sooo....


I haven't written in a very very long time.


My life is so fucking cliche guys.

I have a really pretty baby (will post pictures when i figure out how to post pictures from a mac) I spend all my time playing with and sleeping with and feeding him. and none of my time on the internet.

My body is softer and harder and incredibly miraculusly functional, but its hard for me to feel like Suri, i mostly feel like the kind of earth mama who i used to see in the bay area.

But there hasn't been a day since i thought of something on here, or someone.


I can't wait to come back

any fun SG gossip since I've been away?

So guys...

This is my son.



He was hard to get out.


SG, say hello to Andre Matteo.

He smells great, and i love him so hard that it hurts a bit.

so i can't sleep.

at all, i am nervous about my life changeing,.


real blog later.

Hello my Sirens and Mermaids,



So the good part about being SGs token fat girl is that I get away with having opinions. Unlike the poor 18 year old brunettes who still have high hopes of sets being bought (good luck kids)


What Sg is doing to staff photographers is bullshit, and the fact that they fired 2 of the 3 official photographers who will shoot diverse body types and to be perfectly frank, girls of color.

ScottSmallin shot my favorite bought set of mine, he is sweet and smart and kind and clever and strong. But sweet and gentle as a tame circus bear. Nobody who gets a chance should miss a chance to meet this good man.




Lorelei shoots the most beautiful and loving sets of all women's bodies. She made me feel like a goddess. And I hope that every woman gets to see how she looks through her lens.




I hate it when this site treats people like shit. If I was paying money to be here, I would stop right now.

hello my earth shakers,


blah, blah, blah earthquake, blah blah blah why did I leave the west coast, blah blah blah


I have a serious countdown to The Birth Day going.

And i can't seem to do anything but sleep and grind my teeth.



So this blog is profoundly lame.


anything happening with you? anything not related to me tearing from hole to hole?

Hello my monsters and closets,


you know that picture of me in my favorite shirt? The one that says "I'm Fat Lets Party" ? The one that you can see here?



and here



and like 3/4 of the time when you see me in real life? Well the dude who made that shirt got his whole tiny business stolen out of his van.

So he started a kickstarter with some awesome rewards for people who help out, includeing your own version of my favorite shirt.

And I have a little contest for you, the first of you who can send me a confirmation that you helped my buddy with a gift over 20 out gets a fun little SG prize pack and some random entertaining shit from me.

and um...just so this blog isn't too lame, here is a crazy boob/belly picture.



please do me a favor and help out a really sweet geek.

Hello my hard peaches and green bananas,


I am so so so not ready.


So instead of thinking about what I should be thinking about, or reading what I should be reading, or cleaning what I should be cleaning, I am gonna make a series of lists.


David Bowie dance moves that baffle me

1. Every god damn thing in this video. Try any of them out, they are fucking absurd.




Flavors of seltzer water I enjoy

Lime
Mandarin Orange
Pomagranate
Plain
Vanilla


Things I would do if I was a boy for an hour (in no particular order)

shave my face
masturbate
try to make my dick spin like pastie tassels
sit on the bus with my legs open really wide
go someplace public so when I switch back to a girl it would freak everyone out!!!


Sitcoms I watch, but lie about watching.

Friends



Things I do with my friend Dan

Talk shit
drink wine
watch movies in black and white
eat food we see on TV
drink wine
and lemonade



Things I like about the state of florida

The ocean is warm
Key West is very gay
Cuban pastries
lychee wine
huge tropical plants, just sitting around.


Post a list of your own in the comments

Hello my bonzais and cherry tomatoes,



Did you guys know I grew a roommate? Her name is Connie, and if you are friends with me on the twitter I talk about her/to her all the time. She is going through a break up with this weiner of a dude, so mostly I get her blitzed. And we gossip.


Did I tell you guys about Lamaze class? The hospital provides what it calls a lamaze class, but its mostly a birth primer for people who (as far as I can tell) have gotten to 7 months pregnant and have not read a single book on the subject. I think I met my arch nemesis in that class, she managed to be judgmental and dumb and either give me the stink eye, or have one of those faces that naturally gives everyone the stink eye. Oddly I don't find one more forgivable then the other.

Homegirl asked if she was to skinny to give birth, while stink eyeing me, she also thought gas was braxton hicks contractions. (if you don't know what those are its cool, but they are mentioned in every book about pregnancy, so she should know) she also asked what a placenta is. Is this a Phiwy (thats how they say it) thing or as anyone else been in a class full of pregnant dummies.?

I HATE dumb wealthy people. I have some class issues I need to sort out.

Pregnancy is going great, i am a giantess (ill try to as pictures later) and my belly button looks like an asshole.

My boobs are presenting tiny amounts of sticky milk. Its kinda marbled and smells sweet and floral. Its kinda neat to discover a body fluid that is not gross.

Do you guys have arch Nemeses? tell me about them!

Hello my toast and cafe con leches,


Strange little passages from my personal journal. I did this thing called "the artists way" a few years ago. And the only thing that I kept up was an exercise she has readers do where they write first thing in the morning. I have been getting kind of a kick out of reading my dramatic and strange first thoughts. This is some of the ones that I thought would be good to share, as I am trying out making myself more vulnerable.


Since I write it for myself I don't check spelling or grammar. sorry.

Hows that for a sad and strange and ugly little blog?


Do you keep a journal? Who (or what) knows your worst and dumbest thoughts?

Hello my novelty items,


So I have been biding my time looking at sex toys on the internet.


I should be looking at baby stuff, but after a while your eyes can't take anymore pastels or bizarre puns. ("I'm doggone crazy for Daddy ) so i slip over to the other window and drool over sex toys.



it's a rainbow dildo!!!!

I know that i won't be able to see it when I use it, but who dosen't like a delightfully bright sex toy box? I'll tell you who. Jerks! (aka people with more refined taste then me, who I am jealous of.)


Being pregnant is....its fucking weird. I feel him move and it moves my body, and he wakes up before me, and wakes me up by kicking me in the cervix. I find the whole thing to weird to be real, and i sometimes forget that at the end of this there is gonna be a person.

I am scared of him still. It scares me, that he has so so much power over my life, that he can change my body and my brain and how i think of myself. He isn't a person yet, he isn't even a thing but he has taken over so much of my life. My conversations and my relationship, what I eat and how I sleep. It's strange how a change as small as what position you sleep in can really fuck you up.


Who do you write blogs for? who is your imaginary audience?