Quinne's August 27, 2011 blog

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Saturday blog

AUGUST 27, 2011 @ 11:07 PM

I get banged up a lot like a pinky toe.
I suppose the next few years could get really easy but that already seems boring. Sometimes I get really afraid that I'm already forgetting all the things I tried to remember. The things that were so important, the things that when they happen you think to yourself 'I'll always remember this'..
It's no secret I'm sensitive and emotionally attached to everything. It makes change really hard. I honestly can't even remember how I up and left Canada as a teenager. I can remember plane rides if I really think about it. I can remember the shirt I was wearing the day I arrived in Orlando. I can remember the weather and the green from the day I arrived in Tennessee. I remember travelers first days at my apartment and picking up roach from the amtrak station. I remember crying on a plane at LAX because leaving Reagan was horrific and going back to my marriage was a fate worse than death. Or how pink my room was.
I hate that some things are blurred. It makes me wish I was the kind of person who keeps scrap books. Not note books filled with scribbles and to do lists and numbers that maybe meant something but don't anymore.
Maybe I'll start writing them down. Maybe they will be better the way I remember them. I try not to think about the awful stuff. By nature I remember good things.
I need a better form of expression. I wasn't the best photographer.
Maybe I'll end up singing the songs that lull you to sleep.

entese

Germany

February 2011

AUG 28, 2011 01:04 AM

i think is really healty always remember the good things

ron4164

Ponchatoula, LA

January 2007

AUG 28, 2011 02:53 AM

Better to remember the good times.

Jaxy

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

AUG 28, 2011 07:03 AM

I'm emotionally attached to everything and never remember a thing as well.

I always buy the stuff to create scrapbooks... and the notebooks to write journals... nothing ever comes of it.

mellon

USA

October 2004

AUG 28, 2011 08:57 AM

You are the product of all that history. How important are the details? They're a lot of work to carry around. You seem to be not dwelling on the problem you were talking about in your previous blog. I think that's pretty cool, if it's true. If you get really good at remembering, you'll just be another old elephant. The more effort you put into recording things, the less effort you will put into living them.

That said, singing sounds great.

Lyxzen

SUICIDEGIRL

Oregon, USA

AUG 28, 2011 10:40 AM

Sending positive vibes your way, darlin. It's hard now, but you'll get it all figured out in time. xo!

Mirima

I'm lost

August 2009

AUG 28, 2011 06:58 PM

I think this is a wonderful blog...full of necessary emotion. You seem like such a strong person, and I know you'll find your way, and I know you'll discover some way to remember all the things you want to remember. When I was in high school, my senior year I carried around a tape recorder. It was better than writing in a yearbook. I got to record fun times and conversations I had with my dear friends. Sometimes I'll pop the tapes in and listen to who I used to be. I've changed a lot since then, but it's nice to remember a time when things were simpler.

legman

Portland, OR

February 2006

AUG 28, 2011 11:34 PM

MASierra

USA

May 2006

AUG 29, 2011 11:03 AM

I don't keep up with blogs but it sounds like you are coming to a turning point in your life which is causing you to reflect on your decisions that led you to where you are. I've gone through this same thing since I joined the military in 2006. I was 19. I was angry, confused, upset, and just not in a very great place. I've been over seas throughout this whole time period. It sucked having to go through this feeling alone. It wasn't until last year did I come to terms with everything. I didn't figured it all out, but I learned to accept it.

The point I'm getting to is I can't say I understand your exact situation, but I've been through similar. I don't expect you to email but if you need someone to just talk to, please feel free.