Another blog so soon, simply because I'm feeling so amazing.

I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A new start, a new beginning, a new chapter.

The sadness has gone, the anger has gone, all of those negative feelings have gone. I just feel ok with everything now. I feel as though I've accepted it. When I think about our lost baby now, I smile.... instead of cry.

I just woke up a couple of days ago, and felt ok with everything. All of a sudden, such a feeling of clarification and calm. And so thankful for the experience, as silly as that may sound. it's just like my brain decided to wake up, shake it off, see the positive side of it, and move on with life.

I had such an amazing day yesterday as well, that helped. It was just a really beautiful day, spent with really amazing people. Magical. I think it really marked the start of a new beginning.

And today, we had our post-op check up with our obstetrician. She was really pleased with how I'm healing and recovering, and gave us the go ahead to start trying again for another baby. Which was exactly what we wanted to hear.

And finally this afternoon, I put all of little Peanut's stuff into a box. Her ultrasound images, the images of her from surgery, the pregnancy test that originally confirmed her, my wrist band from hospital, the 'get well' cards and balloons, the dried flowers from the arrangements friends and family gave me, and some pictures of my husband and I from hospital. And doing that, finishing that and putting the lid on that box, was the best thing I could have done. As soon as I did that, I felt a million times better. I feel so at ease now.

Things are looking up again. Things are starting to feel amazing again. And as hard as the experience was, I'm so grateful, and so thankful for everything.

This photo was taken yesterday. And it really does show how I'm feeling right now. That weight lifted off my shoulders, and I smiled. And haven't stopped.

Alrighty, it's about time I update you guys on this last week.

Those on Facebook, and in some of the private SG groups here know what's going on, but I'll let you all in...

Long story short, I had an ectopic pregnancy, and went into surgery on Wednesday to have our baby and my fallopian tube removed.

It all started on Monday. Monday was our first scheduled ultrasound, and we were very excited as we were going to find out a proper due date, exactly how far along we were, and hear the heartbeat. At our first obstetrician visit, she was unable to give us an exact due date because of my irregular periods, which is why we were sent for the early ultrasound. We'd been trying for a baby, and had already known a few weeks before that, that we were already pregnant, but a proper due date, was just another giant exciting step forward for us.

According to blood tests, I was about 7 weeks along, which would have shown us a sac, the baby and the heartbeat during the ultrasound. Our excitement soon turned to worry as we saw nothing. Absolutely nothing. Even with a transvaginal ultrasound, we saw nothing. I knew something was wrong.

The results were sent straight on to our obstetrician and she sent me for emergency blood tests that afternoon, explaining that I had either had a miscarriage, or was having an ectopic pregnancy. The blood tests came back the next day, and my pregnancy levels were still very high, suggesting it wasn't a miscarriage. I was admitted to hospital straight away for observation until the next morning, incase my fallopian tube burst overnight. It was definitely ectopic.

The next morning, I was sent straight into surgery. She had to remove our bubba and my whole right fallopian tube. Bubba was about 2cms big and was already started to cause internal bleeding and rupturing, so we are very lucky we didn't wait a few more days.

It's been very rough, obviously. Coming out of surgery means I'm out of action for a while and I can't do very much other than lay here. it's hard to move. hard to do anything.I need help with everything.

And of course, losing our baby has been the hardest. it all happened so quick. On Monday we were expecting a nice ultrasound, and by Wednesday afternoon I was waking up from surgery, minus a fallopian tube and a baby.

The whole time in hospital, i was in the maternity ward, which made it even harder. There were baby things in the room everywhere, newborns crying everywhere and families and friends welcoming new babies everywhere.

Luckily, I'm home now. I was allowed out of hospital on Thursday afternoon.

Through it all though, my husband and family and friends have been amazing. I cannot believe how much support we have. And i have read every single message in my inbox, believe me.

I don't have that much strength to write back at the moment (it's even taken me days to try and write this) but i can assure you, I'm here and I'm listening and see every bit of support that's coming my way, and i truely apprecaite it. You have no idea.

Naturally, it's still very hard, and we're still grieving, but it's not stopping us from trying again, Being pregnant was the most amazing, meaningful thing to ever happen to me, and I loved every second of it. I can't wait to feel that again.

I have a thousand more things to say, and i'm sure i didn't even explain everything i wanted to, or in as much detail as i wanted to, but that's all i have for now.

My lovely friend came all the way out to see us last weekend, to take some new images of hubby, myself and our pets. These were shot in our backyard on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

It's been a good 3 or 4 years since hubby and I did our first photoshoot together, and I thought it was about time for another.

Truth be told, he's really not all that into have his picture taken, and it's quite rare for us to have photos together, so I really cherish these and am super grateful that we got them

What an absolutely amazing year.

And it keeps getting better. This year started off atrociously, but it just keep getting better, and better, and now... even better

I'm one very lucky, very blessed lady.

I'm been super slack with updating lately. This time of year is pretty full on. I've been sharing my time between clients in my salon, appointments in the city, conferences, dinners, weddings, seminars, farm work. And on the weekends hubby and I are doing alot of swimming, yard work, renovating and spending time together with the animals as well ect.

So, here are some images of me over the last few weeks, to keep you goin'

So this happened a couple of weeks ago...




I had my forth tattoo done on my left arm. What started out as one (the green bird on my upper arm) has now ended up being four, and has started to resemble some kind of half sleeve (even though I know alot of people out there hate the term 'half sleeve') I'm going back for some shading in between the individual tattooes shortly, then after that is done, hopefully, I should have from my elbow up, completely done, and solid in colour.




I don't have that many pictures of the newest one yet, but I do have some unrelated pictures that kind of show everything...





And for those wondering, the new tattoo is a combination of my mother's old nursing watch and brooches, and her favourite flower. Obviously, it's for her

And lastly, self shot image, taken last week...

Sorry I haven't been updating as much as uaual. I'll have a big blog for you soon, promise.

Things are changing. Stuff is happening. Life is amazing.

Life is throwing some damn hard punches, but gee whiz, I'm fighting back just as hard, biting it in the keister, and coming out on top. What doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger... and a crapload happier.

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I made a video...

“First, excuse the daggy work clothes, I made this as I was eating breaky.

Secondly, eating Vegemite - you're doin' it wrong! Drown that shit in butter people. I'm not even kidding. Drown it.”