I just realized that I'm never going to do anything with my life. I'm going to hate myself everyday for it. My dreams of becoming a photographer has just ended. I think I'm just going to give up on everything I ever wanted. No one's willing to help me. Hell, no one even cares. It's not their life, why should they care? Larry's going to college in March and I'm so happy for him. I wish I could do it. I'm just so lost and don't know what to do. Guess I'll just be at Sam's for the rest of my miserable life. Live under the Main St. bridge in a cardboard box. Sounds like a good time right. For everyone who said I could never do it, you win. Congrats. I hope you're happy now. For everyone who said I could, I'm sorry for letting you down. I can no longer drive myself crazy with this. Please continue to love me and have faith in me.

Love,
Rainbow

Rainbow doesn't know if she'll ever go to Havana again!!! It's not that Havana itself was bad, it was just getting there and getting back home from there. Here's my story...

So I wake up, get ready, leave. Blah, blah, blah. All of that stuff is irrelevant and boring. Anywho I get up to Columbus and I'm driving on High Street. So I'm on the little part where they're still working on it, which is a lot of places, but just hear me out. So I'm there and I'm going slow so I don't miss my turns and I'm passing this bus. Well this damn bus decides to try to move over in my lane while I'm still right beside it. So here I am, getting ready to get shoved into oncoming traffic, freaking out and don't know what to do. So I just speed up to try to get in front of it before it kills me and my poor little hoop-de. Well I got passed the bus and then almost slammed into an SUV! So I speed past the bus and then slam on my breaks. My back tires are bald and the road was wet, so I begin to slide and slide and slide. My car turned about 35 degrees and I came within inches of slamming that SUV. EVERY DAMN TIME I DRIVE ON HIGH STREET I HAVE A MINI HEART ATTACK! WTFWJD!?!?!? So not cool!!!

So I continue on my not so merry way. Get to one street and end up in a turn only lane, but thankfully it was the lane I needed. I basically had to memorize the ten step directions because I didn't think that it would be dark. I really should think sometimes. Anywho, after all of that, I made it to Meow's okay.

Once getting to Meow's I basically waited for a couple of hours while the poor thing guided the most gorgeous woman to her house. Oh yes. I'm talking about Vivid. Haha. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her. We're going to make babies. We fit like Tetris pieces. Oh yeah!

Once we got to Havana, I just kind of stood around and mingled in and out. I got to meet Nessy!! I knew I'd get along with her really well. She's so sweet. Unfortunately she had to leave early. Broke my heart. </2 I also got to me Zero, Bindi, Sunshine, Bully, Dorsal, Ally, Copper, Salome, Yoyo, Warning, Bullet, Tini, and I seen some, but didn't get names with faces. Anywho all of the ladies were AMAZING!!!. Zero is from Colorado and just happened to be in town. Awesome huh! She was really cool and awfully gorgeous. She got a video of Vivid and Tini making out. She was psyched. I made sure I gave her lots of hugs, since I don't know if we'd ever see each other again. Bindi is going to have a baby. I'm excited for her. She hung out with all of the sober kiddies. Haha. I'm included in there, since I got the wonderful black X's on my hands. That's okay though. Next time, I'm taking alcohol pads. Muahahahaha! Thanks Hooper! The night was awesome. I got to see two fights, get sweet alcohol hookups from Vivid, (It's because she loves me so. I know it.) and meet some awesome new friends!!!

So we all go back to the house and I eat and catch some Z's. I was tired and had to work the next day. Anywho, I wake up, about an hour and a half later than I wanted, say bye and leave. So I decided I'd go a different way than my directions told me. It was a way that we came home the night before, and for me, it was easier than starring at a piece of paper whilst trying to drive. So I go the way I go and end up getting terribly lost! I was lost for about an hour!!! I was so damn scared! I had no clue where I was. So I decided to turn around and go back the same way I came, but it didn't work out like that. I ended up in a completely different area than before!!! So I couldn't even go back and follow my original directions. So here I am freaking out. No cell to call. No gas station to point me in the right directions. No pay phones in sight. I was royally fucked. I just kept on driving. I end up on this one road, did a U turn and ended up turning on Emerald Parkway. It looked like it could have led me to a highway or whatnot and highways mean gas station exits, which means directions, which means home. So here I am at Tuttle Crossing. I go straight through this light, but something told me to turn around and take a right. So I did and guess what! I found 270 south!!!!!! YAYS!!! We all know 270 south leads to 23 south. I was super stoked to find 270. When I seen the exit sign for 23 south, I wanted to pull over, get out of my car and kiss it. I was so happy. I got home with twenty minutes to eat and shower. I'm so surprised I made it on time. Rainbow is definitely investing in a phone so when she gets lost she can call someone to get directions and she can call work if she's going to be late.

Oh what crazyness. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go insane now. I'm majorly stressed. I'm happy I only had to do gas station today. I think working with members would have made me even more stressed today. SOME things work out. Haha. I'm just glad everything is okay now.

Love,
Rainbow

Yet another sweet and sour day. The sweet is that Havana is tonight!!! I'm so fucking psyched!! It's going to be awesome. The only thing I'm worried about now is finding Meow's house. I really hope I don't get lost, since I don't have a cell to call anyone if I do. Eep! So if I don't show up tonight, it's because I'm still looking for the pink house in Columbus.

The sour is that they started tearing down my old elementary school.

It makes me so sad! I just can't believe they'd tear it down. I have so many good memories from that place. It almost makes me cry. I'm going to go steal a brick.

I hope everyone has a nice day. Wish me luck on finding Meow's house. It worries me so.

Love,
Rainbow

Ouchies!!! My right ribs burn like fire!!! That tattoo put more hurt on me than it ever had before. I guess that worst spots were saved for last. I'm so happy though. It turned out AMAZING! My cameras batteries are dead, so sadly, I can't take any pictures for you yet, but I'm hoping that Alissa will take some pics of it and send them to me. Then I can post them for y'all!

Havana is tomorrow!!!! I'll be in Columbus in less than 24 hours! Woot! Well, that is if my shitty car will get me there and if I can find out where I'm going. I'm kind of nervous. The only person I really know up there is Alissa. Sometimes it's hard for me to make friends. It's like at times my making friend switch is turned off. Hopefully tomorrow wont be like that. I hope everyone likes me.

To the people who will be at Havana tomorrow: I'm sorry if I'm all shy and stuff. I'll probably be really nervous and intimidated tomorrow. I'm just going to have to get used to people I've never met knowing me already. Haha. So if I seem prudish and I don't mingle and junk, it's just because I'm scared out of my mind. I'll be better next time, I promise.

Today was so awesome though. Alisha and I hung out all day. She went with me to get my tattoo and got to see all of the awesome ouchie faces I made. Some of them were priceless I'm sure. I went to the bank and deposited my SG check into a brandy new savings account. Yays! I'll be rich before you know it. We ate at subway and I bought some new black nail polish, which I will be painting on soon after this blog. Then we went to the laundromat to wash some of my moms junk. It was so awesome because there was a trinket machine there that had Care Bears in it. Alisha wasted her 75 cents on Sleepy Bear, but I didn't waste mine since I got Cheer Bear. I love Cheer Bear. He supports Rainbow Suicide. Alisha had never been to the laundromat before, so I'm glad I could take her there for one of the most boring experiences in the world.

I'm so giddy right now! Everything is amazing and it's starting to scare me. You know when things are going too well? That's how I'm feeling all the time now. I just need to take the goodness and run with it. I don't know though, I haven't ran in a while. I probably wont get far. Wish me luck with the running! Haha.

Love,
Rainbow

Today was the most sweet and sour day I've ever had. I wake up, look out the window and there's freakin' show out! Sour. I fucking hate snow with a passion. It's not good for anything but sledding and every other thing that goes with speeding down a hill on a smooth surfaced object.

Then, I get online, go to my Myspace and see that Cut Throat Freak Show is no more. Sour. I can't believe that. I know I only seen them once, but once isn't enough. I wanted to see them every time they came to Ohio. Their show was awesome and I loved it so much. Hell City gave me hopes of seeing them again. Why did that have to happen!? It breaks my heart it does.

I got a package from SG today! Sweet. I believe it's my care package. I wont get it until tomorrow though, since it's an hour away at Alisha's house. I almost had her open it for me and tell me what was in it, but I decided not to, since it'll be like a Xmas present if I open it. Plus it's mine to open anyway. Haha. No offense Alisha.

I got to play all sorts of Xbox 36o today. Sweet. Though some of my friends on there pissed me off because they're so whiny and serious about the game we were playing. Sour. WTFWJD!?!? It's just a game. It's supposed to be for fun guys. Don't get mad because I was standing in a doorway and got you killed. I'm not going to kill myself so you can survive. I come first damnit!

Though today was sweet and sour, that doesn't change the fact that I'm so damn excited about Havana and my tattoo. ^w^ Plus Alisha is coming with me for the tattoo, so this time I wont be lonely. Yipee! I love you guys! See some of you soon!

Love,
Rainbow

Yay for four days off in a row!! *Does a little dance.* They said they'd call me if they needed me, but too bad I don't have my phone anymore! Muahahahahahaha! Best of luck getting a hold of me bitches!

Havana is less than a week away! I'm so damn excited because this is the first time I'll actually be able to hang out. The other times I had things to do or people with me who were losers and didn't want to stay. I'm even going to slumber at Meows house afterward. Thursday is going to be the best day EVER! I'm sad that I have to work the next day though. How depressing. At least I get to go to Havana though. Work could have been a bitch and made me work that day, so for my day off I am grateful. (See there's that whole grateful kick again.)

Man! I wish my set would que already. This waiting is killing me inside and out! I also really want my check, since I need it to get a place of my own. Haha. I'm kind of banking on that check to be part of my down payment. Maybe they don't ship it out until I go live. Hell, I don't know. It'll get here when it gets here I guess.

So, I needs mail in my new PO Box. Anyone gonna send me a letter? Haha. I'm so lame.

Anywhos, I'm going to let this blog go a little short. Nothing too much has happened within the last few days. Just the lame ol', lame ol'.

Love,
Rainbow

Fuck yeah! Life is SWEET! Yet another awesome day for Rainbow. I got paid today and got everything that I needed done, done. Went to Wicked Sensations today to schedule an appointment to get my angel done. YIPEE! I'll be getting it done next Wednesday at 11:30am. Bought a new light for Artemidoris' cage and it was a lot cheaper than I thought it was going to be. Got myself a PO Box! Y'all should send me letters or something. I never get mail, so it'd be cool to get some! Bought an awesome ammo box from the military surplus store. It's so damn awesome! Tried to go to may favorite store in Chilli, but they closed early due to electric problems. How sad. That's okay though, because if I would have went to Odysseys I wouldn't have gotten my awesome ammo box. So everything worked out. I have about sixty more dollars that I had planned, which is awesome!!!

So I've been on this thankful kick. I've been thinking of all the things I'm grateful for and it's brought up a lot of memories. When I was walking to Odysseys today, it was in the rain and I was thinking of something this old guy used to tell me. He told me when I got older I'd learn how to walk around the raindrops so I'd never get wet. I remember being a little kid, outside in the rain, trying to dodge the raindrops. I really thought that one day I'd learn how to avoid the drops. Sadly he died a couple years ago. He wasn't the luckiest of people. Lived in a TINY ass trailer, never had any money and didn't even have a shower or tub to bathe in. No matter what though, he was always happy. I want to have his mentality. To always be thankful for what I have, even if I have nothing at all. Thank you Bud. You'll always be in my heart.

I had another good memory today. One of my favorite songs to sing when I was a kid was Mary Jane's Last Dance by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. "Oh my my, oh hell yes honey put on that party dress..." I remember always leaving out hell, since I was so young and it was a 'bad word'. I was with my Granny one day and that song came on the radio. I was happily singing away and accidentally sang the whole line. Hell and all. I thought I was in big trouble and began to cry. I remember her telling me that it was okay to say bad words as long as your singing. We all know that's not true, but it was just a way for her to make me feel better. No matter what, she always made me feel better. Even if I did something really wrong. I miss her. She was by far the greatest woman in the world in my eyes. She's greatly missed and thought about every day.

Little things like being able to curse while singing a song or dodging raindrops is really what life's about. I think back on things like that and can't help but smile. I'm glad that I have an awesome memory and am able to remember all of those little things.

Love,
Rainbow

Today was an awesome day! I really don't know why, since I had to work and all, but it was awesome.

My lip is still hurting. Starting to piss me off real bad. I am good to you lip! Be good to me! Interesting story though... I was getting off work. It was even a little bit early, since I didn't take a lunch. Anywho, I was putting in my labret ring, because with this horrid infection, I'm trying to keep it in when I can so that it doesn't grow over, 'cause then you'd see a very unhappy Rainbow. So I'm putting it in and trying to screw the ball in while walking towards the door to leave. I told myself I shouldn't worry about the ball until I got home, but did I listen, nooooooooo. So I drop the damn thing! Hear it bounce a couple times, but don't see it roll anywhere or anything. So here I am. Supposedly supposed to be going home, but nope, you have to look for your ball, because it's your last one and if you don't find it, you're going to swallow the base in your sleep. I got out a broom and swept around the area I dropped it, hoping I'd see it roll the next time. I was laying on the ground trying to get that perspective. Found a lot of dirt, but no ball. So I look and look and look until everyone that was closing was even done and I was going to have to leave. Throughout this whole looking thing a few people tried to help, but shortly gave up. So I'm grabbing my purse, fitting in the ten dollars that I was going to have to spend on another ring into my budget, and walking away, giving up. Well there was a guy that tried to help a little before, looked for about five minutes and then left to go clock in or whatever. (He was night crew.) So as I'm walking away, he says come here. So I go to him and guess what!!! HE HAS MY BALL!!! Yays! He found it! I'm forever thankful for that guy. When I buy my gratitude journal, he's so going into it.

I love how everything works out! I know I've said that before, but it's just so true. I don't know how many times I've lost things, was getting ready to give up, and then found it as I was walking away and in the labret case, someone else found it. I'm probably one of the highest believers in karma. You get what you give. Oh how amazing it is. I know as long as I'm helping people and I'm nice to them, I'm going to get it in return. I've been wanting to do something for Isis here lately. I just don't know how to go about it right now. Hopefully I can do something soon.

Love,
Rainbow

Man! This sinus infection is kicking my ass!!! I thought it was getting better yesterday. You know when you're sick and all of the phlegm starts coming up and you have to spit it out? Well usually, when it does that, you're getting better. That's what I was doing all day yesterday. Spitting. So I thought I was going to be okay. Well the damn sinus infection came back this morning with a fight! I feel worse than ever. My head feels like it's going to explode. No fun. Makes my chest hurt too. Not to mention, my labret is infected too. I'm just in a world of pain. I need hugs.

Love,
Rainbow

Oh how I love new books! Some of them even smell good. So, for some, I can say I enjoy the new book smell. Hehe. There's only one book I haven't gotten out of the nine books I ordered. I'm expecting it within the next two days. Every time one comes in the mail, it feels like my birthday. It's like 'Yay! I got a package!' I love my books so very much. I'm nerdtastic! My Wicca book collection is growing tremendously, though my checking account is dwindling because of it. I'm still extremely happy though. They're worth every penny.

I have a new goal though. Finish my tattoo on my side! Hopefully my next paycheck will be big enough to do so. I doubt it, since they're cutting my hours and I have an insurance payment on my piece of junk that I'd like to call a car. I really need to trade it in. Get this! I have a leak right above my break pedal, so when it snows and then melts a little, it gets it all wet and then it freezes! So my break pedal have a nice slippery layer of ice on it. That car is going to kill me someday.

Well kiddies, I shouldn't have even stayed up long enough to type this, but since I love you all so much and I know that you were just dying for another blog from moi, I decided to inform you on my no self control and my dangerous car. Hope you all have a wonderful night!

Love,
Rainbow