journal tidbits..

four a.m.
watching one of the ants
who dwells in the left-hand column on my front porch,
(i imagine the most frail yet elegant staircase spiraling within)
scurrying with frantic instinct,
it's tiniest of shadows
the object of the chase.
i am endeared by the little fellow's moxie.
it seems this is precisely what so many are doing,
chasing something
that is impossible to catch.
though, it appears so close, as if we could touch it,
as though we are attached to it.
barely, but attached.
and yet,
it cannot be ours.
it will not.

we chase it as if we do not already know
what it is
or as though we have forgotten.
so that we always have a game to play.
something more to seek,
something more to be,
someone to catch up or make up with.
how often do we hear people proclaim
that they wish to do something more, be something more

humanity. raised to believe nothing is ever enough,
to perform a continual search for satisfaction.
we would all be satisfied if only we would allow ourselves.
there is always something different,
but there is not always something more.
only happy, if you are not

there is death, to be sure.
the end, finis.
a glorious rot to return us to our primal mother,
the earth.
bacteria, insects we have swatted, crushed all our lives,
will consume us,
the asylums will crumble and the doctors flesh will be gnawed no sooner or later than the patient's.

life will go on.

..

the next day now,
afternoon.
the ants, they never stop.

i adore them,
in a way.
their continual presence
(never invasive)
over the years,
having helped refine
my sense of place amongst creatures, one and all.

it is overcast and there are goosebumps on my legs
in july.
the quiet of sunday is welcome,
though on this day i am not quite sure what to do with it.

the air is cool,
coffee, hot
wallet empty.
bookshelf full.

and that is perfect,
just plenty
for now.






life is life my babies.
feelin' real fine.

mornings.






afternoons.


(yes. that is a sandwich purely consisting of crispy bacon betwixt two slices of exorbitantly buttered cinnamon swirl bread.)

(yes. that is me breaking from my hermit habit and kicking it with other specks of mankind. a rarity!)


evenings.







love.

music. \m/



Sunn O))) and Boris - Altar
Dissection - Storm of the Light's Bane
Acid Witch - Stoned
Pestilence - Malleus Maleficarum
Tricky - Nearly God
Lamb - Self-Titled
Slayer - Seasons in the Abyss
Old Man Gloom - Meditations in B
Melvins - Bullhead



speaking of music, will anyone else be attending the power of the riff festival in brooklyn? i think i'm traveling solo to this one, but i would love to rock out and have some brews with other humans who might be going!


i am loving the summer.
trying to make the best of the inevitable work between bouts of freedom.

working on the various aspects of my application to the pittsburgh institute of mortuary science.
reading reading reading..
just finished three amazing henry miller novels
and began the ginger man by j.p. donleavy (all recommended by the trusty hunter s! )




k buds.
thats all for now.
enjoy yourselves. feel sexy. never take life too seriously.

ciao/meow.
<3 Rexxy