I'm not ashamed of being naked on SuicideGirls. I used to say on the internet, but in reality, it's just SuicideGirls. It's not ALL over the internet. It isn't forty sites. It isn't any site that will take me. It isn't even hardcore, or offensive naked times. I made the decision to do this 3 years ago. Exactly 3 years ago, in fact. I haven't got an impressive story. I wasn't trying to change the world of pornography with feminism or any of that bullshit. I'm not making "art". I applied to see if they'd stopped accepting girls, because a friend was rejected. Armed with my Pentax Optio and a makeshift tripod, I shot my first set. Low and behold, I was accepted. At this time, I certainly was not comfortable with nakedness. I was a really shy girl. Very quiet. Afraid of doing things alone. So I figured that in doing this, in doing something very, very unlike me, I would grow and develop. The experience of shedding that layer, and putting my insecurities on display on such a positive platform would help me gain confidence and lose those inhibitions. Be a proud and healthy sexual woman.

Of course, that is exactly what happened. I told my mom and my sister. They were both happy for me. My sister even checked out the site. My sister is late 40s, please, no pervy sister comments. Over the past three years, so much has happened. I have had so many opportunities, things I'd never have access to, had I not met certain people, or been involved in certain things. Met so many brilliant, and lifelong friends, and really interesting people. Developed abilities I didn't realize I had (like writing (alongside Wil fucking Wheaton) and not posing nude). Traveled, and tackled my fear of big change, and new cities. All because of my decision to be on SuicideGirls. I mean, I still giggle when I see the cover of the Black Heart Retrospective CD, and know that that is me. I've also shed a whole lot of naivety. I mean seriously. I really wish I could explain that in more detail. I've learned that self-worth is just so important, not only that, but also knowing and staying true to yourself, and I've certainly got a hold of that.

You can easily say that someone doesn't respect, nor value themselves if they take their clothes off online, but why does a body have to affect that so much? Shouldn't a person's worth be taken from everything they do and are as a whole? Their motivations, their life experience, their everyday life, their intellect and personality? Not that they once took off their clothes proudly? But I know, perfect world and all of that.

In the end, all I have is myself, and I feel beyond content in knowing that I am far, far more than just a naked body with a fake name on SuicideGirls.

xo.

Posh, the first time out:



And unashamed, most recently:



ps. Vox is pretty neat. I approve. Now if only I could tweak the sidebars with my own selection of APIs. Hope it is in the works!

pps. Decemberists' The Crane Wife is the best album I've heard all year.