I'd been working with a painfully outdated Photoshop version for years (5.5) I think. found Correl Paintshop Pro X4 to be a much more affordable alternative that allows me to do most of the same basic functions and also edit .RAW files. you can find it for less than $50 on ebay or Amazon. actually I got it off Amazon last year during the holiday season for just under $40.

I never knew I wanted a pug tattoo until just now. I'm kinda serious about that. I might have to think about it.

I don't know about the photoshop, but for business cards - keep an eye on Groupon. I see deals pop up all the time for business cards / printing services for ridiculously cheap.

Depending on your machine, see if there is a thread on alternative software in the PC Users or Mac group. There may also be some freeware that will cost you nothing to do just one or two of the things you need. Also, if you are using a PC, giveawayoftheday.com offers full version software each day. Occasionally, there are graphic, photo, and art programs. They have a 24 hour availability limit and must be installed and activated within that time-frame. They don't come with any tech support and cannot be upgraded when a newer version comes out, unless you want to pay for a regular license. Still a great way to get some functional stuff with no obligation.

Maybe try a Kickstarter or Indiegogo page to help get you off the ground?