Holy FUCK I have been having a rough week. (read this first to understand what's going on: )

So I posted that other thread about my deteriorating health right. Well my UTI that I had actually DID turn to sepsis... but there was nothing i could do about it because i had booked the earliest appt at the clinic i could next week, and that was 2 weeks ago because they were all booked until then. and as stupid as this sounds, i just didnt want to go to emergency because ive seriously had to go in so many times, i am going to be in debt for decades because of it, and i simply told myself last time: "If you keep going to the hospital over and over you're not learning your lesson.if you fuck up NEXT time, dont even bother going to emergency services... because as long as you keep getting babied and being saved from trouble, all you'll be doing is wasting everybody's time and your money." call it harsh if you will, but i say its time for self-discipline.

i mean, everything had been leading up to it... all the signs... how could i not have caught on?

so it goes like this. starting 3 days ago i had been having imminent and very explosive, runny diarrhea despite the fact that i had been using heroin to keep me stabilized. i couldnt explain it, and called the gastroentologist to get a colonoscopy exam done. i was convinced i had food poisoning or an intestinal parasite or something. another thing i had noticed in this week in particular, is that i have been having HUGE inflammatory response in all of my injection spots. all of them were spreading too in an infectious manner, until i basically swabbed with an antiseptic and then coated the affected swollen areas with antibiotic cream. i then recall the methadone clinic mentioning that my WBC counts were higher than normal, and that my body was also alkaline, but i simply dismissed it something that was related to my UTI. naturally, i also figured the elevated BUN/creatinine levels were attributed to just that; a urinary tract infection and nothing more. these were all in fact, symptoms that were attributed to sepsis that had been slowly building up--and this also definitely explained the hyperglycemia, abnormal EKG (although when i got the fever i had brief tachycardia as opposed to sinus bradycardia), not to mention slow as hell respiratory rate that would exhaust me even after the simplest of activities (IE walking up a flight of stairs, going outside to check my mail) http://www.kcom.edu/faculty/chamberlain/Website/lectures/lecture/sepsis.htm

anyways, who else but my friend who had OVERDOSED was at my house. i guess my "talk" with him about getting serious really struck him, and he appeared back at my doorstep asking me to enroll him in school so he could do something valuable with his life. i couldnt believe that i had influenced him, i felt so happy for him. he warned that he wasnt very smart and he was getting too old for construction and was really getting sick of manual labor anyway, so i mentioned that i could definitely help him if he attended school for medical training. for somebody of his credentials and GPA, i suggested that he start out with a vocation school (keep in mind this fucker hasn't been in school a LOOOONG ass mo'fucken time, it's been like at least 20 years). anyways, i suggest he take this 3 to 6 month course in PHLEBOTOMY--because it was something i KNEW he would be good at, and he wouldnt get bored of doing all day, not to mention working in a laboratory setting was definitely something that had appealed to him, but he thought he was incapable of, due to inconfidence... which is understandable, considering he wasn't really exactly the best student in bio, chem, and anatomy--although he excelled in mathematics and physics. hence why he made a great architect. hence why he would like playing with toys such as vacuum pressured needles to draw blood, infusion sets, winged catheters... (i'll take a picture of a home-made IV catheter that we both made to inject a couple hundred milligrams of phenobarbital powder one time. the amount we used required at least 3mL of fluid each, and it knocked us both right out--that was probably the coolest paraphernalia i've ever made out from scratch.

anyways thats WAY besides the point, sorry i got sidetracked because im just so proud of my friend. he's out looking for a job as we speak and pawning off things he doesn't need, trying to sell his truck, to gain enough money to get him on his fees and make him financially dependent so he can focus on studies for a short term.

well, after hours of looking on the computer for jobs that paid at least in the double digits and making phone call after phone call, i suddenly became very sleepy and THATS when the fever hit me, HARD. i decided to lie down and maybe take a nap because it happened while my friend was showering. but everytime i reach the point of JUST falling to the point of sleep, at least one or two of my limbs would jerk violently waking me up in an instant. this behavior has been going on for day 3 now (and this is seriously with no stimulants either, i've been only doing h and metadone and only fell asleep like 4 hours after that shot of pheno).. so at this point i just feel completely delirious from the sleep deprivation alone. i started hallucinating in the bed and see a cloud hovering above me, and from this cloud a pair of hands come reaching out to grab me and draw me upwards with them... i can almost feel as if i am being lifted and dragged towards the sky, but then the hands drop me and the cloud circles another group of gloomy looking clouds which all continue to circle me above my head.

yes, at this point i realize i was having nightmarish hallucinations, but im trying to explain to you just how high my fever was. i live in the desert, and i started getting chills to the point i would be wearing winter sweats with ugg boots, i had the heated blanket wrapped around me.

as soon as my friend hopped out of the shower his first words were: "Oh no..." he knew i wasnt in good condition. i was curled up in the bed, lying on my back with a dstant look in the eyes, trembling from the chills, and he knew about my UTI that i had been diagnosed with several weeks ago, and how i was postponing treatment due to lack of resources (and again, yes i cant stress enough that it is unwise but sometimes you are left with no option) well, it just so happens that my friend's brother died from sepsis that had all started because of an infection that had started from his leg. he left it untreated and refused to go to the hospital when urged by his wife and that very same day he died in his sleep.

due to this reason, my brother's niece (the daughter of his brother that had died) always had learned to see doctors for ANY suspected infection, and was constantly getting prescribed numerous supplies of antibiotics. he called her up and she said that the only one that she had left was cephalexin 500mg. i've had them before for cellulitis infection--its not as good as septra DS or bactrim, but i knew it 'd definitely keep me holding on for at LEAST 5 days until i have my appointment. so he drove 30 miles out of his way to his niece''s, so i could at least hinder or slow down at least one of the infections in my body, until i get treatment for the rest.

man, i could have died had my friend who had almost died that i resuscitated had been there to help me. talk about ifull on irony. its not even all this hassle that's been fucking with my head hardcore. it's this whole turnout of events. SYNCHRONICITY--the coinciding of two seemingly unrelated events. and yet, this is such a prime example of karma that i cant shake it. in my case, this truly was an eye for an eye--a life for a life. had i chosen to have acted selfishly and never saved my friend from dying from a heroin overdose, he wouldn't have been there to save me from total organ failure at the VERY FIRST sign of symptoms. sepsis is so serious approximately 50% of people who get it die in the hospital--amounting to roughly 500,000 a year--so it is of utmost importance that you get it treated at the very first stage for the best chance at full recovery. if this isnt karma at its finest, i truly dont know what is. now i honestly feel like i've been given first-hand evidence, that there is, in fact, a reason, a purpose, for all of the consequences we must face in life. they are tests that you must pass by showing off your true character, and only then will you be rewarded.

Speaking of which, I also just got promoted to a higher position at the hospital I work at, so I'll be damned if I ain't gonna get a paid vacation to a nation of my choice. And I've already decided--this year, I've chosen to spend my days in Budapest (of course I'll stop by my friend's place in Sweden and we would hit up Denmark and go sailing), so uhhhh fuck yeah, I'm alive and here I cuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! (unless somebody can recommend a better city in the land of Hungary)

Until then, keep truckin on my bruthaz...