• meet lou downtown


• go to sf and shop for her new fancy work clothes


• back to oakland


• hang out with julio


• go to first friday(wander downtown oakland)


• sleep


• get pretty


• go to pop's


• drink


• TRIKE RACES!!!


• magic

i've eaten mexican food in some form or another, everyday for probably the last week and a half . life rules.

short and sweet... i have a magical artist friend in new york who is up for a grant and to be featured in the next issue of IdN magazing. you can vote for him here if you are so inclined. i just wanted to throw it out there. takes a few seconds. he is the artist behind 'play nice' should be the top left artist. ch ch check it! j'aime beaucoup!!!
anyway, on to serious business. this weekend is gonna be fun. if i make it through my 10mile bike ride home in this crazy heat. yuck. i'm making roach come out to pop's with me tonight to hang out with lil_tuffy and influence the records he plays
also planning on meeting up with penso and talk picture talk. yes!
k.. some photos for good measure.

smokin' on the back porch

fatty ding dong(icky) likes popsicles
ok lovers, movers, shakers and the rest of you. enjoy this beautiful weekend. i'm sure doing my best to!
ah and follow me if you want... tweet tweet

so.. yesterday i spent the afternoon in the sun infront of the mexican restaurant on 5th ave and 12th street in oakland. most of me was in the shade. not my left arm... my giant pink flower tattoo is swollen and sore and filling me with regret and agony. i need to carry a fucking umbrella when it's sunny. it sucks because i love love love laying in the sun. that good 'ol vitamin d! i'm excited for freckels and tan lines and warm skin. yes! yes! yes!
so saturday i went to sf with roach to see hightower and one in the chamber and had a blast. i got to see my friend jake who i reallllllly have missed a lot. and dig some awesome music. that and mission mexican food at 2am.. which is a good sign you're having a good night, that is if it ends with a successful mexican food hunt! win! the next morning someone(not me) was super hungover so she called out of work to recover and hang out with me on the back porch...

always a good choice!
so once she was better we decided to go to my friend mario's play in west oakland at the noodle factory... check out round belly theatre.. his play is called 'living room' and was really good. i love that i have such amazing and talented friends
speaking of amaizng and talented, i've been spending a lot of time talking to my adorable friend kalvin, he draws monsters ... play nice... he actually does lots of things i like...
alright i'm gonna get back to work...anyone want to recomend a good book? i've read everything in my house and i need a good book. and cross your fingers my fucking arm starts feeling better and the swelling goes away.

btw, riding a bike in a very short sundress is a little(a lot) tricky, but i think i've got it down...

growing em out... too bad they never actually look this good when i'm movin' and shakin'!


yesterday was hard. i was alone a lot and i hate being alone. i cleaned and cried and cleaned and ate food and did laundry. yuck. but then my beloved leila came over and read erotic comics to me and we smoked cigarettes and drank tea and laughed. life is good. i am loved and i have so much happiness and beauty around me. it's good. it's amazing.
tonight i'm going to see my friend jake's band in sf with miss roachie roach at the el rio then tomorrow maybe a lake walk with mr. b and go see my friend mario's play in oakland at the noodle factory.

i'm still not sleeping at night...

it's the tightness in the chest that gets me... the dropping feeling in my stomach like i'm in a lucid falling dream that makes it hard. the tears you can't stop even though you try holding your breath and looking away from nothing. those are the really sad ones. not the uncontrollable sobbing because that isn't happening. just the really hurt, big drops that make your cat lean over the bathtub edge, the ultimate danger to a feline, to nudge into your face. i hate them. they happen on the subway, when i wake up and when someone tells me how amazing and loved i am.
this is shit. but i am not shit. thus, this will pass and i will live. some very mean and very immature fucked up things were said to me... this whole breakup is a fucking stupid circus that i've grown too old for. still, it doesn't make waking up any easier. i haven't talked to him. i'm not sure i should. i was , how they say, cool as fuck about all of this. i tried to put myself in his position. he is younger then me, and i tried to remember what i was like. and now realizing what an asshole i was, i am seeing what an asshole he was. and i can only hope he learns what i did. the golden rule. i also truly hope his ego stops taking him over. he's cute, but cute only gets you so far. when you're ugly on the inside, how long your eyelashes are don't matter one bit.
past all the tears, and stomach aches and refusals of food i am overwhelmed by the love and support i am recieving. when you're in it you believe what they say. that you're shit. that you are some kind of unlovable monster. i am not. i am loveable, i am beautiful and i am way too fucking good for this shit.
my parents did not raise me to be a fucking doormat and it's about time i realized it.

danced to the slackers on thursday night(and looked pretty hot for a recently broken hearted baby btw) stayed out with vic and roach and some others on a mad hunt for mexican food at 3:33am. once found, we were the last people they let get food. roach didn't like her food so much so she tired to give her leftovers to a bum sleeping on a bench. here is where it gets amazing... the dude wearing no shoes and only wearing shorts and a dirty blanket calls her a creep and tells her to get away from him. although i have been really sad the last few days, thinking about a hobo telling my sweet loving best friend she is creepy and to get the fuck away from him for being nice makes me fucking die laughing. he later came up to us (as we were eating on the sidewalk on mission) and got mad at her for either stealing or stepping on his cigarettes. he was a little difficult to understand. hahaha. watching a bum harass your bff is amazing.
i slept 'til 5pm yesterday but i got up today so i think that means i'm going in the right direction. sadly the last two nights i've been drinking. not hammered drunk, more like 'keep me from crying in public edge taker offer' drinks. which is still not good. i can feel myself falling into the old routine. so back to sobriety. sprite at bars and actually dealing with life instead of diluting everything.
last night miss roach and i went to lil_tuffy's poster show for first friday in okland and had fun. we then crossed the street to the uptown which was full of a buuunch of weirdos and the vibe was all off so we went back to misfit island to watch movies in bed. i'm pretty sure i was out within the first few minutes. i'm trying to keep busy and live life this time instead of nesting in my house like i did last break up. so if you're around and up for an advenutre message me.
today we might go to something that requires physical activity. walking up buena vista or around north beach to my fave little record shop.
send me your happy positive energy, i kinda need it.
thanks for all the support. i feel like my life is very much an open book here... and it is always well recieved. if i didn't have an sg journal to write in i'd be goin' broke with the therapy bills.