PICS
How to stop thinking:
I will let you know as soon as I figure it out myself.
Since I was sixteen there have been people I think about daily. It royally pisses me off because they are not people I enjoy thinking about, but they have taken up residence in my head and now, nearly ten years later, they're still there, gnawing on my thoughts. What could I have done differently? I was a girl, naive, young, inexperienced in much except not giving a fuck. I never really did anything to hurt anyone if I could help it, but the world decided to turn around and bite me in the ass.
Since that day there have been more and more assholes taking up residence in my head. I've done the therapy, I've had the "get out of that way of thinking" training, but they never truly go away. So it has come to be that I am done. If you're an asshole, stay the fuck away from my head. There's no room in there for any more, and more assholes would push out vital song lyrics. I don't need your memories or repetitions of events that happened with you haunting my dreams and causing me pain. I want to evict the twats that have taken up residence in my brain.
I am amazing. Embittered cunts pretending it isn't so are just that. There's too much awesome here for some people to handle, I guess.
I will let you know as soon as I figure it out myself.
Since I was sixteen there have been people I think about daily. It royally pisses me off because they are not people I enjoy thinking about, but they have taken up residence in my head and now, nearly ten years later, they're still there, gnawing on my thoughts. What could I have done differently? I was a girl, naive, young, inexperienced in much except not giving a fuck. I never really did anything to hurt anyone if I could help it, but the world decided to turn around and bite me in the ass.
Since that day there have been more and more assholes taking up residence in my head. I've done the therapy, I've had the "get out of that way of thinking" training, but they never truly go away. So it has come to be that I am done. If you're an asshole, stay the fuck away from my head. There's no room in there for any more, and more assholes would push out vital song lyrics. I don't need your memories or repetitions of events that happened with you haunting my dreams and causing me pain. I want to evict the twats that have taken up residence in my brain.
I am amazing. Embittered cunts pretending it isn't so are just that. There's too much awesome here for some people to handle, I guess.
Yawn. That's about all I have to say today. We out.
Become a fan on facebook
Instagram
My Tumblr
My Twitter
First off, happy new year to everyone reading this.
If I am to remain here, it is time to move past certain childish aspects of this website. I'm not sure what it is that makes people think that it is okay to fuck with the lives of other people, repeatedly. Apparently some people's lives are more pathetic than I realised if this is the way in which they have to create their own fun.
This is gonna seem really sad, but I'm a person, and sometimes people like things that other people don't. As it happens I like musicals. I don't like your happy clappy bring the chorus in for no damn good reason musicals, but I like musicals that really use song to show pain. There's a song in the musical "Wicked" that really describes what I feel at this point in time. I'll spare you actually posting the song, but I'll quote a few of the lyrics.
"One more disaster I can add to my generous supply.
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead
No good deed goes unpunished
One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are maybe that's the reason why
No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well, well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it, so be it, then:
I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed will I do again!"
Let that be my new years resolution. I'm done helping and feeling for people who do what people have done.
If I am to remain here, it is time to move past certain childish aspects of this website. I'm not sure what it is that makes people think that it is okay to fuck with the lives of other people, repeatedly. Apparently some people's lives are more pathetic than I realised if this is the way in which they have to create their own fun.
This is gonna seem really sad, but I'm a person, and sometimes people like things that other people don't. As it happens I like musicals. I don't like your happy clappy bring the chorus in for no damn good reason musicals, but I like musicals that really use song to show pain. There's a song in the musical "Wicked" that really describes what I feel at this point in time. I'll spare you actually posting the song, but I'll quote a few of the lyrics.
"One more disaster I can add to my generous supply.
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead
No good deed goes unpunished
One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are maybe that's the reason why
No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well, well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it, so be it, then:
I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed will I do again!"
Let that be my new years resolution. I'm done helping and feeling for people who do what people have done.
And so December 21st rolls around once again.
This is a very big date for me. Not because of the so called oncoming "apocalypse" either. Oh, quietest apocalypse I've ever heard of by the way... perhaps I ought to dress up as one of the horsemen and have myself some fun!
It's been four years since I totally lost my shit, four years in which more has happened to me than I can count, and in some cases, more than I'd have liked. I've travelled a lot, and met hundreds of people, a few of whom have stuck with me, or to me. The East coast of Australia, the West coast of the USA. Nearly two years on the West Coast... It hasn't treated me terribly nicely of late.
Four years ago I was in Stamford seeing my Great Aunt and Uncle with my immediate family. I was having some kind of family dinner, or brunch, or something... that day is not very easy to recall. It was my Dad's birthday; he was fifty-eight that day, and I believe it was a Sunday. I really wasn't there the whole day, stuck in my own head, my own thoughts, my own past. It is impossible to go into what I had been through for the five years prior to that without sparking some kind of a backlash, so I shan't. However, I shall say that it was bad, bad enough that I inflicted pain on those around me, out of fear and not knowing what to do with the pain I was handling. And that pain, which I inflicted, was enough to make me do what I did on that day, four years ago.
And what I did on that day, four years ago, is something that people actually know about. And if it weren't for Suicide Girls, and a few of its most kind-hearted members (and ex members), I wouldn't be here typing now. Turns out that sixty-four paracetamol (that's Tylenol to you in the US) and a bottle of vodka will put you down like a dog in a matter of hours. My own short sightedness: I posted my note on here, way before I was done "self medicating". This sparked some... interest, shall we say, in the SG community, and though I was long collapsed on my bed, a police officer showed up at my parents' house, followed by an ambulance.
It seems surreal, looking back on it now. I was so young. I'm still young, but despite knowing a lot about the world then, I know a lot more now. I have learned, painfully, who I am. I have burnt and built bridges, I have put blame where it belongs and I have screamed and cried and kicked. My past hasn't changed, but my future has.
I've learned the sort of people who truly make me feel content, I've learned the sort of people who I can never trust, and I've learned, over seven years, that my best friend is truly the best friend I could ever ask for. Someone who has been there through thick and thin, through my suicide, through my happy times, through the times when I thought I wouldn't make it, through therapy, through love, through loss. And I thank her for it. I've learned more about my family, about what makes them the way that they are, about what caused the rift between my parents to begin with, and I've learned that my Dad is lonely, so lonely he went to stupid lengths and took silly risks to stop being so; which made me realize where I get it from.
I have, over time, become the most emotionally strong person I know. One person can only deal with so much loss before they harden, and hardened I have. I've come to many conclusions about myself, and about others, and I've laughed as I recognize insecurities in them that I used to see in myself. I've made decisions about my life, about my future, and I've found the best therapy in the world in the form of a two-year-old puppy.
I have broken laws, and sucked up to the right people, in order that I am still alive... but I am not healthy any more.
It seems my suicide brought about a lot of health issues. I can't drink very much any more, though sometimes that's a good thing, but my asthma, allergies, mental health issues, and now hypotension, arrhythmia, and vasovagal syncope, have landed me in a big mess. I never had any of these issues before December 21st, 2008. Asthma, allergies, and mental health issues are easy to understand, but for those of you who don't speak doctor, I shall explain the other three.
Hypotension is basically low blood pressure, and occurs when blood pressure during and after each heartbeat is much lower than usual. This means the heart, brain, and other parts of the body do not get enough blood. This can incur blurry vision, confusion, dizziness, fainting, light-headedness, sleepiness, and weakness.
Arrhythmia is a problem with the rate or rhythm of the heartbeat. During an arrhythmia, the heart can beat too fast, too slow, or with an irregular rhythm. This can incur palpitations, pounding in your chest, dizziness, light-headedness, fainting, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, sleepiness, and weakness.
Vasovagal syncope occurs when your body overreacts to triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress. (With me it is always emotional distress, and it doesn't have to be that extreme, either.) The trigger results in vasovagal syncope - a brief loss of consciousness caused by a sudden drop in your heart rate and blood pressure, which reduces blood flow to your brain. Before a faint due to vasovagal syncope, you may experience some of the following: Skin paleness, light-headedness, tunnel vision, nausea, feeling of warmth, and a cold, clammy sweat.
All in all I'm pretty light-headed and weak, as a rule, and although my brain is strong with handling emotional stress, my heart doesn't want to hear the things it sometimes hears, so that's me on the floor.
So, as is, the year ahead of me looks to be a year of change, because if my health is going to change then something else has to, too.
My sympathy levels shot up last week due to the shooting at Sandy Hook. Although a lot of shootings, and murders, occurr all over the globe every day, the desires of the Westboro Baptist Church had me seething and seeing red. As such, I was shown a website where US Citizens can petition to have the WBC turned into a hate group, which seems entirely agreeable, considering their actions, which were heinous even before the Sandy Hook incident. So I would beg anyone in the US reading this to please head over here and sign it. It's already got the petitions it needs, but it never hurts to overkill with these types of things.
I also have a friend in need, ollyp wrote a series of short stories, that I have read, which is for sale here. It is definitely worth reading, his writing is easy to read, intelligent, and captivating, and it's 99c. NINETY-NINE CENTS. I'm fairly certain no one is going to break the bank on that one. Not enough people are reading nowadays anyway.
So, in conclusion, I have changed. Four years will do that to a person, hell, five minutes will if the situation is intense enough. Let's take a look back at the last four years, shall we?
This is a very big date for me. Not because of the so called oncoming "apocalypse" either. Oh, quietest apocalypse I've ever heard of by the way... perhaps I ought to dress up as one of the horsemen and have myself some fun!
It's been four years since I totally lost my shit, four years in which more has happened to me than I can count, and in some cases, more than I'd have liked. I've travelled a lot, and met hundreds of people, a few of whom have stuck with me, or to me. The East coast of Australia, the West coast of the USA. Nearly two years on the West Coast... It hasn't treated me terribly nicely of late.
Four years ago I was in Stamford seeing my Great Aunt and Uncle with my immediate family. I was having some kind of family dinner, or brunch, or something... that day is not very easy to recall. It was my Dad's birthday; he was fifty-eight that day, and I believe it was a Sunday. I really wasn't there the whole day, stuck in my own head, my own thoughts, my own past. It is impossible to go into what I had been through for the five years prior to that without sparking some kind of a backlash, so I shan't. However, I shall say that it was bad, bad enough that I inflicted pain on those around me, out of fear and not knowing what to do with the pain I was handling. And that pain, which I inflicted, was enough to make me do what I did on that day, four years ago.
And what I did on that day, four years ago, is something that people actually know about. And if it weren't for Suicide Girls, and a few of its most kind-hearted members (and ex members), I wouldn't be here typing now. Turns out that sixty-four paracetamol (that's Tylenol to you in the US) and a bottle of vodka will put you down like a dog in a matter of hours. My own short sightedness: I posted my note on here, way before I was done "self medicating". This sparked some... interest, shall we say, in the SG community, and though I was long collapsed on my bed, a police officer showed up at my parents' house, followed by an ambulance.
It seems surreal, looking back on it now. I was so young. I'm still young, but despite knowing a lot about the world then, I know a lot more now. I have learned, painfully, who I am. I have burnt and built bridges, I have put blame where it belongs and I have screamed and cried and kicked. My past hasn't changed, but my future has.
I've learned the sort of people who truly make me feel content, I've learned the sort of people who I can never trust, and I've learned, over seven years, that my best friend is truly the best friend I could ever ask for. Someone who has been there through thick and thin, through my suicide, through my happy times, through the times when I thought I wouldn't make it, through therapy, through love, through loss. And I thank her for it. I've learned more about my family, about what makes them the way that they are, about what caused the rift between my parents to begin with, and I've learned that my Dad is lonely, so lonely he went to stupid lengths and took silly risks to stop being so; which made me realize where I get it from.
I have, over time, become the most emotionally strong person I know. One person can only deal with so much loss before they harden, and hardened I have. I've come to many conclusions about myself, and about others, and I've laughed as I recognize insecurities in them that I used to see in myself. I've made decisions about my life, about my future, and I've found the best therapy in the world in the form of a two-year-old puppy.
I have broken laws, and sucked up to the right people, in order that I am still alive... but I am not healthy any more.
It seems my suicide brought about a lot of health issues. I can't drink very much any more, though sometimes that's a good thing, but my asthma, allergies, mental health issues, and now hypotension, arrhythmia, and vasovagal syncope, have landed me in a big mess. I never had any of these issues before December 21st, 2008. Asthma, allergies, and mental health issues are easy to understand, but for those of you who don't speak doctor, I shall explain the other three.
Hypotension is basically low blood pressure, and occurs when blood pressure during and after each heartbeat is much lower than usual. This means the heart, brain, and other parts of the body do not get enough blood. This can incur blurry vision, confusion, dizziness, fainting, light-headedness, sleepiness, and weakness.
Arrhythmia is a problem with the rate or rhythm of the heartbeat. During an arrhythmia, the heart can beat too fast, too slow, or with an irregular rhythm. This can incur palpitations, pounding in your chest, dizziness, light-headedness, fainting, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, sleepiness, and weakness.
Vasovagal syncope occurs when your body overreacts to triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress. (With me it is always emotional distress, and it doesn't have to be that extreme, either.) The trigger results in vasovagal syncope - a brief loss of consciousness caused by a sudden drop in your heart rate and blood pressure, which reduces blood flow to your brain. Before a faint due to vasovagal syncope, you may experience some of the following: Skin paleness, light-headedness, tunnel vision, nausea, feeling of warmth, and a cold, clammy sweat.
All in all I'm pretty light-headed and weak, as a rule, and although my brain is strong with handling emotional stress, my heart doesn't want to hear the things it sometimes hears, so that's me on the floor.
So, as is, the year ahead of me looks to be a year of change, because if my health is going to change then something else has to, too.
My sympathy levels shot up last week due to the shooting at Sandy Hook. Although a lot of shootings, and murders, occurr all over the globe every day, the desires of the Westboro Baptist Church had me seething and seeing red. As such, I was shown a website where US Citizens can petition to have the WBC turned into a hate group, which seems entirely agreeable, considering their actions, which were heinous even before the Sandy Hook incident. So I would beg anyone in the US reading this to please head over here and sign it. It's already got the petitions it needs, but it never hurts to overkill with these types of things.
I also have a friend in need, ollyp wrote a series of short stories, that I have read, which is for sale here. It is definitely worth reading, his writing is easy to read, intelligent, and captivating, and it's 99c. NINETY-NINE CENTS. I'm fairly certain no one is going to break the bank on that one. Not enough people are reading nowadays anyway.
So, in conclusion, I have changed. Four years will do that to a person, hell, five minutes will if the situation is intense enough. Let's take a look back at the last four years, shall we?
If you've got questions, that's okay, I'm good for answers. Ask away.
Facebook friend requests go here.
My tumblr.
Instagram
Twitter.
Facebook fanpage
Now, all of you have a good Christmas, "apocalypse" permitting of course. 
It's very hard to know what to write or where to begin, to be honest. I don't even know how much of this post I want anyone to read so I'm just gonna try to make it really convoluted and confusing so that no one will actually make it past the first few sentences.
I keep seeing my own name everywhere. I don't know why but it seems every corner I turn I'm confronted with the C word. Not cunt. My last name. Although sometimes I think my last name might as well be cunt. I'm trying not to think of this in a weird superstitious way, as I would have done previously, I'm trying not to see it as a sign, but the more I try not to, the more it appears. I don't even know what it would be a sign of! Perhaps the universe is, indeed, trying to tell me something that I am entirely missing.
Started talking to a member of my family again. Feels a little awkward. Not surprising really since she finally knows everything about me, secrets in and out. She finally knows how I feel about how her and my family treated me. But things changed a little there, she did not try to force unsolicited advice on me, which was kind of new and I'm trying to view that as a good sign. Perhaps it is possible to have a sister who is supportive, and kind, and what sisters are supposed to be. I don't even really know what that is; I'm no angel. I've been just as bad in the past. I just hope I'd never be like that with my own family.
Speaking of which, I won't be posting anything deeply personal or detailed any more, since it has been used against me. I shan't mention names because I'm above that, but it wasn't terribly pleasant, and since I've been trying to keep my drama away from this whole scene, I think it would be better for everyone if I just kept things to myself.
I recently got my HDD back, that was really nice to go through again after a few months. I don't have much of a memory, so my photographs are intensely important to me. I went through them all and memories washed over me like a warm bath. It was excellent. Seeing my friends and I so happy, drunk, silly, drunk, bored, drunk, and of course, drunk. I miss them a lot, a lot of the time. Especially my best friend. It's nice to see one of them on here, though, he's a great guy; loyal and funny.
Every day here it gets colder, every day I fall a little further, and I'm okay to let myself fall. It feels almost blissful allowing fate to take it's turn. I can't still be the same person I was a year ago, not after all this. I know I'm an entirely different person to the person I was the year before that, and the year before, etc. And here I am, this is me. I endeavour to always be smiling inside, to always try to look at things in a positive way. I say endeavour, I know I won't always succeed, but right now, when things look so terribly bleak, I'm still here, I'm still fighting, I'm still staring the world down, because I am stronger than any other person that I have ever met.
Giving up is not for me, so trying to ask me, trying to force me, to do that, is not something that you will succeed in doing.
Team NoBlocks is gone, by the way. I block, and will no longer be dealing with any of the shit thrown my way. If your opinion on me is so important, try to find someone who cares. Your rumors and lies are toxic, and make you look like a sad sack of shit with nothing better to do than try to create misery in others' lives, just to make your own look that much better. Pathetic.
Yuletide is fast approaching, and I am attempting to ignore it. As some of you who have known me a long time know, this time of year is not the nicest time for me. My memory is terrible, but some things never fade, and aged eighteen, nineteen and twenty-one, this time of year held a massive amount of horror for me. It is going to take me a very long time to get past that. What sickens me a lot is that some people know about what I've been through, and yet they use that against me. That's pretty sickening.
As is, I'm currently sitting in Starbucks. There's a guy to my right who won't stop bobbing his head to the god-awful Christmas music that is playing. I'd love to know how it's "lovely weather for a sleigh ride together" with anyone in San Diego. It's not exactly Antarctica here. Makes me glad, though, that I'm not in England, with it's actual snow, and freezing cold temperatures, forcing my hands into gloves and my feet into thick boots every day to trudge through rain, snow, mud, or whatever crap the country throws at me that day in terms of weather. Here, my hands have been getting colder, but not to the point that I have to wear gloves... yet...
Thinking about it, I don't actually own a jacket. My ex roomie decided that it would be a lovely idea to run off with the majority of my belongings. That's around $2500 worth of my clothing, books, computer components, jewellery, all of my make-up (that's exceedingly upsetting for a girl) and family heirlooms, things I couldn't afford to lose. It really sucks, but the cops can do nothing. I had them over to her house twice. First time she answered the door wearing an outfit of mine. Second time she wasn't there, so the police opened the door and I went through the boxes she had packed, pulling out my belongings and rescuing them. Even then, I haven't landed myself with even half of what I previously owned. One suitcase and one box of belongings isn't very much, for a girl. I don't really know how someone can just up and leave with someone else's shit. It's fucking weird.
Anywho, I will write again soon, hopefully with a fucktonne of pictures to go along with it. Have a good week y'all.
I keep seeing my own name everywhere. I don't know why but it seems every corner I turn I'm confronted with the C word. Not cunt. My last name. Although sometimes I think my last name might as well be cunt. I'm trying not to think of this in a weird superstitious way, as I would have done previously, I'm trying not to see it as a sign, but the more I try not to, the more it appears. I don't even know what it would be a sign of! Perhaps the universe is, indeed, trying to tell me something that I am entirely missing.
Started talking to a member of my family again. Feels a little awkward. Not surprising really since she finally knows everything about me, secrets in and out. She finally knows how I feel about how her and my family treated me. But things changed a little there, she did not try to force unsolicited advice on me, which was kind of new and I'm trying to view that as a good sign. Perhaps it is possible to have a sister who is supportive, and kind, and what sisters are supposed to be. I don't even really know what that is; I'm no angel. I've been just as bad in the past. I just hope I'd never be like that with my own family.
Speaking of which, I won't be posting anything deeply personal or detailed any more, since it has been used against me. I shan't mention names because I'm above that, but it wasn't terribly pleasant, and since I've been trying to keep my drama away from this whole scene, I think it would be better for everyone if I just kept things to myself.
I recently got my HDD back, that was really nice to go through again after a few months. I don't have much of a memory, so my photographs are intensely important to me. I went through them all and memories washed over me like a warm bath. It was excellent. Seeing my friends and I so happy, drunk, silly, drunk, bored, drunk, and of course, drunk. I miss them a lot, a lot of the time. Especially my best friend. It's nice to see one of them on here, though, he's a great guy; loyal and funny.
Every day here it gets colder, every day I fall a little further, and I'm okay to let myself fall. It feels almost blissful allowing fate to take it's turn. I can't still be the same person I was a year ago, not after all this. I know I'm an entirely different person to the person I was the year before that, and the year before, etc. And here I am, this is me. I endeavour to always be smiling inside, to always try to look at things in a positive way. I say endeavour, I know I won't always succeed, but right now, when things look so terribly bleak, I'm still here, I'm still fighting, I'm still staring the world down, because I am stronger than any other person that I have ever met.
Giving up is not for me, so trying to ask me, trying to force me, to do that, is not something that you will succeed in doing.
Team NoBlocks is gone, by the way. I block, and will no longer be dealing with any of the shit thrown my way. If your opinion on me is so important, try to find someone who cares. Your rumors and lies are toxic, and make you look like a sad sack of shit with nothing better to do than try to create misery in others' lives, just to make your own look that much better. Pathetic.
Yuletide is fast approaching, and I am attempting to ignore it. As some of you who have known me a long time know, this time of year is not the nicest time for me. My memory is terrible, but some things never fade, and aged eighteen, nineteen and twenty-one, this time of year held a massive amount of horror for me. It is going to take me a very long time to get past that. What sickens me a lot is that some people know about what I've been through, and yet they use that against me. That's pretty sickening.
As is, I'm currently sitting in Starbucks. There's a guy to my right who won't stop bobbing his head to the god-awful Christmas music that is playing. I'd love to know how it's "lovely weather for a sleigh ride together" with anyone in San Diego. It's not exactly Antarctica here. Makes me glad, though, that I'm not in England, with it's actual snow, and freezing cold temperatures, forcing my hands into gloves and my feet into thick boots every day to trudge through rain, snow, mud, or whatever crap the country throws at me that day in terms of weather. Here, my hands have been getting colder, but not to the point that I have to wear gloves... yet...
Thinking about it, I don't actually own a jacket. My ex roomie decided that it would be a lovely idea to run off with the majority of my belongings. That's around $2500 worth of my clothing, books, computer components, jewellery, all of my make-up (that's exceedingly upsetting for a girl) and family heirlooms, things I couldn't afford to lose. It really sucks, but the cops can do nothing. I had them over to her house twice. First time she answered the door wearing an outfit of mine. Second time she wasn't there, so the police opened the door and I went through the boxes she had packed, pulling out my belongings and rescuing them. Even then, I haven't landed myself with even half of what I previously owned. One suitcase and one box of belongings isn't very much, for a girl. I don't really know how someone can just up and leave with someone else's shit. It's fucking weird.
Anywho, I will write again soon, hopefully with a fucktonne of pictures to go along with it. Have a good week y'all.
Here's some shit! Stuff's going better. LA area always makes me very very happy. People are also helping with that. Making me happy that is. Job and lawyers in the works. Let's play ball!
I attract what?
Balloons.
Dexter.
Me with hair shadows going on.
Dexter in my pants.
JustinWALLS and his beer.
Christmas decorations being erected (hehe yeah I said erected) in West Hollywood.
Me ready for date.
Today's sunset.
"I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder." - Donkey, Shrek.
Bite me.
Just after a shoot this morning.
I'd like to remind everyone of something, using this song, specifically this set of lyrics:
I can run, I can hide
I can take a world of pain in a stride
And I don't need fairytales to pretend
And I don't need heroes to depend on
I can heal, I can regenerate
I can give birth and I can meditate
I can hate, I can love, I can fuck
I can see the view below from the top
Weirdly enough that is the first band I ever saw live. Back in 2003. In my home town, which is a dump. They actually originate from my home town too, which is a rarity, something decent coming out of there.
Oh and I have a picture of someone sleeping that I'm not going to post.
I attract what?
Balloons.
Dexter.
Me with hair shadows going on.
Dexter in my pants.
JustinWALLS and his beer.
Christmas decorations being erected (hehe yeah I said erected) in West Hollywood.
Me ready for date.
Today's sunset.
"I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder." - Donkey, Shrek.
Bite me.
Just after a shoot this morning.
I'd like to remind everyone of something, using this song, specifically this set of lyrics:
I can run, I can hide
I can take a world of pain in a stride
And I don't need fairytales to pretend
And I don't need heroes to depend on
I can heal, I can regenerate
I can give birth and I can meditate
I can hate, I can love, I can fuck
I can see the view below from the top
Weirdly enough that is the first band I ever saw live. Back in 2003. In my home town, which is a dump. They actually originate from my home town too, which is a rarity, something decent coming out of there.
Oh and I have a picture of someone sleeping that I'm not going to post.
So much going on I think I'm going to implode!
I also discovered I have vasovagal syncope, postural hypotension and arrhythmia. Fun shit huh.
Vasovagal syncope occurs when your body overreacts to triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress. The trigger results in vasovagal syncope - a brief loss of consciousness caused by a sudden drop in your heart rate and blood pressure, which reduces blood flow to your brain.
Orthostatic hypotension, also known as postural hypotension, and colloquially as head rush or dizzy spell, is a form of hypotension in which a person's blood pressure suddenly falls when standing up or stretching. The symptom is caused by blood pooling in the lower extremities upon a change in body position. It is quite common and can occur briefly in anyone, although it is particularly prevalent among the elderly, and those with low blood pressure.
An arrhythmia is a problem with the rate or rhythm of the heartbeat. During an arrhythmia, the heart can beat too fast, too slow, or with an irregular rhythm. A heartbeat that is too fast is called tachycardia. A heartbeat that is too slow is called bradycardia. Most arrhythmias are harmless, but some can be serious or even life threatening. During an arrhythmia, the heart may not be able to pump enough blood to the body. Lack of blood flow can damage the brain, heart, and other organs.
I also discovered I have vasovagal syncope, postural hypotension and arrhythmia. Fun shit huh.
Vasovagal syncope occurs when your body overreacts to triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress. The trigger results in vasovagal syncope - a brief loss of consciousness caused by a sudden drop in your heart rate and blood pressure, which reduces blood flow to your brain.
Orthostatic hypotension, also known as postural hypotension, and colloquially as head rush or dizzy spell, is a form of hypotension in which a person's blood pressure suddenly falls when standing up or stretching. The symptom is caused by blood pooling in the lower extremities upon a change in body position. It is quite common and can occur briefly in anyone, although it is particularly prevalent among the elderly, and those with low blood pressure.
An arrhythmia is a problem with the rate or rhythm of the heartbeat. During an arrhythmia, the heart can beat too fast, too slow, or with an irregular rhythm. A heartbeat that is too fast is called tachycardia. A heartbeat that is too slow is called bradycardia. Most arrhythmias are harmless, but some can be serious or even life threatening. During an arrhythmia, the heart may not be able to pump enough blood to the body. Lack of blood flow can damage the brain, heart, and other organs.
Oh yes, it's that time again. I'm mad now.
In other news:
Vroom vroom
Treeish
Woof
Poke
Yum yum, apparently
Hair is red again
Strange faces
Headphones on the dog
GPOY
I have a set going into member review on the 23rd of October at 1pm. Due to recent events, despite the fact that this set is awesome, and was shot by the lovely Turbulence, I am having trouble rooting for it, so you're all gonna have to do that for me.
Here are some sets that really really need to be bought, so go help these beautiful girls out.
Glitch
Epiic
HelenJade
Tovi
Bully
Damone
Tumblr
Facebook Fanpage
In other news:
Vroom vroom
Treeish
Woof
Poke
Yum yum, apparently
Hair is red again
Strange faces
Headphones on the dog
GPOY
I have a set going into member review on the 23rd of October at 1pm. Due to recent events, despite the fact that this set is awesome, and was shot by the lovely Turbulence, I am having trouble rooting for it, so you're all gonna have to do that for me.
Here are some sets that really really need to be bought, so go help these beautiful girls out.
Glitch
Epiic
HelenJade
Tovi
Bully
Damone
Tumblr
Facebook Fanpage
Well hi!
Dyed my hair funky colors.
Anyway, bad mood, so that's it from me for now.
So, the last month and a bit has been an insane barrage of awesome what the fuck-ness. I flew to Vancouver, where I spent time with Pokes, ramonarox and Vida amongst other people. Vancouver itself was an amazing hub of great activity, I had a great time on Wreck Beach - a nude beach there, where we drank alcoholic freeze pops, jello shots and smoked (various things) like chimneys. I met a new friend there, on the beach, who I ended up dragging with me on my long road trip. I stayed with him for a few days, and we went out dancing, which was great, I spent a good hour dancing in one of the cages in the club. Dancing is my absolute favorite form of exercize. Here are some pictures from Vancouver!
After a week and a half in Vancouver, it was time to move on. I travelled down to Seattle, where I met up with Taco_Barbarian, and continued my road trip south. Seattle itself was interesting, I spent twenty four hours there, mostly staring at things blankly, but enjoying the blank staring nontheless. I was a little disappointed to find out later that I had walked straight past the most haunted building in Seattle. Perhaps I'll go back someday and scream at it or something.
After Seattle, myself, Taco_Barbarian and Jimmy all hopped into the rented Mustang and started on down the west coast. It was an incredible journey, filled with laughs and severe lack of sleep.
We stopped in Newport Beach, where we had a really nice jaunt around Balboa Island. That was a great amount of fun. We ate Balboa bars and giggled at the tourists. At night we went to one of Jimmy's friend's houses where we sat in the hot tub and drank.
After Balboa, we finally headed south again, to our final destination, and back to my puppy, Ginger. San Diego. Upon entering the city I felt a great release and peace washed over me. It was kinda like an orgasm, but without the fidgeting. When I saw my puppy again my eyes welled up and I felt like I was home. And I am. I will be moving in with a friend this weekend, which will be great, as I now have a job and life is more set up for me. I have dyed my hair blue. Something I've wanted to do for a while but was too lazy to get round to doing, and I have new tattoos and a new piercing which I can't remember if I blogged about, so here is the rest of my picture dump, and I hope that you enjoyed this blog.
Shameless plugs for girls currently in Member Review:
Annasthesia - Sunshine State
Jeckyl - SuicideGirls For Dummies
Callioppe - Hypnagogia
HelenJade - Ch Check it Out
Remember you can follow me in all these places!!!
Facebook fanpage!
My personal Tumblr!
My Twitter!
Instagram name.
Also:
My wishlist.
