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What do you do when all you want to do is go back, but there's no going back? Immersed in new world without the one person you really want to share it all with. Moving away had the opposite effect of what I had hoped. It's really amazing how easily something, or someone, can be taken for granted, disrespected, ignored. It's only after they're gone that everything is clear.
He was pretty much the most amazing man ever. Not to make him sound dead or anything though. He's perfect in most every way. Good looking, stylish, brilliant, and a fantastic sense of humor. He had the best personality of anyone I've ever met. The ability to light up a room as soon as he entered, if only due to him acting like a hilarious ass. I've never been able to be more myself than in his company. All the little things I saw as flaws, he saw as perfections. He'd come home with random tiny surprises. Tiny surprises that meant more than anything large and expensive could. My fuzzy blanket. We shared so much in common. He loved the food I cooked, and supported it even when it didn't taste so good. He loved me, even if I hadn't showered in two days, had straggly hair, dirty glasses and a box of embarrassing medicine in my hand. His family was amazing, and I miss them as much as I miss being around him all of the time. He made great sacrifices, and stayed strong and by my side through really tough times. I hate to sound uber cliche, but I feel like he was my soul mate, and I let him go, I pushed him away, I tossed him out. All my fault.
Now I just feel mostly empty if not for the heavy feeling of regret and self hate. Just waiting till the next time we happen to see other. Going through the daily motions.. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
JUN 29, 2008 08:07 PM
I'm so sorry darlin. Maybe you should say something to him? I don't know the situation, but as rough as it is now... it always gets better. Time heals all wounds. I hope you perk up, buttercup 
JUN 29, 2008 08:08 PM
I will save all the normal, "Well, it wasn't meant to be", or, "Time will heal, blah, blah", and just stick with this. I am sorry to hear that. I hope you find what you are looking for 
JUN 29, 2008 08:14 PM
JUN 29, 2008 08:15 PM
JUN 29, 2008 08:27 PM
Tell him how you feel or you will regret it for a long time, b/c I do I let my soul mate go Everyday I wish I didn't 
Good luck sweetie
JUN 29, 2008 08:29 PM
I didn't even know you had split up. I'm so sorry honey. As you said, I hate to sound cliche...but maybe it's just not meant to work out right now? maybe sometime in the future it will be right. (that is, if you want it to be)
I hope you feel better soon. you're strong and beautiful, I'm sure you'll be alright.
MrsTed_Stryker
I'm lost
January 2007
JUN 29, 2008 08:30 PM
We dont know each other from adam. You have been on my friends list for a year and we have never spoken. Actually, although I am pretty embarrassed to say cuz I know I sound stupid but you really ARE my favorite SG.
I digress...
I have the greatest guy ever. He treats me like i have prayed to be treated my whole life. And i constantly push him away. Sometimes we push away what we really want because of fear. Maybe fear of finally not having to search anymore or fear of getting hurt. Whatever the reason we do it.
bedwelld is right. I know at one point I wished my guy would act like an idiot to get me back. What ended up happening? I totally did and he laughed and forgave me and now we are happy.
You will get a LOT of this but I mean it, if you wanna talk PM me.... I give good advice because I usually advise what I would love to do but am too scared to attempt!
Feel better!
JUN 29, 2008 08:37 PM
I'm sorry about all that. That's rough. Whatever you do, don't get caught up in self-loathing and playing "woulda coulda shoulda". All that does is get you in a rut, a vicious circle that's hard to break. Instead, you need to do something - like get him back if you can. I let someone special get away once and I've regretted it ever since.
If not, spend as much time as possible with your friends, like Jaylin, and doing things that excite/interest you (instead of "going through the motions").
JUN 29, 2008 08:40 PM
listen I do the same thing ..i'm cute, fun and awesome.....but love being single, but get flirted upon , so not a word, but the moral of the story is i haven't stumble across my jane doe even though i get happy and jolly from potentials to be and its exciting ever time and then some. are you living i n SF? my best friend is currently in Pacifica 
JUN 29, 2008 09:03 PM
I really like ericwine's advice. Spend as much time as possible with me.
Things will get better. I promise.
I think a Napa trip will cure this rut we're both in ... eh??
JUN 29, 2008 09:39 PM
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JUN 29, 2008 10:10 PM
it sucks to know that u let sumthin go like that.......oh the hard life lessons....I guess things like this prepare you for the future ones....wish you all the best lovely
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