you cant have your cake & eat it too

sooo tired
i was offered a second job today working photography
im movin on up
(movin on up)
to the east side
heh
ok really
im happy , i need money so this is awesome , & its a perfect step into the direction ive been wanting my life to go in for awhile
i need to sleep tho
again im alone in this house , which i swear to fucking god is haunted

hey
is there a photography group?
ive got my swamp pics uploaded to this pc & i want to have them on here
its 11pm on saturday , & i think im just going to go to bed
ive got kool-aid lemonade & gram crackers

but nothing else
loud noises coming from outside are scaring me
i live in the sticks , we arnt suppose to have noise
great im sure its some crazy come to get me
heh
theres wishful thinking
i sold my first timeshare tour tonight
wow where has my life gone
oh but here is my ode to alone time
& im on the internet so im not really alone

annnyway i miss him & i hurt every second
nobody here understands it
im just another retarted 18yr old
but as he says 'we gonna show em all baby'
so thats it
were gonna make it through this whole being so far & shit
on a stranger note i was hit on so much at work tonight i need to go giggle to myself over how silly it is - some good pick up lines
& i love saying , just to catch them off guard, sorry im getting married
heh
no harm done

ok so i need some moral support in saving money to go to tennessee to visit him , & then money to get to cali

i have such faith that ill get there
im entrepenuring
im being crafty
im wearing a plaster t-shirt & kitty pajamas
i need new hair & to go to a show
*le sigh*
i need to get to my honey

i love my parents soo much
& right now this 4 day old pizza has got my affection too
they are staying in cocoa tonight & i am at home
im sad but it was my idea
i was a little sick of getting asked the same questions about what im doing with my life & not being able to answer witha good enough answer
'following the boy i love to cali wasnt cutting it
*shrug*

never in my life has someone made me feel this way

i need a new piercing , & redoing old piercings doesnt count for this situation , thats is as always , just in my head
i was thinking today about doing my hood
& after i get my left nipple redone im going to get both nipples pierced verticaly
i am just bored i think
mr funk said that before he left for nyc he would do a floral piece on my back which would be so wonderful
i just need something new
blah blah blah
nobody cares
im going to go play with the kid
we are going to have a battle with all his toys on the coffee table

can i be your punk rock princess ?

your sweet just like the sun
but what happens when the sun doesnt stay
the night reminds me of when you went away
now my mind is pacing , heart is racing , contimplating all the things that i lack
leave me once
leave me twice
as the days go by i am asking why did you have to leave
thinking of days , thinking of ways , thinking of things that i should say
will you leave me all alone?
dont say goodbye-dry my eyes
people call me crazy
my thoughts progress as i think about forever
i wish i could drive away to the sun set
to the day when we first met
ps i love you
and now hes gone - time wouldnt let us stay together
2 weeks go by - seems like its been forever
one more thing before i go
to the one who loves me so
happy endings
tears shed hes gone
and all the perfect words they seem so wrong
my heart is torn for all to see
he walks once more out that door
i thought id feel better
i feel like shit
i fall to pieces when your not around
spend all my time trying to figure out
never too early
ill follow my fate
little love was lost
time takes its cost
i feel the same
i just seem to spend more & more time in the end by myslef
its just so much easier then , trying to understand myself
your the life i cant leave behind
evryday my confusion grows
now i feel fine & i feel good
i do admit to myself that if i hurt someone else then ill never see what were meant to be
happy endings

*aar
*na