In reverse order:

You got Cex? *drools a repulsive amount* Whoa mama!

I think I understand what you're saying about what you're projecting. Nobody wants to be an image.

And wild times can be good - if you can survive the comedown.

Realizing that you don't know yourself? That's definitely a hopeful first step. I'm sure you'll figure you out sooner or later. Best of luck.

-The Marquis

Kill Bill - some of the violence is pretty, Tarantino wastes his talent. That's the short version of my opinion.

SF - go you.

The mightiness that is Scylla - fuck girl, I totally get where you're coming from, you big ol' extrovert you I never did the whole excess thing but I know what you mean about the lack of subtle or the alienation by quiet.

And yes, the Coens do verilly rock.

my excesses are probably the only thing that keep me from slipping into mundanity and killing myself. oddly enough, i have actually found that the only way i can function as myself around others, without giving in to the need to kill almost all the living things around, me is to exist as a caricature of all my traits. balance and enlightenment are not found in the calm center of self, but in the balance of taking all actions to their most extreme extent. or so it has worked for me.

madness and enlightenment are only seperated by a thin line, and if you fall into madness how the hell would you know you weren't really enlightened?

madness is good!

anyway, if the people you encounter actually need to define you as a caricature of your actions then they are shallow unthinking assholes and a waste of your time. my extreme and bizarre actions are actually my own personal screening process. i expect people to judge me, and judge me poorly by the actions i take and the lengths i go and the things i say. but if you are observant you will notice that it is all too perfectly balanced, that behind the madness and the excessiveness there is a direction and a plan. and if you are quick enough, insightful enough, or just fucking crazy enough to see that then you have shown me you can think and are worthy of my interest.

just because you're crazy doesn't mean you can't be logical. more people need to learn that lesson.

good luck with your avatar. i find that i already exist as a nearly perfect repreentation of the Tower (yes, i know that isn't a good thing) but am trying to work my way towards at least the Hanged Man (hey, its an improvement over the Tower right?) i try to project myself into the things that inhabit my head, building worlds and existences for the strange faceted parts of my self in the hopes that by giving them their own life they will be exorcised and leave me to find the self that i hid in order to protect it from a world that hadn't evolved enough to understand it and from a youthful body and society that couldn't yet cope with its portents. i know i am here somewhere in side my head if i can just get past all my own defenses to let it out again...

Ummmm Let me think about it,
Ohhh ok...
Ha! Done...

Tarot Card Idea = "No Go"

Wow, I didn't know you were right here in my very own city. We should have had an event to welcome you.

As always, I have very little idea what you just said, but I greatly enjoyed reading it.

what EN album? do you have a favorite?

well hey, i think you rock, and that means something, right?

and, cex rocks. which album is it?

I must say it took me awhile to learn balance to my enthusiasm and my bluntness so as to not push away those I was trying to bring close to me. Sometimes such all out in your face attitude is just a way to keep others at bay and protect yourself from what you percieve to be inevitable rejection. When I let that go I saw that the story was not always the same and each was unique. But you have such fabulous stories... ahh jealous me.

Perhaps I need to find more of my wild side I left behind.

I have a fear of life living in my own blood (I think I live in a world where ppl seem to expect me to be a rice farmer). Kierkagaard calls it the "Sickness unto death", which is the closest relationship I can make to my feeling. It's a trait of creatives essentially and not restricted to one ethnicity in the end. We all define ourselves by our adventures, it's a function of ego, albeit false within esoteric mindsets.

I think excess and overthought go hand in hand but then again I'm drunk right now. I'm a little older than you but I had an acupunturist in the city treat me for overthinking and once I left I couldn't stop thinking about it.

So there is no cure. Like Lucy Lui says in Kill Bill, "If anyone brings up my Chinese-American heritage I will chop off their heads."



[Edited on Oct 23, 2003 12:55AM]

I tell you, those crazy pirate icons. There is something about them.

<- Just look at it.

[Edited on Oct 23, 2003 10:55AM]