Comme chacun sait, à moins de ne pas savoir, je suis quelqu'un qui se pose beaucoup de questions.
Aujourd'hui là maintenant, je vise deux problèmes qui demandent réponses ou quiétude dans mon esprit :

1 - détricoter ma jalousie. En imaginant qu'une masse de fils détricotée sur le sol soit plus utile qu'un joli pull avec de jolies mailles.

2 - gérer mon stress devant l’agressivité d'un wesh m'insultant dans une rame bondée de la ligne 2 ou 13 (fonctionne aussi pour le nord de la ligne 4).

Je cherche réellement des réponses. Si vous avez des avis tapez #, pour les autres vous pouvez m'envoyer votre soutien ou votre pitié/mépris via paypal.

Des éléments de réponses pour le 2 :

Forcément il y a plusieurs de possibilités, mais mon corps ne l'entend pas de la même manière. Ainsi la réponse "ça ne sert à rien de s’énerver" s'avère quelque peu inappropriée.
J'observe ce que mon corps a programmé comme réflexes défensifs, et franchement c'est vraiment de la merde. Il se sent mal, a du mal à respirer, sent son coeur battre vite et fort, a envie de pleurer et s'apprête à faire une crise d'angoisse (s'écrouler sur le sol avec des spasmes et des pleurs puis s'auto-flagelle de pensées négatives). Généralement je "prends sur moi" ou je crois "calmer mon énervement", là ou parfois j'accumule un sentiment d'humiliation qui fait fuir ma confiance en moi tel de l'urine dans la vessie d'un incontinent. Putain si j'avais su que c'était aussi naze de fonctionner comme ça j'aurai tout de suite arrêter de regarder Princesse sarah en mangeant du Nutella en revenant de l'école.
Je n'ai pas pris pour habitude d'insulter les gens, contrairement à ce qu'on pourrait croire, donc là j'ai essayé d'usiter cette méthode dans ma tête, mêlant évidemment clichés racistes et humour sanglant à base d'égorgement hallal fait de viande de petits weshs, inutile de préciser que je ne finirai pas mon assiette et ferai beaucoup de gâchis. Je précise pour les gardiens de la bien pensance et pour entretenir le trouble chez ceux qui pensent que je suis raciste qu'un sort similaire, mais décliné sous des thèmes et des ambiances différentes sera élaboré pour chaque groupe d'individus de l'espère humaine.
Cette méthode m'a permis d'évacuer un certain stress. Mais ce n'est pas la solution. Voter Mareine la Pine ? non ça ne changera rien au problème, j'ai pas envie de raquer pour me faire avorter. Voter la gauche molle qui voudrait éduquer ces singes ? non plus. Prendre des cours de systema ou de Krav Maga, mhm... j'ai envie de garder la souplesse et la tendresse de mes mains pour l'art de la broderie... Ecouter du negativ Hardcore en chantant et dansant sur du Kickback ?

Bref comme dirait l'autre ténia de l’émission préférée des branleurs (il y en a beaucoup sur ce site, puisque c'est le concept du site), je me pose des questions.

Love !
Pseekaal Qaida.

Hello people !

I wish you spend good time on the last holidays !

My lovely boyfriend is at work and I'm at home working on my projects : my never-finished fashion design portfolio, my drawings, my sewings, my embroideries, my photographies... I had to write some new mails for job research etc...

My thougths are flotting on my heads... When I catch them I can tell you what is about. It is nothing crazy, nothing difficult, it should be the quotidien of some of you.

From my Parisian sky I wish to walk through the mountains and the forest. I wish to discover the present time in watching the nature and learn about it. I want to stop and draws some plants and flowers. Someone would explain the name and the life of the flowers. I want to walk along some old ruins, and enter into the past through some old stones decorated by a hand of old Tradition. I want to visit some church or another pagan's place and look at some drawings inside this. I want to eat some terroir food, with the taste of savoir faire. When the evening would color the mountain in dark and animals's noise I wish to enter in a warmy tavern with lot of passionate people, I will drink some strange and local alcool and will laugh with friends in the smell of a burning wood in a chimnay. There will be some musicians who playing some dark folk songs with strange accoustic instruments. The lyrics will be happy just for glorify the nature and not for imposed a fake and naiv happiness because we all knows that times are hard but we can go through them not with negationnism and liars but with the beauty of sensibility, emotions and the counsciousness. We will learning with our differences and don't know the rivality or the need to be noisy, stupid and opportun to feel exists.


The music could be "festiv" or sad and looks like In gowan Ring song's :



I wish you a happy new year, with sweet concrete dreams in default to find the calm and the total happiness !

XXX

°°Hello SG community°°

I wish you are fine, don't forget to drink hot tisane with citron and honney.

//discipline//

Everyday is a competition to get better. Better with myself, better with my mood.
I start some hypnotherapie lesson and it is great. It take five years for me to call the number my best friend gives to me.

I don't know if it is the Hasard but I feel better in some way, but I work on my social phobia who is a real difficulty to search a job. First step : not to be sad because people can't understand my social phobia. Not to be hurt when they are really mean. Now I just want to think that they are in other reality, and if they can't understant sensible world, it is not my deal. Es is nicht mein kampf.

I'm in search about a certain discipline : artistic and physical. It is three years now I practice Tai Chi chuan, sadly it is less and less, this year it is just 1h30 per week. I have to practice alone on my own. I have practice this morning, but it isn't every morning.
I want to practice another exercice with my voice, because I have difficulty to speak with people. My hypnotherapeute said it could be great to read alone in high voice (I don't know the expression in english...) with a big accent, I wish I have the discipline to do it everyday.
I wish to learn some song, but it is one month I said that and don't learn a song.
Each day I want to practice my drawings. It is like a musician, a dancer, if we don't practice we loose our win.

//embroidery//

Thoses last days I'm really into embroidery. I love it.
Like lot of things I discover this older. When I was a child I was really outside cultural things with my family, they don't share any thing, the children and the adults don't speak to each other, we just have to watch TV (I adored it but today I hate it) and the go out was when we eat to McDonald's (I loved it, but now I hate it).
I remembre I visit the Textile museum in Lyon (the silk french city) when I was 19 and fall in love with liturgic embroidery.
Those last years, I come more and more into martial/militaria stuff. And I really enjoy the militaria embroidery.
I love that but I'm really not a christian or a militarist. I'm kind of sad because of the war. Sad because of the wrong inudstrial reason of the war. Industry and capitalism already kill our everyday life in peacefull country, we are colonised by capitalism and it just afford miserability for more and more poor people. If 2 people get richer for 10 people more poor, it can't be a good deal.

//love//

I have a wonderfull boyfriend too.He is so sweet, so nice. I don't know that human could be nice with me, patient, listen to me. When I was younger I thought that to be with bad people gets me stronger, but it wasn't. I loose more and more my selfconfidence. How can I feel strong in a violent context ? I wish people would be more and more sweet, but strong to feel defensive when violent people or powerfull people (politician, boss company, comercial people, liars...) would dominate them.

//brooch//

I update my broochs 's shop. Please take a look and don't hesitate to said something.

I continue to doing some broochs, but thanks to my boyfriend, I feel more confident to do personnal stuffs :




//embroidery 2//

I look to lot of website and go to the BPI (the library of the centre pompidou) to look at more delicate embroidery :













I want to try another new technique for me : the crochet de Lunéville and the goldwork.
So I bought some canetilles and the crochet, but my first step wans't goos because I realize how difficult it was.








//draws//


I didn't find the time to draw when I do embroidery, but I try to do my best and you can check my last drawings on my blog :

Hello,
Thank you for your comments and for those who are always commenting even if I never answered.

This week in Paris was the fashion week. I don't know in the inside this period but I really like it. Lot of foreigners comes in Paris and we can meet different people. I'm tired about the people I always meet in Paris, I'm tired about Paris and the precarity. (even if it is may worse in different countries and in America for example, but it looks better in Germany).

This week end there is a fashion film festival in Centre Pompidou. i enjoy to see it, it is really inspiring.

I visit Versailles few days ago, for a exhibition about the XVIIIeme century's costume and the influences on the actual Haute Couture. it was so beautiful (but a little bit tiny).

I recommand the Hussein Chalayan exhibition too, he's a fashion designer from Chypre but really conceptual and he use technology on his clothes it is fantastic. Nothing is more fantastic for me than fashion design.

Here are the most recents pictures of me I took. Hope you like it.

Kiss !!









Have a good day !

I have the feelling I can meet more people who are loving Coil in Chatelet les Halles (popular quarter of Paris) than on Suicide Girls.



I removed some pictures of my MR last set, but you can still love it !