I can't begin to explain how weird it was to read my archival message. I shed a few tears over it, that's for sure. After almost 6 years on the site, it was a very difficult decision to make, but at the time, I knew it was the absolute best thing. The situation I was dealing with was just too painful, and being on SG, where the other two parties happen to be, was seriously rough on me. As much restraint as I had, maintaining composure and civility was next to impossible. Too many hard feelings, too many reminders, you know? Weeks later, I've dealt with the impulse to attack, and feel much more positively about the situation. Though I'm absolutely dreading the first time I have to see she has a new photoset live. Blagh. Oops. Guess that just happened. Great timing on my part.

In reality tho, I'm kind of glad all that deceit happened, because I was finally able to let go. It's difficult to cut someone of 4 years out of your life. Especially when you've had a year of on and off and back on again long distance relationship stuff. It's pretty easy to romance the notion of it. But much like my layoff back in October, it was a blessing in disguise. Through the lies and things he left out, there was a substantial reason to finally end it, end all the I love you talks every night, all of that. No lingering feelings. I was actually able to finally move on, which I wanted to do, but just couldn't. So for that, I'm glad it all happened.

This entire situation did make me stronger, and more than anything, showed me how amazing my friends are. d20 came right over when I called crying. He didn't even ask why. zamn came over and hung out all day, even while I moped and borderline cried too often. Most important though, is jaylin. I tear up each time I think of how amazing she is, and how I could never have gotten through any of this if she wasn't around. Her positivity and comfort carried me through everything. Each time I had a weak moment, she reminded me of the cruelty of the situation. She kept me from being weak, from reaching for the phone to call, from accepting the situation and blame. I owe her so much for helping me through the manipulation and blame game. Jaylin is pretty much the best friend and sister anyone could possibly have. Regardless of any fights we have, any words we yell, at the end of the day, none of it matters. I love her to pieces.

And I should give Bob some thanks as well. She helped me put things into perspective and comes to some much needed realizations.

Friends are everything in the end.

I'd like to throw in some less heavy shit in here.. but at the moment, it's what I'm feeling, and what I need my entry back to say. I'm so glad to be back on SG, despite not being gone for that long. Thanks so much to missy and sean for understanding and letting me take that much needed break.

xoxo!