i'm back.

and i love

the desert.
the roadtrip
dolly parton.
tassle twirl-off competition.
group roadside peeing.
delegated dirty whores. if it's ever a roadtrip again, it's you three.
freaking out the women at the truckstops and the children at the hotel.
forty people in the hot tub. capacity is 6?
finally the sun on my bare skin.
buying pointless shit at the truck stop store. a mini blue pig and discount lynard skynard tape.
false eyelashes, lipstick, a sweet smile, sexy nothings, and heels. in the middle of the desert nowhere.
beautiful and sureal.


i do not love you
piece of shit hotel bed. and the kink in my neck you bestowed upon me.
go to hell. bastard.

next. it's new orleans. this truly needs to happen.

after managing to avoid the flu for well over a year, i have it.

i had to stay in and sleep all day yesterday. i missed work today.

and this morning as i was debating whether to get out of bed and face the day or not, i couldn't figure out if the pounding pounding headache was due to caffeine withdrawl or dehydration. coffee or water? luckily, i think i made the wise decision. coffee will never have tasted better than tomorrow morning.

sunday was wonderful:

i slept in. oops. i was supposed to meet at friend's in the morning for rooftop mimosas and Carnaval-debauchery-parade-watching.

woke up. put on my bright-yellow- perfect-for-summer-little-dress, black eyeliner, lip gloss, and big sunglasses. it was a cute day on the town.

met up with my friends and headed over to the new urban forage in the mission. more good fucking vegan and raw food infiltrating the city. the three libras all drank rose vanilla almond-milk shakes. it seemed fitting somehow.

lounged around in Dolores Park in the sun. and wished we were having a picnic. next time the picnic's on.

walked into Holly's work to give her a big squeeze. cause she's the raddest down south sweet girl i know.

...
And this girl right here could not be more excited because, I have the bestest most exciting 2 weeks coming up!!!


tomorrow is my last day at work. hells yes!

and it's 3 more days until MISS EXOTIC WORLD . hot hot desert, a swimming pool, a goat ranch, and a bevy of other foxy ass dancing ladies! as my friend joey put it to me, "the best roadtrip full of boobs, beer, and burlesque that you'll ever have".

after that action-packed litle trip, i come back for a couple days to recuperate and then it's camping in the Sierra Mountains. little ol' rugged me.

and then it's school time.

what are all of you lovelies doing this summer? exciting things?

xo
soraya

Remember when we were running in the grape fields, the sun was going down, there was mud along the rim of my boots. i picked the grapes off the vines, staining my hands, dark red running down my forearms. looked behind at you, over my shoulder. watching you watch the house. the mansion with the six old pristine shiny cars upstairs and the sixteen rooms and it’s all for show. thinking, i’m sure mister coppola could spare a few grapes, you rich bastard.

All i wanted to do was peel the flaking sanitarium green lead paint off the hospital walls. of what was his name’s cell. the birdman of alcatraz. in the cold dingy wet room. and the dark hallway in the hospital. and i ran in the dark, down the hallway, to the surgery room and tried to take a polaroid of the old shiny stainless steel operating table. and why was i really wondering that if i was to peel off the lead paint, and eat it. will it really give me cancer, and wouldn’t the millions of toxins i’ve already consumed somehow already take care of that. and. really. really why am i being so compulsive.

And the sun was shining when we lay down under the wild apple tree with the bees swarming and the tall grass and the blanket and the feeling that we don’t have to do anything, we don’t have to go anywhere, we have every moment and the moment just won’t be long enough. and we’re laughing until we fall asleep together. with the bees and the scraggly tree and the apples and forgetting everything as if there is absolutely nothing in the world that we have to do. and is it really there? was it?

And why do i want to just drive for miles and miles and watch the sun start to set and the fields turn from glistening bright green to shades of orange and then red and then you look out and it just barely shines in the blackness. until we reach the next unknown town, with the next unknown possibilities and what ifs. what if i lived in this house and spent my childhood next to this river. right near the railroad tracks and the gas station with one pump and the sign with the words barely etched on still. on the other side of that mountain. what if it were all a little bit different. and not the same.

Would i still crave change like a bad addiction. like i just want to get out. but just can’t leave. and this is all i know and i just don’t want to know it anymore.

And i can’t really remember if it’s nostalgia or something new that i want to experience. Is it something that’s already happened and is locked away in a place of my memory that makes me crave it again. the boundaries between the two play a game of hide and seek. meshing together. making me wonder if i’ll ever feed the noisy craving and constant reminder in my heart that guises itself as what i can only describe as

Nostalgia.

i picked up a book yesterday called "your miracle brain" and apparently i've contributed to the process of brain rot.

brain rot. it just sounds so lovely.

fish, fish, fish, and flaxseed oil.
that's what i need. the magical Fs.

lately i can't seem to look at the paper without being stricken with anger or nausea.
wavering on oblivia. and glad i'm not quite there.

so what i'm wondering:

where are all polaroids fuckers?

yikes!
has it really been that long since i updated last? phew. it seems like it’s go-go-go in the life of soraya these days.

just in case you’re curious, the last few weeks have gone a little something like this.

1. it has been 15 days since i have officially quit smoking cigarettes entirely. that’s right, not one voluntary drag of a cigarette. the involuntary drag was on stage for a friend’s performance the day after i quit. which was a fabulous way to go out, since i had not yet fulfilled that fantasy to be able to smoke on stage.

2. i had my first camping weekend of the year. filled with beautiful people, delicious food, and the start of my annual fucked up tanlines. why is it that the two places that my body loves to capture sun are the side of my forehead not covered by bangs, and the little strip right above my ass that is never covered? and then they just keep getting darker and more awkward each sunny day of the next 4 or so months to come.

3. my house almost burnt down right before my eyes.!!! my housemate left a piece of fabric on top of a light fixture. one thing led to another, smoke, then a flaming closet, then a few very smart, very quick decisions and movements, smothering the burning mess with a blanket, and then me smashing the light fixture to broken glass bits.

!!! scary ass shit. needless to say, i’ve been a little on edge and maybe not so secure feeling in the house since. oh, and i didn’t love the huge-shard-of-glass-stuck-in-my-foot shower incident the next morning either. ouch!

4. been doing a lot of the raw food thing and delicious vegan meals almost daily. i’m so lucky to be surrounded by people who can work some serious cooking magic! (ahem, thank you little miss honey belle and lovely gus).

5. saw theYard Dogs Road Show last week. got more inspiration and motivation... so much ideas and talk floating around, we all just need to get together and actually make something happen. now.

6. ate at sparkys afterwards. yes, filled with drunken 2 am idiots. oh, and hey, yeah you, creepy ass mother fucking drunk idiot i had to deal with that night. yes, you are an idiot sleazebag. and, no, any girl in her right mind is not going to respond to your pathetic pickup advances, including, but not limited to, “can i touch your fishnets, they are just so fucking hot, cause they just rip off so easily.” ugh. you’re lucky you made it alive that night with your balls still attached.

7. in less than one month i will be going from a job involving one kind of toys to a completely opposite job involving much different kind of toys.

i am one happy little monkeychicken.

- best place to hear the most original messed up and down right hilarious pickup lines:

san francisco court house in a miniskirt.

now you know. next time you want to get yourself a real special kind of guy, just throw on that little skirt and pop on over to the courthouse. guaranteed at least a full half hour of amusement.

even the on duty cops got creative with the pickup lines.

- so besides my little-mid-day-errand-running-extravaganza.... what else has been happening? hmm. well, the toe nail ripping off, that was from rehearsal. crazy moves.

- i have two shows coming up. i’ve been starting to feel like a dance machine. if i’m not working, i’m dancing. well, or smoking and drinking coffee. two things i need to stop as of yesterday. mlek. pure nasty feeling in hot summer weather. anyone have any good advice for quitting those two simple addictions? really.

- oooh and somebody special got a job at rainbow grocery (the massive cooperative grocery store here in SF that had more natural food goodness than you can shake a stick at). i can’t wait for the hookup.

- i finally broke down and got some super sexy shoes. they’re some kind of 40s style little foxy heels. i just want to wear them and a little skirt everywhere. well, maybe everywhere except the courthouse.

- there’s a handful of people that i am currently missing the hell out of right now. i wish they would just get their little butts over here. sigh.

the other day my toe nail ripped off and blood poured all over the ground.

and the most annoying thing about it was having to run around on my hands and knees chasing around all the blood spots and scrubbing them off the floor.

just when i was going to invest in some sexy open toed shoes for this crazy hot ass weather. aw shit fuck. maybe some sickass will fetishize my bloody torn up toe. mmmm hott.

1. my morning started off with me dropping a really heavy empty glass bottle off the top of the fridge. it fell so hard that little tiny glass pieces were all the way in the corner of the living room. you know i'll be finding one in the crack of the sofa in a year. it'll poke me in the ass or something oh so fun.

2. i watched 28 days later last night. i don't know what people are talking about with this "scariest movie ever" business. dawn of the dead was 30 times scarier. just ask thursday and heather. we all watched it hiding behind little paper napkins.

3. i've eaten meat probably about 8 times in the last week. and not just some nice grilled chicken or fish. serious meat, like bacon (mmm..neiman ranch is king of the bacon world), carne asada, and burgers. this may be very normal for some of you. for me... it's more like, hello, can you say premenstrual.

4. shook my ass at a show we did tuesday night. i only ever want to perform for fags ever again. they are the best audience ever. they loved us. and i sure love the gay boys.

5. i desperately need a hair cut. fucking medusa over here.

6. tomorrow morning = good breakfast and the company of holly and coco who i feel like i haven't seen in years.

7. in june i am changing my job. it's pretty much the complete opposite of what i've been doing for the last few years. i cannot wait. and if you know me well enough to know where i work, then you'd get it. and this wouldn't be so cryptic.

8. really you cannot demand respect out of anyone else. you can only earn it by giving it to others. like many things, respect works in very reciprocal ways... or not at all.

9. this is long.

you know when everything seems to be going wrong and it’s normal... and that’s just how life is.

and you just want to run away and join the circus or something.

and then everything starts to be going right and falling in to place just a little bit too perfectly....

and then all you want to do is run away and join the circus.

....or maybe just move to l.a. and join them...

a girl can dream.

someone
please
teach
me
to
play
this.

please and thank you.



thank you all so much for the hilarious jokes. now to some of you out there.... i though i had a fucked up sense of humor. jeez.. mine is mellow compared to you alls.

the other day i started throwing nuts at the car next to me for being an idiot and dricing into my lane. having my big ol granny sunglasses on makes me act like an old lady more than i wish. thank god i didn't have a cigarteet hanging from my lip or else i would feel a little bit too much like my grandma....yellin at the cars, acting crass, and smoking.

running into old friends at unexpected moments, impromtu dinners and laughter with new ones...

things are good.
now who's going to teach me to play the damn accordian?