New pics! My girl Yomi (who is gunna apply to be a SG VERY soon) and I had a rad time last Sunday getting our tatas out and posing on a mate's sweet ass Supra. He's my best friend, and by no means a professional photographer, but he's gettin damn good at it! He takes some sweet pics. Go Ry!

Anywho... these are some of the results. Hopefully we'll be doin some more shoots very soon. Just a bit of fun. Drivin round Brisvegas, finding nice spots, gettin our gear off and posing on sexy cars. I love my weekends!

I got my hair cut off too for Summer. Bit shorter. Actually, almost like Blaze's hair in her newest set. Black though, but basically the same. Picci's (along with my new ink) will be posted soon when our crapass computer starts workin properly again!

Oh - and don't forget sweets... my birthday is on the 4th of Feb. Buy me pretty things I love them. I might even give ya signed pics of me with/in/wearing your gift in return for your kindness


That's it for today

Pretty stuffs. Want want for birthday! love Love.

Much love love,
Scotty

Seriously, wanna see the most kickass rad shoes ever? Check out my wishlist... I found some of THE cutest shoes on Amazon.com! Especially the cuteass flatties. I have a thing with canvas flatties at the moment. They are rad. Check them out. Tell me which ones YOU like! Which ones you wanna see me wearing!

Shoes! Shoes! Shoes! Birthday???

Oh - and I'm workin on gettin pics of my new ink up. I'm expecting the new computer next week (the old one crapped itself, and I'm using the work computer - which is HELLA SLOW) New ink is healing up sweet. Much faster than my others ever did. I told my Mum I had the BlueBird done for her. And then she laughed. And then did the whole "No, no, I'm smiling. That's really sweet". So I think she likes it. It's by far, my fav tattoo. The colours are gorgeous. So bright. So pretty. And I'm glad I didn't wuss out from getting it done on my ribs. Much love love for my BlueBird. Tracey did a sweet job.

Thinkin seriously about getting a labret peircing. I want something else done on my face. But nothing that stands out too much. Maybe septum? I was aiming for something I can pass off as respectable during the day. but something I can dress up for my photoshoots. Suggestions???

Not much happenin this weekend. Tomorrow WAS gunna be a piss weak day. But my Dad called, saying he's gunna fly home and surprise my Mum, and he's takin us out to lunch. Sweet! Then I'm cruisin by Yomi's place and picking her up and spending the night with her, takin crazy pics and what not.

AND on Sunday I might be doin a semi-sort-of-photoshoot. Kinda a lil bit excited bout that. Bit different to the 2 I have done, which is good. Get something else under my belt I suppose. Sweet as. Yomi and i get to roll around together on my best friend's sweet ass Supra. Should be hella fun.

Ok sweets, that's all from me tonight. I'll let ya know how the weekend goes, and hopefully get a huge photodump up for you soon. Sweet.

Much love love

Tattoo time tomorrow! Woot! Can't wait. Be expecting some sexy pics of a blue bird on my ribs and some stars on my hip very soon. Lovin it.

Also, it's my birthday in a month. Give me some love! Yes, I'm whoring my wishlist.



Wishy wishy for birthday!

Wishy wishy for birthday - bme stuffs

P.S - I will post pics of my new ink as soon as our computer is up and running again, as I am using my work computer at the moment and can't upload pics onto it. Next week I hope!

Much love love
xoxo

My attempt at pole dancing. I'm bruised and sore all over. And I look like an idiot.

What a mother fucker of a year. What an odd, strange year. I don't even know where to begin describing what this year has been like for me. It has been the most eye-opening, self defining, self discovering, difficult year of my entire life. So far. I don't even know myself, if I have truely wrapped my head around everything that has happened this year.

Where do I even start??? Well... almost exactly a year ago Ash and I moved into our second house together. Your typical, idealic, out of town husbandy/wifey, house. Full of animals, sunshine, butterflies, warm fuzzies and spousal (if that's even a word) love. Well, that was the idea anyway. For the most part, I love the move that we made. I love being in a quiet, little space of our own. One where we can do what we want, without disturbing the neighbours. One where I can have lots of animals. One where we have room enough to have a pool and a bar and a pool table and lots of green grass. One where I can sit outside and watch the gumtrees blow in the wind. One where I can walk down to the creek to chill when Im angry. One where I can sunbake nude and not have to worry about who can see. I love all of this, I love what we have created. Little did I know, this is what later contributed to my feelings of isolation. Of lonliness.

Earlier this year, I had to put my dog down. She was my best friend. I have not dealt with that very well at all. I have never felt so guilty about anything in my life. I still have nightmares. There is more to this than just putting down a dog, I'm sure. But still, it's so hard. I got Roxy when I lived by myself. Almost 4 years ago. I got her as a companion. To be with me, in my lonely house, in a town where I knew no one else. She was 3 when I got her from the RSPCA. I walked in and was drawn to her straight away. I knew instantly that I would have her. So I did. I took her home. And she was my best friend. But we knew from day dot, that she was crazy. She had so many issues. Just like me She was... just... like... me. Maybe that's why we loved each other so much. For the next 4 years she would go everywhere with me. She would come to Ash's house when I went to stay the night. She would jump in the car with me and drive with me wherever I went. She would sleep in my bed with me. She would sit on my lap whenever I was inside. The only time she wasn't with me, was when I was at work (and even then, towards the end, she came to work with me). She was so important to me. But, like I said, she had issues. She was an extremely anxious dog. A very needy dog. She was constantly escaping when I left the house. Looking for me. We tried everything to keep her in. She was scared of so many noises, which caused so many problems. She did not play well with others at all. In the end, we had tried so many things, spoken to so many professionals. The vet suspects she had a brain tumour. She was running around in circles, barking at the sky. Jumping out and attacking people that would walk by. Attacking children at the park. Batking and howling at nothing. Eventually after months and months of convincing, we put her down. That as one of the worst decisions I believe I have ever made. I really didn't know what I was doing. Everyone just kept saying, put her down, put her down. So I did. And I have regreted that ever since. The guilt stays with me to this day. The nightmares continue. I'm sure there was something else we could have done. Something else we could have tried. We gave up on her. She was crazy like me. What if everyone just gave up on me like that? I let her down. I am not over it. I don't think i will be for a very long time.

I also got married this year. That in itself, can fill up a whole page. So many strange feelings about that. But I won't go deeply into it. There is too much there to even think about documenting. I still, don't even know myself, how I feel about this topic. It's so surreal. I just don't know how to put these feelings into words. For starters, I was one of those people that swore they would never marry. I never had the intention, the desire, to marry. Ever. But when Ash proposed, I said yes. I thought it was the right thing to do. The logical, next thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I love him like I have loved no other. I want to be with him forever. I wouldn't have that any other way. My life would be nothing without him. But the idea of marrige, confused me. It still does. I still feel so uneasy about the whole thing. I am having an extremely hard time adjusting to the whole, being a wife, thing. It doesn't feel right to me. I feel too young for that. I feel too independant fot that. As most of you know, October was the month we were married. And the months leading up to that, I'm sure were the hardest months of my life. I freaked out big time. I still do. I almost called it off, at least 5 times. I thought, once I was a wife, that was it. I would lose myself. I would only be a wife from then on. People would forget me. I woulnd't be... me... anymore. I would be lost in expectations of cooking and sewing and cupcakes and permed hair and aprons and vaccuming and cookies and hairy legs and long skirts. I didn't want that for myself. I still don't. The whole preparation process for me was very unpleasant. Girls are supposed to love planning their wedding. I hated it. It felt like I was being forced to do something I didn't want to do. I just wanted it to be over. I cried for months before the wedding. But, the day came and went. I couldn't have aksed for a more perfect day. It was beautiful. I am grateful for that. But to this day though, I still struggle with the idea of being married. There are still so many issues I have yet to deal with. I guess I'll get there one day. And it'll be a long, hard road, I know. But that was one of the hardesat things I have ever done. And it will take me a long time to deal with that.

A huge factor in my life this year has been discovering BME and Modblog. As insignificant as it sounds, it has been so important to me. It has changed me so much. Before this, I believe I was hiding in a shell. I was holding back. I was dreaming of all these things I wanted to be. Never expecting them to happen. I was this long haired, blonde, polite, typical, un-tattooed girl with only 3 piercings. This website has really helped me discover who I am. It has opened my eyes to who I can be. It has taught me that I can be all of those things I have dreamt of. And not have to hide it. I was amazed when I found Modblog. All these beautiful people. Celebrating their uniquness. Their individuality. Not hiding it. I was sheltered, and amazed. So I started doing the things I wanted to do for years. I went out and got piercings, tattoos, cut my hair, coloured it black. It not only has made a physical change in me, it has opened up my world. I have met so many people through BME. Seen so many things. Learnt so many things. I have never felt so confident. I have never loved my body so much. I have never felt so worthy. I have never been so proud of who I am. I can write down my feelings in my blogs, and have people comment on them. I can post pictures of myself on here that I would post no where else. I can be this person I love being on here. It has given me this out. This release. BME has changed my life.

SuicideGirls has had a similar effect on me. Never, did I ever think I would be modelling nude on the internet. But like BME, it has made me such a confident person. I love myself a whole lot more since becoming a SG. Again, this has given me an out. A place to be this person I want to be. It has helped me release so many feelings. I can't tell you how good SG has been for me. I believe it is one of the things that has kept me sane this year. I am so grateful. I love it.

It was exacly this time last year, to the day, that my heart, and head, started playing games with me. They are still playing games with me actually. Not that I want to go into it that much, but it has been so stressful. So weird. So strange. And if the person involved is reading this, he knows very well what went on last year at this time. And much of the beginning of this year. And I think I may have nearly lost him as a friend because of it. I was stupid. And confused. And having all of these crazy feelings and urges I shouldn't have been. And probably should have kept them to myself. But they were so intense. He was the only person I trusted to tell. So I did. I shouldn't have, but I did. And it screwed up my head for a very, very long time. I'm so glad, for the most part, that it's over. Those feelings are gone. Thank god.

I was diagnosed with depression a month ago as well. That really didn't come as a huge sueprise. I think I wasn't dealing with alot of issues. Pushing them deeper and deeper into the back of my mind. And they just all kind of like, exploded at once. I was having nightmares. Many, many nightmares. They were waking me up every hour or so, I was hardly getting any sleep. I was starting to see things as well. Things moving. ormanents moving around. Things that werent really there. It was freaking me out. I was crying all the time. So I went to the Dr. i am on antidepresents and sleeping pills. I'm doing better. i havent cried since then. Nor had any nightmares. Nor seem things that arent really there. I guess I'm a work in progress though. Long, hard road. But I'm ok.

So that's where I am now I guess. If you would have told me last year, where I am and what I'm doing right now, I wouldn't have believed you. I still don't know if I believe all that has happened. It's still all sinking in. It's been crazy. I'm still confused. I'm still unsure. But I'm ok. And that's where I'll leave it right now.

Ok... I'm the first one to admit, I eat meat. I eat dairy. I probably have leather shoes somewhere and have definately sat on real leather couches. I have probably sometime in my life, have worn fur. I have done, and still do these things.

But after watching the videos on the PETA website, my view has changed. The things I saw on the site, honestly, made me fucking sick to my stomoch. I was mortified.

You think in this modern world, things like this don't happen. You think, surely, there are laws to prevent this kind of thing. But, there really aren't. And brutal things like that, still, really happen.

I can watch autopsy videos, look at car crash victims, all sorts of bodily infections, and all that gross stuff, and I don't flinch. But those videos, of things people do to those poor animals, made me sick. Literally. I wanted to cry.

I'm sure alot of you are thinking, who cares? Chickens are going to lay eggs regardless. Why not eat the eggs? They are going to keep killing cows regardless of whether I eat it or not, so I may as well just eat beef. Cows are always going to produce milk, so why not drink it? And so on. But when you see the brutality and appauling conditions all of these animals go through in their lifetimes, it's absolutely disgusting. I can't believe it still goes on in this modern world.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some vegan preaching my ways to you. I'm just someone who's eyes have been opened to the 'common' horrible ways these animals are being treated. For food, for products, for fur, for medical research, for entertainment! It's horrifying.

Especially when there are other alternatives out there. These things don't need to be happening. You can still eat your eggs, drink your milk and so on, without having to put these animals through hell. There are other ways.

If you can honestly watch those videos, and say it doesn't effect you, then there is seriously something wrong with you. You can't tell me skinning racoons and other creatures alive, for their fur, is ok. They literally have the fur ripped from their bodies while they are alive, and are left to die a slow and painful death in their naked, skinless bodies. You can't tell me boiling cats and dogs alive, to remove their hair, so they can later be made into food, is ok. You can't tell me throwing turkeys and chickens up against a wall until they die, is ok. It's not ok.

Do something worthwhile today...

Watch those videos... http://www.peta.org/

Please.

So... I have already spent most of my first SG cheque (yeah - I suck at saving).

I ordered a pole dancing pole! I have wanted one for like, 2 years, but never had that much spare money just lying around.

So here's to new hobbies! New outlook on fittness! New funsies!

Woot!

I had a cruisy day today

Woke up, went for a stroll through the markets, which was nice. They didn't have any puppies for sale though. So I guess I'll be doin some serious browsing in the papers for one.

Then went to buy a couple of chickens for my horny ass rooster so he stops molesting the one poor little chicken that we do have. She's about a third of his size. poor chooky. Turns out, even with 3 chickens, he's still in the mood for molesting each and every one. Every, like, i dunno, 5 minutes! This is why our chickens are now hiding up a tree
Stupid rooster.

Then this afternoon I lay by the pool and sunbaked for a good while. Which was also nice

Cruisy day. Love it.

Quess what... new pics for SimplyXbeautiful (Mallary) It'll happen often, get used to it

Random crap. For my girl. Feelin flirty.