TODAY I FELT LIKE EXPRESSING THIS:
So hard it´s become to my heart to let go from the past, and i don´t mean just the past as my experiences, but as a whole...my goodness...you have no idea how much i miss being my grandma´s girl...and keep calm and comfortable home safe from everything and everyone and happy that i was theirs and they were mine....now it seems my sking got old, my age shows it and my thoughts have become so humanly stattic even though I TRY as hard as i can not to lose my essence it´s so hard and the world has got so many cold corners to contain us in every day that at some point we forget who we were in thw first place. yes, everything is in movement...nothing is quiet and static but sometimes all that rush kills me...all i want sometimes is to say FUCK YOU TO THE WHOLE WORLD!
i want to be clear in the sense that i am not resented to the world but instead i´m complaining because we FORGET...we forget so much and move on so fast that no good feelings get to be really printed in our hearts out of some day to day experiences...
i can only thank god and myself that i do...but i really suffer when i see others that dont and who are close to me and i normally say to myself "you have no idea how much time you´re wasting right now"
my goodness...maybe it is for all of this that i feel so old...i feel it in my heart in spite of all the many yers that the biological matter should save for me
i´ve come to realize that i do not want to die knowing i wasted all this precious air doing nothing but producing stupid ideas and thoughts in my head and share them with the world for a worthless reason...
right now i´m listening to one of those bands from like ten years ago that still causes me the same chill down my spine...

HELL YEAH IM BACK!
JESUS CHRIST, IT´S BEEN QUITE A LONG TIME SINCE MY LAST POST AND IM SORRY ABOUT IT BUT I BARELY HAD TIME TO DO A THING! THIS WORKING-FAMILY-FRIENDS THING JUST KEEPS ME UP ALL DAY AND BARELY HAVE TIME FOR ANY OTHEER STUFF!
I´VE BEEN VERY BUSY LATELY BUT ALSO SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH MY BOYFRIEND (NOT AS MUCH AS I´D PREFER SINCE HE STUDIES UP TILL 11:00 OM...QUITE LATE SO WHEN HE COMES BACK NOT ONLY IM EXHAUSTED BUT ALSO READY FOR SLEEPING :/
BUT I DO CAN SAY I SPEND MOST OF THE DAYS WITH MY BEST FRIEND NATTIE, I GUESS I COULD SAY THAT NOT DOING MUCH BECAUSE IT´S COLD AROUND HERE AND WE´VE BECOME SOMETHING LIKE TWO BEARS ONLY WAITING FOR THE SPRING (NOT TO SAY SUMMER) ARRIVES ASAP!
SO WE BASICALLY SIT, WATCH TV, GRAB A BITE TO EAT, LAUGH AND SOMETIMES WE DONT EVEN DO ANYTHING AT ALL...I THOUGHT ABOUT IT YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO TAKE OFF AND SHE SAID "AINT U GONNA STAY TO WATCH 16 AND PREGNANT?" -SHE LOVES THAT SHOW- AND I SAID "OK SURE" BUT THEN WHEN I WENT HOME I REALISED WE HAD DONE NOTHING ALL AFTERNOON...STILL IT SEEMS WE ENJOY EACH OTHERS COMPANY
SHE HAD SURGERY LAST WEEK, NOTHING MAJOR, BUT STILL IS FEELING QUITE NEEDED FOR SOME FRIENDLY COMPANY I ASSUME...THAT LEADS ME TO SOMETHING I´VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT: I COULD SAY " I LOST A FRIEND" QUITE SOMETIME AGO...I "LOST HER" BECAUSE I LOST CLOSENESS TO OUR FRIENDSHIP, AND I LOST FEELINGS FOR HER, SINCE SHE RUN AWAY FOR NO REASON SOME TIME AGO...SHE MADE SOME MISTAKES (NOT ONLY WITH ME, BUT I MEAN IN GENERAL) WHICH I DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT...I TRY NOT TO TAKE THAT EVEN AS A RELEVANT THING TO SAY ON ANYBODY...BUT OF COURSEE WE ALWAYS TEND TO GIVE SOME SORT OF SPACE TO THE THINGS WE DONT LIKE OR APPRECIATE...WHY IS IT THAT WE DO THAT?
I MEAN, A RELATIONSHIP CAN GO JUST EXCELLENT FOR MANY YEARS BUT THEN IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG FOR A COUPLE DAYS IT SEEMS ALL THAT HAS A LOT MORE WEIGHT TO US THAN ALL THE REST OF MANY MANY WONDERFUL JOURNIES...IT KEEPS ME THINKING A LOT...BUT I GUESS THAT IS EXACTLY COMPARABLE TO SAYING THAT IF YOU SPILL A BIT OF BLACK INK ON A PIECE OF WHITE FABRIC THERE´S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY NO ONE´S GONNA SEE IT...IT´S THERE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO...I WISH WE COULD SOMETIMES SEE THE WHOLE FABRIC AND NOT THAT SPOT...IT´S HARD FOR US AS HUMAN BEINGS TO DO IT I ASSUME, IT´S PART OF OUR NATURE NOT TO DO IT!
IN OTHER NEWS, MY HAIR GREW SO LONG AND IT GOT QUITE BLONDE THROUGH TIME, I´VE ALWAYS BEEN A COPPER BLONDE BUT I THIINK IT´S BLONDER THAN EVER BEFORE, SO I TOOK A FEW PICS

soon another set will be uploaded (gotta shoot first) but im quite excited about the possibilitis of doing it and what can one play with
if you have any suggestions on what you`d like seeing let me know, im open to hear comments, and it could become something fun, ill give you some clues: there`s some info about it in my profile...just have to use imagination to guess what could it be

Yeah, i have to be honest, SOMETIMES, just sometimes, i imagine me and VICE doing SO many things that would just simply blow my mind...i wonder how a set of both of us together could possibly affect my mind

TIRED that`s exactly how i feel right now...all these last weeks i havent even been able to sit the fuck down and write a little bit, but im gonna tell you all some of the things im concerned about right now... first one: i NEED to get a couple new tattoos, yes, definitelly, i need to finish my sleeves, that`s something i`ve left behind for no real reason, but i want to do it ASAP!
actually im a huge fan of everything that has to do with the sea,and sea animals -as a matter of fact im stingray - and between my closest friends my nickname is "the captain" and to be honest the captain is TIRED of seeing her arms so out of ink...i feel like something`s missing, i dunno about the rest of the world but i tend to have this feeling pretty often, like, i HAVE TO do things and all goes behind schedule so it feels as if there`s something missing all the time!
at the same time, fall is about to come here so im HAPPY because that means a lot more rollerblading afternoons in my case, since it`s not deadly hot outside and one can go skating all over!
but i also know i need a pair new rollerblades, ive been having the same rollerderby hybrid`s c 700 for two years now and im done! they`re great skates but im thinking i need a pair of new ones!
and ALSO, that`s related to the fact that i cant spend much money right now cause im saving to buy furniture and all those things since im planning to move alone at the end of this year or beggining of next year!
so basically that`s all im concerned about...hope you have a great great weekend people, and keep it up with the kardashians hahahaha

FUCK:
I truly, really, badly, want to say just fuck today, it´s been the kind of day where everything has sucked a bit, had a million argues and things to decode from others and myself today...it´s been the kind of day where you only wish to get to bed as soon as possible and relax with the sound of not speaking/listening any longer
it reminds me of an R.E.M song called "it´s been a bad day" ...and yeah. we HAVE bad days, we have the kind of days where we want everyone else to dig a hole and bury themselves or even worse, bury yourself alive!
im usually a very very optimist happy human being but also a very sentimental person i should say, and for that matter i just think it´s so unfair when i absorve people´s bad mood and all their shit seems to come through me and knock me dead sometimes!
fuck it all for today

Finally im happy that my weekend starts now! it feels sooooooo good and relaxing knowing that all I have for doing is what i please myself with! and all these hardwork stops for a few days!
hope you all have a nice weekend, this one is a quiet one for me though cuz i went on holiday every single weekend since summer started and right now its my first weekend off the beach hehe
my damn dog doesnt let me write a single thing because she wants e to hug her all the time so im writing with a single hand right now XD
ill upload a pic from her because she looks too cute, she thinks she`s tiny and its a hell of a monster i`ve got here!
stingray`s there is a heaven...

give me some more love!!! please!!! i wanna see this set go FP!

JESUS! i just came back from having a long relaxing holiday with my friends and to be honest i came back a little more tired, also had to deal with a "situation" there, kinda hard for some people to understand, but when your boyfriend's best friend ever`s girl friend is a total biatch to you and all you do is try to be nice to everone things can get a little stressfull and then you stop enjoying yourself a little bit, maybe, and probably because im the kind of person who LOVES armony it gets harder for me to just go and say FUCK OFF, which is exactly what i wanted to do, but i thought about what the consequences of it would be and i figured that MAYBE just maybe, sometimes is easier to stay calm and keep your head up by not being like others in some cases...
all those uncomfortable things made me think a lot about everyone i love and the peace i get when im surrounded by MY FRIENDS or family and how important that is...
thank god i just missed my best friend as never before and im HAPPY to see her again and think of the good things one gets through friends

Well, i guess it`s just getting to be something absolutely normal for me to just dissapear from time to time, it actually makes me a lot of who i am to never be present 24/7...
i get lost, i realise, i get lost in my own thoughts and activities, that sometimes can be simple and yet take me FOREVER to complete...
went for a walk yesterday night, you see, there`s this strange forest nearby which is supposed to have like some sort of jail right in the middle, which i`ve never seen and that is supposed to be extremely dangerous since a few years, but for some reason (perhaps cause is a couple blocks from my place) i just love going there at night, so i went and only sat there for about an hour, it was a pretty hot day so a lot of people were out in the streets, so i just went there, im not really a fan of crowds, as a matter of fact there`s nothing i like or enjoy more osmetimes than loneliness, and i have to admit that even though im a highly sociable person still i so much more rather being on my own sometimes...and so there was this beautiful moonlight and i kept thinking that even though sometimes you feel the danger around you, i dunno...i think i migh not be scared anymore...been through so much in life already and at first turned me into a scared puppy but i guess that`s like a normal reaction that dissapears after a couple of days...and there`s this unscared person instead, dont know when exactly i became that person but it`s all for good i keep saying!
Today, friday, my expectations are a little higher, gonna go somewhere to dance (which i love doing) even though it sounds a little cliche it makes me feel so good, enjoying myself for a couple hours just letting it all go!
i kinda feel like since summer`s coming i start releasing this side of me which was hidden all winter, that take off your coat and let go feelig that i love and wait for the whole year, hope some of you are feeling the same way somewhere else! and enjoy the rest of the weekend!

So YES, today imma talk about something that`s been around my head for pretty much a while and i guess we all think about it from time to time: SEX
OH YESSS, WHO DOESNT LOVE TALKING ABOUT IT?
you see i`ve always been the kind of woman who likes and enjoys freely about it and i LIKE the fact of being sexual and i assume myself as a highly sexual being.
But i`ve seen thorughout time (and here comes the part that im pretty sure realtes us all) that as you assume this position and you stand up stating that you like sex and that this is who you are, most people tend to judge you and tag you as either a bitch or an easy-to fuck- kind of person.
Ignorance and gossip come both hand in hand as i see it in a world that explores sex in a very very superficial way
As i see it, sex is not just the act of receiving pleasure from someone else, it`s a deeper contactand im not talking exclusively about love, im talking about the whole intimous contact itself...
So i constantly wonder what is it that makes people think that benig sexual is wrong or it`s bad??
isnt it worse to be constantly judging sex, people who assume themselves freely in a "free world" and the lack of values when it comes to sex??
i GUESS that`s one of the things i love the most about SUICIDE GIRLS, that we`re all here for the same reason, expressing ourselves freely with no fears, cause in the end, what`s to fear?
as U2 said "im not afraid, of anything in this world"
it`s about time some people stop being scared of LIFE AND NATURE i believe...[img]/media/members/3/86/531863/233806/4175456_attach.jpg[/img