“Ok. Let's do this. Poe is great for a number of reasons. She sucks for almost as many reasons, but not quite as many as the ones she rules for. First off, we met at a Winn Dixie in Short Pump, Va. I was a bookkeeper there, and she got hired as a cashier. I knew she was a weirdo from the moment I first laid eyes on her, but we were both kind of antisocial, so instead of talking and giggling like other girls do, we passed notes and exchanged feedback on poetry. Tres lesbo, but I assure you, we both love the cock. Eventually, she became a bookkeeper as well, and we worked there long enough to steal what is probably a combined booty of 12 grand from the company using infallible methods of bookkeeping theivery. The only time Poe ever got caught for stealing anything was when the night manager caught her walking out of the store with a cucumber that she didn't even mean to steal. It was a necessary tool for the spell she was going to cast on her jerk ex boyfriend to make him impotent. Anyway, she totally got in trouble for accidentally stealing a cucumber even thought we never got caught for stealing dvds, cartons of smokes, lottery tickets, people's western union money, phony refunds, etc etc. I know this sounds outlandish so far, but trust me, every word of this is true. Anyway, I jumped ahead of myself with the cucumber story. The first time we ever hung out, she died my hair purple and then started to get googley eyes for me because I vaguely resembled Maynard James Keenan. It was kind of eery. I haven't let it grow long or dyed it purple since. Anyway, after that magical night where we stained my bathtub purple, the magical nights never stopped. We moved into an apt together maybe a year or so later, and spent a year and 1/2 there trashing it beyond repair. We now owe 6000 dollars to Remax which they'll be waiting for forever. Before we got evicted from the "Cradle of Filth" we failed to pay our power bill and lived without power for a good month in the middle of winter. No light, no heat, no hot water. For a month. We were at rock bottom at this point. No money. No power. No food, really. FREEZING COLD NIGHT. An apt stinking of catshit because we couldn't SEE to clean the litter boxes. (this was not a well lit apt). We did try to steal power from this one hallway outlet for a while. We blew a fuse considering we had two extention cords running from this one outlet, one to her room and one to mine. Both extention cords were connected to power supplies and the power supplies were fully loaded...clocks, tvs, HEATERS, radios, phones.....so yeah. Eventually, our power stealing came to an end. We arrived home one day to find that the extention cords had been chopped off at the socket part. FUCKING FREAKED US OUT. No note saying "Please don't steal power from us" just murdered extention cords. Our hearts sank. Upon eviction, we both moved in with psychos for two months while our new house was being prepared for us to move in. The psycho I lived with chopped up my bedroom furniture with an ax and used it as firewood. The psycho she lived with ended up trying to hurt her and then filing countercharges against her and getting the paddywagon to arrest her in the parking lot of the 711 where I currently worked. The psycho she lived with and dated is also the most recent psycho that I've dated which proves only that I am a moron. I will stop talking now. You get the idea. We're badass. For the Poe/Tryst tour of Richmond, you must go to these places. Don't forget your camera.

1. Winn Dixie. Short Pump, Va. 12450 Gayton Rd.
2. Pony Pasture - James River
3. 503A West Grace Street. Richmond, Va 23221.
4. Godfreys. Richmond, Va
5. tba.”

“Poe was right.”