PICS
on a break... broken up.
i wish i was 18 again and had the sense i do now.
blerg.
i just spent my day marathon watching the hills. ugh.
i wish i was 18 again and had the sense i do now.
blerg.
i just spent my day marathon watching the hills. ugh.
My body is starting to feel better. My back still feels like it's being crushed when I breathe in too much. (read: before I sneeze) I started riding my bike again which is brilliant for my emotional state. I'm a little overwhelmed with the difficulties that come with paying off ambulance, hospital and insurance bills to the tune of $7000+... That's just as painful as busted knees and a crushed back. And this is WITH health and car insurance. Blerg.
On a more positive note my studies double as a spiritual journey. I'm studying the foundations of yoga. So far it's a lot of history and philosophy. Part of me is overwhelmed and the other knows that I was meant to study this. I love it a lot. It requires a lot of self-motivation. Not a lot of people to discuss it with.
I'm floating further and further away from the Bay Area party party party scene and deep into my own world filled with books, nature, wonder and self-love. My yoga teacher turned healer, energy worker and trauma massage life-saver has helped me so much. I'm about to start studying energy work under her. I'm very lucky to have met her when I did.
On a more positive note my studies double as a spiritual journey. I'm studying the foundations of yoga. So far it's a lot of history and philosophy. Part of me is overwhelmed and the other knows that I was meant to study this. I love it a lot. It requires a lot of self-motivation. Not a lot of people to discuss it with.
I'm floating further and further away from the Bay Area party party party scene and deep into my own world filled with books, nature, wonder and self-love. My yoga teacher turned healer, energy worker and trauma massage life-saver has helped me so much. I'm about to start studying energy work under her. I'm very lucky to have met her when I did.
I have some deep seeded negative emotions for school work. I know what it's from but it's still crazy to see myself react this way. I love what I'm studying but I'll do the dishes, mop the kitchen floor, play with the cats, remake the bed, make lunches for the whole week and pluck my eyebrows before cracking open a school book. I really need to break this awful habit.
Any tips?
Any tips?
Somehow they think I'm the strong one.
I caught my knee on the coffee table. It was the last part of my bad knee that hurt still. I think it hurt so bad it made me fall to the floor and cry. Sadder tears than you get from a busted knee showed up. I'm not even sure where the tears came from.
The cat jumped through the window. I guess he thinks he knows what sobs mean.
They should think me the sensitive one.
My knee is still red, downgraded from last week's purple.
Weird things hurt and weird things run through my head in movie format.
Maybe I did hit my head in the accident. Who would know?
I caught my knee on the coffee table. It was the last part of my bad knee that hurt still. I think it hurt so bad it made me fall to the floor and cry. Sadder tears than you get from a busted knee showed up. I'm not even sure where the tears came from.
The cat jumped through the window. I guess he thinks he knows what sobs mean.
They should think me the sensitive one.
My knee is still red, downgraded from last week's purple.
Weird things hurt and weird things run through my head in movie format.
Maybe I did hit my head in the accident. Who would know?
And sometimes you apologize even if you're right because the friend that's on the line isn't worth losing. Always make a pro and con list....
Not about the situation, but the person.
What an ugly sin pride is.
Not about the situation, but the person.
What an ugly sin pride is.
I get banged up a lot like a pinky toe.
I suppose the next few years could get really easy but that already seems boring. Sometimes I get really afraid that I'm already forgetting all the things I tried to remember. The things that were so important, the things that when they happen you think to yourself 'I'll always remember this'..
It's no secret I'm sensitive and emotionally attached to everything. It makes change really hard. I honestly can't even remember how I up and left Canada as a teenager. I can remember plane rides if I really think about it. I can remember the shirt I was wearing the day I arrived in Orlando. I can remember the weather and the green from the day I arrived in Tennessee. I remember travelers first days at my apartment and picking up roach from the amtrak station. I remember crying on a plane at LAX because leaving Reagan was horrific and going back to my marriage was a fate worse than death. Or how pink my room was.
I hate that some things are blurred. It makes me wish I was the kind of person who keeps scrap books. Not note books filled with scribbles and to do lists and numbers that maybe meant something but don't anymore.
Maybe I'll start writing them down. Maybe they will be better the way I remember them. I try not to think about the awful stuff. By nature I remember good things.
I need a better form of expression. I wasn't the best photographer.
Maybe I'll end up singing the songs that lull you to sleep.
I suppose the next few years could get really easy but that already seems boring. Sometimes I get really afraid that I'm already forgetting all the things I tried to remember. The things that were so important, the things that when they happen you think to yourself 'I'll always remember this'..
It's no secret I'm sensitive and emotionally attached to everything. It makes change really hard. I honestly can't even remember how I up and left Canada as a teenager. I can remember plane rides if I really think about it. I can remember the shirt I was wearing the day I arrived in Orlando. I can remember the weather and the green from the day I arrived in Tennessee. I remember travelers first days at my apartment and picking up roach from the amtrak station. I remember crying on a plane at LAX because leaving Reagan was horrific and going back to my marriage was a fate worse than death. Or how pink my room was.
I hate that some things are blurred. It makes me wish I was the kind of person who keeps scrap books. Not note books filled with scribbles and to do lists and numbers that maybe meant something but don't anymore.
Maybe I'll start writing them down. Maybe they will be better the way I remember them. I try not to think about the awful stuff. By nature I remember good things.
I need a better form of expression. I wasn't the best photographer.
Maybe I'll end up singing the songs that lull you to sleep.
So... something pretty shitty happened. I borrowed my boyfriend's car to make it to my yoga class last Tuesday and got in a pretty brutal wreck on the 580 freeway. I had to be removed from the car by paramedics and firefighters and taken to a hospital by ambulance (which I just received the $2000 bill for). I sprained my neck and right knee and strained my upper back. Which is great because breaking something is kinda of out of my price range in this country. Not that $2000 for a 5 minute ride to the hospital is, but it could be worse.
Worse as in even though it appears the car in front of me stopped dead on the freeway to try and get over to an exit they missed because I hit them the insurance probably won't cover it.
pause... anxiety attack
Anyway, I've been working very hard the past few months at moving in a positive direction in my life. I quit drinking and started a 250 hour (year and a half) foundations of yoga course with hopes to start a teacher training program in a year or so. I started as the nanny to Roach's baby 5 days a week on top of yoga 4 or so times a week. And then this happened. I'm not going to lie, I'm bumming pretty hard on this. It's probably going to end up costing me around $10k I'm guessing. I'm trying not to be overwhelmed but I'm all but bedridden and my injuries are severe and are not keeping me from yoga and study. Truth be told, it's pretty hard not to just cry in a cocoon of comforters night and day.
I don't really know what else to say. Sorry this entry is such a bummer.
Worse as in even though it appears the car in front of me stopped dead on the freeway to try and get over to an exit they missed because I hit them the insurance probably won't cover it.
pause... anxiety attack
Anyway, I've been working very hard the past few months at moving in a positive direction in my life. I quit drinking and started a 250 hour (year and a half) foundations of yoga course with hopes to start a teacher training program in a year or so. I started as the nanny to Roach's baby 5 days a week on top of yoga 4 or so times a week. And then this happened. I'm not going to lie, I'm bumming pretty hard on this. It's probably going to end up costing me around $10k I'm guessing. I'm trying not to be overwhelmed but I'm all but bedridden and my injuries are severe and are not keeping me from yoga and study. Truth be told, it's pretty hard not to just cry in a cocoon of comforters night and day.
I don't really know what else to say. Sorry this entry is such a bummer.
