PICS
i want to dance again. it hasn't crossed my mind in years, since i quit the tour...3 years ago? or was it 4, 5? i don't remember. you wait your whole life to live your dream and then you give it up, for no reason...or you give it up for the wrong reason. sometimes things happen so fast that you can't even comprehend what has happened to you. i would give anything to go back and do the right thing. now i have nothing except regret. it stings. i suppose it is never too late. i thought maybe i was too old at 28, but fuck that.
blah blah blah. so enough sitting around feeling sorry for myself, it drains me. i've been sick and really uncomfortable. i like being able to read all day and lounge around the house in my underwear. smoke a clove and drink a glass of milk. i would like to travel soon, just drive around the country and take pictures. next summer i would like to go to rome, maybe by myself. i have the sudden urge to be around a lot of people, strangers, beautiful women, talkative men. i don't want to end.
blah blah blah. so enough sitting around feeling sorry for myself, it drains me. i've been sick and really uncomfortable. i like being able to read all day and lounge around the house in my underwear. smoke a clove and drink a glass of milk. i would like to travel soon, just drive around the country and take pictures. next summer i would like to go to rome, maybe by myself. i have the sudden urge to be around a lot of people, strangers, beautiful women, talkative men. i don't want to end.
Hard boiled egg, wheat toast, coffee, and a radio.
He lies on the table, one year later, five years too late.
The lines of his forehead begin to slow him down.
Let them swallow you, until your throat becomes swollen.
Tobacco and the widow. Heartache and regret.
Lay the pistol on the floor, spit in my face and call me a whore.
He lies on the table, one year later, five years too late.
The lines of his forehead begin to slow him down.
Let them swallow you, until your throat becomes swollen.
Tobacco and the widow. Heartache and regret.
Lay the pistol on the floor, spit in my face and call me a whore.
i think i need to move away from the rain.
i have big eyes and one bottle of wine. i thought i was clear, but i have a biopsy on tuesday.
i erase everything that i write. this leaves me with nothing, with silence. if you are there, will you write me...
it isn't any fun when a saturday night feels just like a wednesday morning. i guess this is what change is, when people move on and you are left with their shadow.
like i said, i need to move away from the rain. fuck, i don't even care if it rains, as long as i can put my feet down somewhere else. i'm edgy, i'm bored, i can pack in twenty minutes.
i have big eyes and one bottle of wine. i thought i was clear, but i have a biopsy on tuesday.
i erase everything that i write. this leaves me with nothing, with silence. if you are there, will you write me...
it isn't any fun when a saturday night feels just like a wednesday morning. i guess this is what change is, when people move on and you are left with their shadow.
like i said, i need to move away from the rain. fuck, i don't even care if it rains, as long as i can put my feet down somewhere else. i'm edgy, i'm bored, i can pack in twenty minutes.
It is cold under the sheets
damp, from the sweat of my back
when you reach for air, there is no skin. When you call for him, you fail
only in September.
You were mistaken and I smoked by the window
The hole in my chest
It will not heal
I fear 4am, the snow, the white roses
Salt. It tastes clean and I confess
damp, from the sweat of my back
when you reach for air, there is no skin. When you call for him, you fail
only in September.
You were mistaken and I smoked by the window
The hole in my chest
It will not heal
I fear 4am, the snow, the white roses
Salt. It tastes clean and I confess
it's too simple, a wider base, a larger audience.
my lips, my teeth, they are stained...the purple drips onto my chest. i am preparing for the worst, because i like it this way. my fingernails pulling what is left of my back.
why is your back hunched over? i am protecting my heart. i don't want a hangover, i don't want to wake up. the end of summer smells like your skin.
rough, cold, be quiet, stop. stop the bleeding, pull the glass out of your palm.
it must be fate. a harsh lesson in time and space. my hands throb in my sleep, his face in focus.
i fall. i fall the first time and the last. i will not wash, i will not stay clean.
my lips, my teeth, they are stained...the purple drips onto my chest. i am preparing for the worst, because i like it this way. my fingernails pulling what is left of my back.
why is your back hunched over? i am protecting my heart. i don't want a hangover, i don't want to wake up. the end of summer smells like your skin.
rough, cold, be quiet, stop. stop the bleeding, pull the glass out of your palm.
it must be fate. a harsh lesson in time and space. my hands throb in my sleep, his face in focus.
i fall. i fall the first time and the last. i will not wash, i will not stay clean.
i went to see the BodyWorlds 3 exhibit with my mother. if you haven't heard of it, it is the anatomical exhibition of human bodies...real human bodies. it was amazing. bones, muscles, organs....all preserved by plastination. i love my mother, she was so fascinated by it, she stuck her head right in there, inches away from preserved intestines. we both have this thing for anatomy, i am obsessed with the skeletal and muscular systems. if you have the chance to go, it will be here in portland til october. i'll even go with you 
if you pay for my ticket of course. it's so much better than visiting a cadaver....but i will never eat beef jerky again.
if you pay for my ticket of course. it's so much better than visiting a cadaver....but i will never eat beef jerky again. 