I added some pictures. For any of you interested, I photographed the sculpture I was working on and struggling with. Thanks to all of you with the great ideas. While it wasn't quite feasable (sp) to have goldfish swimming in the blocks as Marty kindly suggested, I was able to pour cement, which was quite a feat for me. I hope an element of Tadoa Ando comes through. Unfortunately, a little overzealous with the new "lamp" I'd created, I let the bulbs burn out.

There is also a picture of me reading on my summer vacation.

word.

"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta."

I mean, was there ever a better opening to a book? no. the answer is no, never.

I invite you to challenge this, of course.

Other books I read over break:
Playback (Raymod Chandler)
Play it as it Lays (Joan Didion)
White Album (Joan Didion)

If anyone would like to come together under the umbrella of a bad porn/erotica site profiting from the expoitation of a not so niche market of "alternative" (I scoff), young and probably, niave girls and make some kind of impromptu book club-- bring it on.

I'm feeling a little, what's the word? It starts with an "s." Surly. yes, a little surly. There is no reason to take it out on Suicide Girls. SG is fine. They paid me to get naked, didn't they? But SG book club! Now that's an idea. That is actually a terrible idea.

But, speaking of ideas. Does anyone have an idea for a set that they would like to loan me? I want to do a new one. Silent film? Bored housewife? I am very unoriginal, I know, that is why I need help. What would you like to see?

-scout

I am once again procrastinating on doing school work and looking at naked girls instead. Doesn't everyone just love Evette's new set?

What to do when kcrw is doing a fund drive and kpcc is playing what they consider music? I think I have archieved every episode of this american life but I have a bad memory so I can re-listen to old ones for the first time. I've tried to get into wait wait don't tell me, but it just doesn't fill the same void.

I'm noticing a consitancy in my storytelling as well as "bloggin" (i still cringe at the word) is my complete lack of a narrative arc. Where is the drama? The build up? The point.

i just read the last post that "i" wrote. fucking hillarious! i logged on the computer at my friend chris' house and told him to write in my journal if he wanted. and that's what he decided to write? it's so weird, i'm not quite sure what his angle is at all. that's what makes it especially amazing. "jazz hands?!"

AND i just saw that my profile was changed. it's so funny that i think i just peed my pants a little. "juicy and couture!" i can't take it. one of my favorite bands is the wee wee masters.

up L8 y'all. just thought i'd leave ya with a little poem i've been working on. a midnight snack if you will.

"cerebral parsley"

the sound of fingers typing
seven juicy mangoes riping
my erogenous panpiper piping
jazzhandz!

I am in my last 2 weeks of school term, so anything i could possibly write is going to be school related. this translates into really, really boring. but read on, i dare you. I am struggling to design a sculpture for an assignment. The assignement being to create a 3 dimensional object based on some vague reference to a modernist architect and perhaps using some concept of the elements, i.e. earth, fire, ect. i am at a loss. i think i need to learn how to pour concrete. i'm cutting up books and coffee holders. and watching a documentary on tadao ando, beautiful japanese architect. builds with concrete these kind of still, almost existential spaces. i haven't done my laundry in i can't even remeber how long.

i am new to this whole journaling/blogging thing and i sort of despise it and made a vow (in my head) never to take part in this trend. but here i am, asked to blog, waiting for my nudy pictures to be posted on the internet for all my familly and friends and strangers to see and ruining, once and for all, any political aspirations or hopes of being miss america. as a prolog, or problog (i couldn't resist the pun), i am a terrible speller. really bad. so here it goes:

3 ideas on why sg and/or sex work turns me on:

1.
in a culture that fully legitmizes such behavior, i am on a daily basis unconsentingly object to other's desire. in this forum, in which i have chosen to strip and objectify myself, i am in control of that desire. i consent to being desired, and in fact myself desire it.

2.
the idea of someone, possibly, jerking off to me. don't feel obligated, but i would like it.

3.
vanity. i am vain. seriously. i take far too much stock in my appearance and being deemed hot by just about anyone, let alone a company like sg who's job is finding hot, is validating in a fucked up i need to call my psychologist kind of way. i really need to call my psychologist.

*note to all the children out there: this kind of validation is ultimately unrewarding and a symptom of insecurity. your self-esteem should not be linked to your appearance. read a book!