cheese, the kind that comes with macaroni. I love how it tastes, but hate looking at it.
Spray Air. The kind for cleaning computers.
I don't usually think of myself as that neurotic. Maybe I should re examine that.
oh also,
What grosses you out?
Oh and I have a twitter now: LadyFistForever
it sounds way dirtier then it is.
Hello my snapshots and portraits,
This isn't so much a blog as it is a picture dump.
Sexy prego pics and the aforementioned milky boob picture
right here!!
I'm not sure if you can even see it, but I am leaking sweet clear and white marbled milk from my boobs. It smells like skin and tres leches cake.
My nipples are the color of rye bread. And look at my giant head!! Look at it!! its freaky huge!!
Sexy pictures I took to entertain myself
oh upskirt!!
My teakettle and an arty tree.
oh and one extra sexy picture
This isn't so much a blog as it is a picture dump.
Sexy prego pics and the aforementioned milky boob picture
right here!!
I'm not sure if you can even see it, but I am leaking sweet clear and white marbled milk from my boobs. It smells like skin and tres leches cake.
My nipples are the color of rye bread. And look at my giant head!! Look at it!! its freaky huge!!
Sexy pictures I took to entertain myself
oh upskirt!!
My teakettle and an arty tree.
oh and one extra sexy picture
Hello my yellow tails and mahi mahis,
I keep haveing these dreams where i lock a piglet in my house and lock myself out.
The piglet destroys my comics and pees all over my bed, and digs up my carpet.
I have a very stressful dream life, I wonder what that's about.
So remember that mystery neighbor? That one in number 5?
Turns out he is in fact, a she!! And incredibly cute. She looks a bit like Temper if Temper was about 5 feet tall and had an oddly big (and very cute) bottom.
She is blonde though. And she has cats, and does some sort of web hosting thing. But she never wears sweatpants.
Her door still smells like wet paper bags though.
Take another look at Ditto and tell your friends.
I keep haveing these dreams where i lock a piglet in my house and lock myself out.
The piglet destroys my comics and pees all over my bed, and digs up my carpet.
I have a very stressful dream life, I wonder what that's about.
So remember that mystery neighbor? That one in number 5?
Turns out he is in fact, a she!! And incredibly cute. She looks a bit like Temper if Temper was about 5 feet tall and had an oddly big (and very cute) bottom.
She is blonde though. And she has cats, and does some sort of web hosting thing. But she never wears sweatpants.
Her door still smells like wet paper bags though.
Take another look at Ditto and tell your friends.
Tell me about a time you guessed and were very very wrong.
Hello my Cakes and Pizzas,
Tomorrow is my birthday!! So I have the perfect day planned
Wake up early and have fancy iced coffee, from snooty coffee place. Maybe have their poached egg and asparagus sandwich.
Go to the public pool in a taxi. Because I am fancy.
Eat empanadas and horchata in a styrafom cup from food cart near the pool.
Taxi home.
Nap while watching episodes of "Peepshow" "The IT Crowd" or "Are You being served" so that i have english accented dreams.
Wake up, eat Russian black bread with butter and jam, and chocolate milk.
Get my hair cut.
Pizza, and a half a glass of red wine.
What do you do for your birthday? What would you have me do if you were planneing mine? (keep it clean kids )
And go wish my twin Trauma a happy birthday too
Tomorrow is my birthday!! So I have the perfect day planned
Wake up early and have fancy iced coffee, from snooty coffee place. Maybe have their poached egg and asparagus sandwich.
Go to the public pool in a taxi. Because I am fancy.
Eat empanadas and horchata in a styrafom cup from food cart near the pool.
Taxi home.
Nap while watching episodes of "Peepshow" "The IT Crowd" or "Are You being served" so that i have english accented dreams.
Wake up, eat Russian black bread with butter and jam, and chocolate milk.
Get my hair cut.
Pizza, and a half a glass of red wine.
What do you do for your birthday? What would you have me do if you were planneing mine? (keep it clean kids
)And go wish my twin Trauma a happy birthday too
Hello my Egos and Confessions,
Things I do not understand, but pretend I do because I don't want to look stupid.
Smokey eyeshadow
How gas planets stay together
The difference between types of electric music
The A.D./B.C. system and it's non Jesus related counterpart.
How painkillers work.
How exactly, 1 comet killed all the dinosaurs, everywhere.
WW1 (somebody killed a duke and then...????)
What is involved exactly, in getting yeast to make bread so awesome.
Why some people are colorblind, and how they figure that out.
Some of these things I look up on a regular basis, and still can't retain, and some I love the weird magic of so much that I kinda don't want to know.
I still have 3 sets in M.R. I know you will like at least one of them.
Minette
Early Bird
and the scary girl/pop music/latex and fishnet fetish piece, known as Ditto
Take a look, and then tell me something you pretend to know but don't.
Things I do not understand, but pretend I do because I don't want to look stupid.
Smokey eyeshadow
How gas planets stay together
The difference between types of electric music
The A.D./B.C. system and it's non Jesus related counterpart.
How painkillers work.
How exactly, 1 comet killed all the dinosaurs, everywhere.
WW1 (somebody killed a duke and then...????)
What is involved exactly, in getting yeast to make bread so awesome.
Why some people are colorblind, and how they figure that out.
Some of these things I look up on a regular basis, and still can't retain, and some I love the weird magic of so much that I kinda don't want to know.
I still have 3 sets in M.R. I know you will like at least one of them.
Minette
Early Bird
and the scary girl/pop music/latex and fishnet fetish piece, known as Ditto
Take a look, and then tell me something you pretend to know but don't.
Hello my Jimmy Stewarts and binoculars,
New apartment, so since my last list was so popular I have desided on a new round up of my neighbors.
Apt 6: Cute couple, she has curly browny black hair and looks like a soap ad, except that she dresses kinda like a mall bohemian. She has a very slight southern accent and it makes her sound nicer then she is. I really like her, though we hardly talk.
He looks like a picture of an artist in a storybook, accept for his smokey demonic tattoos. He is from Sacramento and talks a bit more slowly then you would expect from looking at him. I think he is a contractor, I think he is very handsome.
Their house smells like cheap insence and good pot.
Apt 5: Though we have never met I have decided 3 things about him.
He works with computers
He is blonde
He is a HE
I also think may have a cat, and is the kind of person who wears sweatpants everywhere. I have decided all of these things based on absolutely nothing. I have never seen him, but the area around his door smells like wet paper bags and he gets alot of mail from big computer companies, and I have an overactive imagination.
Apt 4: 2 rotating Japanese students staying with an older gentleman who gives me the willies.
My favorite so far is named Apple. She is very eager to get coffee so she can practice her English. She doesn't drink but collects wine corks, She is very girly, really into my pregnancy, in love with Justin Timberlake, and I thought she was 14 till she told me she was 21. I once saw her leave the house to go to the bodega in 6 inch heels.
The other students have never talked to me, but they are all attractive and very well dressed.
The old man is hard to read, but he gets food delivered every day from some sort of service.
Apt 3: Is a family from Isreal, A husband a wife and 3 boys.
Wife is very sweet, gives me candy, and talks to me about baby stuff. She has hair so long she can sit on it, and it is so beautifully shiny. I can hear her yelling through the carpet.
The two youngest are rough and tumble, and are always yelling "Kelev!! Kelev!!" at me because they want to see my dog.
The oldest is kind and gentle and very sweet. I also think he is one of the most quietly smart kids I know.
I have met the husband once, he looks like a gnome, if gnomes wore slightly sparkly poly blend shirts. He has a great smile.
Apt 2 and 1: do not exist
So tell me about your neighbors, and if you haven't...
New apartment, so since my last list was so popular I have desided on a new round up of my neighbors.
Apt 6: Cute couple, she has curly browny black hair and looks like a soap ad, except that she dresses kinda like a mall bohemian. She has a very slight southern accent and it makes her sound nicer then she is. I really like her, though we hardly talk.
He looks like a picture of an artist in a storybook, accept for his smokey demonic tattoos. He is from Sacramento and talks a bit more slowly then you would expect from looking at him. I think he is a contractor, I think he is very handsome.
Their house smells like cheap insence and good pot.
Apt 5: Though we have never met I have decided 3 things about him.
He works with computers
He is blonde
He is a HE
I also think may have a cat, and is the kind of person who wears sweatpants everywhere. I have decided all of these things based on absolutely nothing. I have never seen him, but the area around his door smells like wet paper bags and he gets alot of mail from big computer companies, and I have an overactive imagination.
Apt 4: 2 rotating Japanese students staying with an older gentleman who gives me the willies.
My favorite so far is named Apple. She is very eager to get coffee so she can practice her English. She doesn't drink but collects wine corks, She is very girly, really into my pregnancy, in love with Justin Timberlake, and I thought she was 14 till she told me she was 21. I once saw her leave the house to go to the bodega in 6 inch heels.
The other students have never talked to me, but they are all attractive and very well dressed.
The old man is hard to read, but he gets food delivered every day from some sort of service.
Apt 3: Is a family from Isreal, A husband a wife and 3 boys.
Wife is very sweet, gives me candy, and talks to me about baby stuff. She has hair so long she can sit on it, and it is so beautifully shiny. I can hear her yelling through the carpet.
The two youngest are rough and tumble, and are always yelling "Kelev!! Kelev!!" at me because they want to see my dog.
The oldest is kind and gentle and very sweet. I also think he is one of the most quietly smart kids I know.
I have met the husband once, he looks like a gnome, if gnomes wore slightly sparkly poly blend shirts. He has a great smile.
Apt 2 and 1: do not exist
So tell me about your neighbors, and if you haven't...
Hello my "Shhh!'s and hushes,
I need a new blog entry, but my computer has a virus.
So i am in the library at a school i don't go to. So this will be pretty bare bones.
Scary rock and roll set? You betcha!! Turbulence brought out a side of me i didn't know I had.
I like her, and she scares me a bit.
I've been ok, having nerd troubles, and sudden friend troubles, but i think I will be ok. Being pregnant separates the wheat from the chafe that's for sure (is that the expression? it suddenly sounds wrong.)
I am thinking of taking pictures of my crazy milk boobs, but i need you to tell me if that would be gross or cool. in this age of the internet i am never sure.
Virus will be fixed soon, and i will reply to your messages.
Tell me a story about the way something smells.
My neighbors house smells like taragon, vinal, red onions and fabreeze.
I need a new blog entry, but my computer has a virus.
So i am in the library at a school i don't go to. So this will be pretty bare bones.
Scary rock and roll set? You betcha!! Turbulence brought out a side of me i didn't know I had.
I like her, and she scares me a bit.
I've been ok, having nerd troubles, and sudden friend troubles, but i think I will be ok. Being pregnant separates the wheat from the chafe that's for sure (is that the expression? it suddenly sounds wrong.)
I am thinking of taking pictures of my crazy milk boobs, but i need you to tell me if that would be gross or cool. in this age of the internet i am never sure.
Virus will be fixed soon, and i will reply to your messages.
Tell me a story about the way something smells.
My neighbors house smells like taragon, vinal, red onions and fabreeze.
so.....
This Happened.
I highly recommend listening to The Gossip while checking it out.
or
Where I first saw her. I think I am sitting behind the camera girl. She was so beautiful I had to go home. I was to overwhelmed by the idea of running into her at the afterparty. My diary entry from that day says "I think Bet Diddo is the prettiest girl I have ever seen."
or
or
This charming and strange little clip
I hope you all like my stealth body acceptance/pop music/fetish set
I promise a adventure filled "behind the scenes" blog. But I have to step away from the computer when a set goes into MR, otherwise I obsess.
This Happened.
I highly recommend listening to The Gossip while checking it out.
or
Where I first saw her. I think I am sitting behind the camera girl. She was so beautiful I had to go home. I was to overwhelmed by the idea of running into her at the afterparty. My diary entry from that day says "I think Bet Diddo is the prettiest girl I have ever seen."
or
or
This charming and strange little clip
I hope you all like my stealth body acceptance/pop music/fetish set
I promise a adventure filled "behind the scenes" blog. But I have to step away from the computer when a set goes into MR, otherwise I obsess.
