Sparkle's November 23, 2004 blog

Sparkle goes through an existential crisis daily.

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NOVEMBER 23, 2004 @ 07:00 PM

Ever get the feeling that you are just genetically disposed to feeling bad. I know its not healthy to dwell on things that are impossible to change, but it seems imposible not to get into another winter depression. Of course, anyone who reads this blog with any sort of regularity will know that there hasn't been a time where things have been just simply okay. It's not that I intentionally set out to be whiney, it just sort of happens that way.

I am a little sad that one of my friends, one of the only people I can truly call a friend, is leaving after this semester. She will only be about a few hours away and of course will come visit her people here, but I can already tell that it will spent mostly with her boyfriend and I probably will be at work when she comes down so I won't get to spend much time with her anyway.

I just wish I had more friends. It wouldn't matter because even if I did, I would have to work whenever people generally do things (ie: the weekend) . Yeah, I make the choice to not seek a more convenient employment,, yeah there are aspects of my personality which make it unpleasent for people who would hang out with me. For example, there is this group of people who for ages I wanted to be a part of their clique but it never really worked out because I would get drunk and start getting emotional and killing peoples buzzes and not to mention I dated/hooked up with a few of them, so apparently I am the "town slut" or some shit, because I had casual relations with 2 or 3 people in a social circle.

It just makes me angry too...angry and depressed, seems like the story of my life.'

EvilLyn

SUICIDEGIRL

Saint Lucia

NOV 23, 2004 08:01 PM

Blech. Interacting with other people can be a real pain in the ass....friends can be hard to make. Come visit me and we can be the town sluts together. They won't know what to do with us.

Eli

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

NOV 23, 2004 08:18 PM

SilenceNoir

Canada

June 2003

NOV 23, 2004 08:26 PM

The good ones always seem to go away

I hope you're well, it's been a while!

Fixate

Lexington, KY

October 2004

NOV 23, 2004 10:38 PM

I certainly empathize with your lack of friends and apparent drive to feel down. I have been the same way most of my life, and I still haven't found a cure. People will tell you that it's all in your head, and I think "well, no shit, isn't everything?" No one seems to notice, or care. The ones that do end up leaving or being driven away by the constant sadness.

The world does seem to want to agree with those who are unwilling to smile in the name of smiling, to be happy in the name of happiness, to just accept all that transpires as given and destined and for the best. Fuck that. It's not; it can't be.

That's my rambling for the day. If you find any cures, be sure to let me know...

EvilLyn

SUICIDEGIRL

Saint Lucia

NOV 24, 2004 09:26 AM

i'm in podunkville, washington state.

SummaMentis

Starkville, MS

March 2004

NOV 24, 2004 11:35 AM

you are not the town whore. i TOTALLY am. i usually do the same thing. hang out with people sleep with some of them, then for some reason like they all do somebody gets mad at me for some stupid emo crap and i leave. i am always around to hang out with, you know this, i have told you before. or is it you dont want to hang out with me cause you are l337. jajajaja(that is how mexicans laugh)

cdt21

United Kingdom

November 2004

NOV 26, 2004 04:18 PM

In general the world gets on with it because it's survival instinct. The public at large seem to agree with Julie Burchill's (naff) assertion that depression is the biggest indulgence you can have. In other words they see it as selfish and therefore a threat to the group.

Depression is a totally uninvited participant in a person's life. If another person is empathetic they can at least sense the tip of the iceberg in you but you are battling something on a scale they probably cannot imagine.The expression 'Pull yourself together' is sometimes directed at sufferers though for them there is no 'handle' to pull on. You have to be patient with yourself and use your inner strength, the remaining friends and Sparkle to overcome it

pr0ject605

Pittsburgh, PA

February 2003

NOV 27, 2004 09:53 PM

*hugs and luvins*

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