i think i have an ear infection.



-sassie!

is this what you wanted?
is this what you needed?
give it some more time...

one year ago today was the happiest day of my life.

happy one year wedding anniversary to me...



i worked open to close.
croft spent today with another girl.

i had taco bell and now im drinking. go figure. back to my old ways already. we didn't learn anything from this.

time apart was all we needed. that was all. actions can't be taken back now. by the both of us...

i am done with this!
i want to taste the breeze of every great city
so you've come to be made of these urges unfulfilled
when im dead i'll rest
i'll lay still

shooting tomorrow with candycrimson in philly.

-sassie!

what a long fucking week.



everything is just a distraction.

boom.


this is television
late night television scripted with precision
a corner store pulp fiction sits where your heart isn't
and with your eyes so green and your pinkish theme
you made an old friend seem rather dead to me
alas the weapon sex can be
your body's a weapon and you're afraid it could get out
a friend of the devil and you're afraid it could get out
but still you're ok
a blade for a bleeder and you're afraid it could get out
don't say i don't cut when i do
don't say im lying when im true
the razor...
don't say we're healing when its just not what we do
you rub off supicious
so vile and aniscious
with a heart so vicious
you dare to ask what this is
this is so delicious
to eat the best of you
like the others do, we take your pride from you
the drive-in, the embassy, the jets, its all the same to me
so many suitors, i don't even have a suit to wear
so many influential fingers running through your hair
i am the razor in the hand of your heart
i am the razor in the hands of god

-sassie!

hi.

-sassie!

you've got nowhere to go but up.

first things first. they still haven't announced the winners of the august self-shot contest (although i think i know who won!), so if we could get my boom set to 300 comments that would make me a hppy girl. i want new people to comment!

ok. so guess where i was last night?



if i look happy, its only because im crazy.

i spent the night in the er. the room was just like in the movies...all white with nothing in it except the bed, with no covers, that was attached to the floor. the door had no handle on the inside. they took my blood and urine. i waited five hours in that room before the crisis intervention people showed up.

why was i there? like i said before, i tried to drown myself...

o, and croft fucked his ex three times, and made her cum four. i hope it makes you feel like more of a man. and i do hope that she gives better blow jobs than me. because you'll never have this again.

i really wanted to hurt him. physically. i hit him. stupid ex bitch threatened to call the cops on me. a friend came and took me to the hospital because i knew i was going to hurt someone.

and well, thats about it. they tried to keep me at the hospital, but i said no. im home now. missed two days of work. and im pretty fucked. went to therapy today. they want me to go into a partial outpatient program, but i just don't see that happening.

tonight, i am alone. i made burritos and im watching ghost hunters. and not drinking. i need to get my shit together. i need to move the fuck out as soon as possible. this was a wake up call. and im really ready to go.

and oh say you'll miss me
one last time
and i'll be strong
whatever you do
please don't get me rescued

-sassie!

theres nothing like the feeling of your own bathroom floor.

sassie= made a drunken fool of herself last night.

what else is new?

the most fun was waking up in a bathtub in my undies and tank top, soaking wet. o, and trying to drown myself. thanks for not letting me.



-sassie!

im not in love. i just want to be touched.

-sassie!

you are fucking assholes.

i hope you have fun banging that stupid whore tonight. and i half wish you wouldn't come home.

everyone says they'll be there for me...where are you now?

now comment on my set or i'll stab you.

-sassie!

fucking poo poo. i got a new cell phone today. i only did this because my other one was literally falling apart. i've had it for at least five years...first the woman puts my new phone under my sisters number, so i was still receiving calls on my old phone. im glad we checked before we left. now my texting isn't working! it says service is unavaliable. bullshit. i have unlimited texts! anyways, this is freaking me out because thats my main form of communication. i know...maybe this will help break my texting obsession. if anyone needs to get a hold of me just call, or leave a message on here, cuz im not sure if i can even receive texts right now...bah! this is why i hate technology! now i have to go back there after work tomorrow, probably wait another hour for someone to help me, and they better fucking hope they get this shit sorted out!

i had a therapy appointment today. it didn't make me feel better. it just verified my fears that i am going crazy. and that most of whats happened is because im in a hypomanic, bridging on manic state right now. she wants me to go back on mood stabilizers before it starts to become destructive. destructive? because i didn't already ruin my marriage...geez.

i finally have all of my outfits for upcoming shoots (the pants are still a little big, damn!), and i will be shooting a new set with candycrimson on tuesday in philly! woo!

i feel so cut off from the world without my texting ability...yes, im still worrying about it!

ok. how bout you go leave me some more love on my new set?



someone should try to text me and let me know...k bye!

-sassie!

her middle name was boom! please comment! the august self-shot contest is almost over!



you've been know to obsess over the future
do you think you'll get away from the past?
as you stone yourself just to make it through till midnight
consider what you might have found
you think you've got a good thing now...

-sassie!