sometimes i have these really intense idealistic daydreams, especially when i am walking home from work and i look up at the stars. suddenly my mind is wandering. i think of when i was counseling at summer camp this past summer and while i was outside at night i looked up through the pines and saw the stars so bright, and across the lake were mountains. this makes me want to be in the mountains with the stars overhead. or in the desert with a crazy sky--even if i was just on my farm, the stars are gorgeous from there.

i think of the night i went skinny dipping last summer. it was so perfect. and road tripping.

i want to show someone all the beauty i see, and have them understand.

i feel rested and happy this morning. it is sunny and i wish i could wear capri pants and tshirts.

but alas it is still winter. today feels like it has the potential to be a good day.

also: it feels super glam to me--when i have no makeup on and just a plain tshirt but i am wearing this lush nice lip gloss.

only the lebanese steroid king of edmonton can ruin today.

i realized:

i am really, really, really not a morning person.

especially not when i wake up and want to rock the world with some donkey kong country 3 and my roommate's boyfriend has been playing crimson skies for hours. that's all he does when he is over here.

after sex the other day he asked her if he'd cuddled her enough and he could go play videogames.

the boy has a serious problem. he invoked my morning anger and this is a bad sign. i contemplated just unplugging the videogame from the tv (but not shutting it off) and plugging mine in since *OH WAIT! I REMEMBERED!* i pay rent here and he has lost out on that opportunity. but if i unplugged his game he could potentially loose the acrid stench of his feet upon me, and where would i be then? passed out on the living room floor is where. and DEFINITELY no dk3 for me then.

it's a miracle that i ever wake up and don't contemplate how to murder the first four people i see.

i had a really crazy bad dream about my mom dying. i woke up at 810 and knew i couldn't get back to sleep. i phoned my mom and had an amazing hour-long discussion with her. she made me feel so much better. maybe i will have a nap later on in the day. it just feels nice to be up now.

tomorrow the boy comes home and we can talk like normal. that will rule.

edited to add:

i applied at the u of c. sooo nervous. i hope i get in.

arg.

it is almost 2 am. i feel heinously sick. rose and i trudged out in the chilliness to meet up with courtney, to go watch improv. only the improv was sold out and we couldn't find cordy so we left a message with the people she ate supper with (we saw them and know them from highschool.)

we then went to a timothy's and treated ourselves. rose is so fucking amazing to talk to. we talked about our experiences with guitar and just different neat things about it. and on the way home we caught a bus and talked about culture and spice girls vs britney spears. that conversation made me realize that i will be happy if i take communications and culture at u of c. there are just some things sociology won't cover as well.

plus, i love rose to pieces. lately we have been having these great amazing feminist-tinged conversations, about sexual harassment, compulsory altruism, the way sex is portrayed to the training bra crowd. she is the most wonderful roommate.

i am listening to the only recording that exists of a castrato--it's beautiful. almost otherworldly, cause it sounds feminine and masculine at the same time.

apparently one of my highschool friends who hasn't been talking to me for the past 2 months decided that we should be friends again. tonight we're going to improv theatre. that should be interesting to say the least.

i guess the boy phoned while i was out drinking last night--that's too bad. would've been nice to talk to him.

in 8 sleeps i will be with him again. it will be wonderful.

sometimes it really scares me how fast time goes, and sometimes i couldn't be happier about it, but i guess that's how it is with everyone.

ha HA! i said something about a drunk entry and here it is. i danced by myself a lot to raveish music cause it reminded me of my boy. queen goth talked to me.

i also talked to this guy i used to be friends with, chris tsubone. i really missed him.

so drunk. not going to school tomorrow. arggggg

addendum: i dont really like drinking. it makes me feel really sick. i'd rather someone hand me an illegal substance.

i have an anthropology midterm on tuesday. as long as i get about 60% i will be happy, seeing as how i joined the class 3 weeks late.

i am going to see an exhibit at the edmonton art gallery called godzilla vs skateboarders. i think i'm going on sunday.

i will probably be seeing my mom on saturday. she will se my labret piercing and cry.

i finished writing one song and both started and finished another. it's wonderful to get creative jolts like that.

also i saw this comic in the student paper and i thought of leningrad. it's so emo.


also i'm going to the bar tonight, so there could be a drunken update in the works.

today was one of those days that i am happy to be alive.

i got to talk to the boy this morning, even though it was only for 2 minutes. his voice was all sleepy and cute.

rose and i walked to school. my one class zoomed by then i saw my friend sean. i went downtown and bought my bus ticket to see the boy (i am going down on valentine's day). i wandered to the downtown la senza and bought some cute panties. i wandered around the mall smiling to myself. i bought an orange julius and drank it slowly. i heard an awesome busker so i gave him 2.50 and talked to him when he was done. i mentioned i played guitar and he handed me his. i just started playing and security descended. then i hung out with him and his girlfriend for an hour or so. it was a lot of fun.

then i wandered down whyte ave and bought some black leg warmers. i also picked up some laundry detergent and some bread.

today is one of those days where i'm glad to be alive.

today was pretty nice--i hung out with lovely jenanne and rose. jenanne is probably one of the sweetest people in the entire world. she finishes your sentences and it's sweet and lovely cause she is wonderful. then she left to study group and rose and i decided several key things. one of them being that we are throwing caution to the wind--we are in similar spots in our lives. we are both considering being somewhere else next school year (her in saskatchewan, me in calgary) and it's so easy to say we will stay in edmonton because we like living together and it's easier. there is no risk involved. but we decided that we want to get the most out of things and that we are both going to try for our opposite directions.

we talked of love. jenanne asked me about the boy and i swear little hearts popped into my eyes.

i should stop this entry before it gets more emo.