so you want the whole story? here it is.

this is how it went down. this blog is not to get back at anyone. im just tired of keeping it all inside.

croft wanted a seperation. time apart. he said he couldn't deal with my bipolar disorder anymore. he was sick of me not doing things around the house. and he couldn't trust me. things were just different. this was not how i felt. i was asked to leave so we could spend some time away from each other. i spent the next few days staying in different places, and just avoiding "home".

i went to maryland. i had sex with captainbackfire. im not sure if im supposed to share this fact or not. someone tell me otherwise...i do not regret this. its something i had to do for myself. i had to find out for myself. i don't really feel like explaining my full intentions, i feel as if most of it is bipolar reasoning. but i will not apologize for it. isn't this what a seperation is for? to figure things out on your own? apparently not.

when i got home croft asked so i told him. i would never lie to him. he barely reacted. i thought we were still "working things out". i go to stay at my parents house that night. i had been getting increasingly more homesick everyday. especially going through such a hard time, i just needed the comfort of my own bed. i told him i wanted to come home. he explained that after what "i did" he couldn't look at me the same way and wanted a divorce. fine.

i have been staying in the apartment with him until i find my own place. there are no hard feelings, and were still best friends. i hope things can stay this way, but the realist in me says otherwise.

he's been hanging out with his ex. as if this didn't hurt enough already.

my heart tells me that i need someone. that i need to fill this hole. that i need to grab on to whatever i can. my mind tells me that it would never work. that i need time alone. that i need to be selfish and take care of only me. i still don't know which one to believe.

you tell me.

-sassie!