SuicideGirl: Pistolita
suicidegirl

Pistolita puts the "ego" in Oregon and the "tan" in Montana

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JULY 21, 2009 @ 08:02 PM | 37 COMMENTS


On another note from previous blog....

Maybe this is heaven.




It's hard giving up pieces of ones' self, but perhaps it's a test in my life.

<3
JULY 21, 2009 @ 01:54 PM | 36 COMMENTS


My life is stuck at a crossroads.

Let me start this blog by saying that I absolutely adore my son, and would do anything for him, including giving up all my freedoms and loves for the rest of my life if it meant it would keep him happy and healthy.

But my life is incomplete. Although this may seem impossible to most, I loved dancing. I loved preforming. I loved the rise from the crowd, the response from the bar when I'd take the stage, the quality time with the other dancers offstage, the love and friendship of the barstaff, and of course the money. Now, I know the money isn't what it used to be, with the recession and all. But that doesn't keep me from missing it.

I didn't feel talented at anything in life until I started dancing. And I don't mean.. walking on stage and taking my clothes off with a disgusted look..talent. I mean.. preformance, music, movement, color, presence, interaction, pole work, costume... talent. I loved my job. It showed. People loved to watch me. People liked the way my body expressed the music running in my veins. Now, I spend my days at home, alone with my sewing machine. Except for my son, I honestly do nothing. I feel like I'm wasting my life. I feel like I've let all the nay-sayers in my life take over and tell me what is "appropriate" and whats "not appropriate".

I'm constantly stuck between being a stripper mom, and living with the stereotypes those bestow, along with the tension from family and my boyfriend... and feeling completely lost and untalented, bored and lonely. Do I stand up for myself and say.. "fuck you world, I was born to dance, I love it and I'm proud"... or do I sit back quietly and allow the golden years of my life to pass me by wondering what could have been? I understand how my job could be hurtful to family and loved ones, but am I here to make everyone else happy? I would never want to do something that hurt my son, but I also wouldn't want it coming back to affect him later. But do I give up my life? Is that the message that I want to send to my child? "If you love to do something that most people think is weird, should you stop doing it because the majority says so?"

This blog is going no where I wanted it too. I'm puke-blogging. Just trying to regurgitate it out till I find an answer. My heart says to follow it, and my head says be a good girl.

I tried to focus my energy and time into my clothing, hoping that would bring in business, and circulate, and people would be in love with my clothing, therefore feeding my need to be involved with the outside world somehow. Well it's failed to do any of those things. So I sit... and deliberate.

This is exactly what my Medusa/Athena tattoo represents. The constant fight raging inside me. Athena representing the "strong" woman, made in the image of a man, or rather, societies patriarchal view of women and how they should be... and Medusa, the wild, untamed product of her environment thats cursed with killing everything she sees.

Do I make myself happy and suffer the consequences and hurt of those around me?

or....

Do I remain a stay at home mom and loathe each day of boredom, become jealous and spiteful at myself for not taking the opportunity for what might have been?
JULY 9, 2009 @ 10:24 PM | 36 COMMENTS


JUNE 21, 2009 @ 11:44 AM


HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!
It's Ben's first. He got BBQ'd steaks last night. A breakfast burrito and Starbucks for breakfast. He got to sleep in... and he's getting a massage on Wednesday. He made out pretty good, I'd say smile

WHAT HAS PISTOLITA BEEN UP TO?!
Well, you know, besides birthing, I've been busier than ever with my sewing business. Its been booming, and in demand moreso now than ever. I'm stoked and have opened a few doors up. I've been showing a lot at fashion shows. Here are a few recent pictures of my clothing:


Model: Rocket
Photography: DangerNinja
Design: Scorpio - $100


Model: Ciciley
Photography: DangerNinja
Design: Pistolita bikini - $45


Models: yours truly, Jackie, Adora
Photography: TG Photo
Designs: Ava dress - $60, Gwen bikini - $45, Natalie bikini $45


Models: yours truly, Jackie, Adora
Photography: TG Photo
Design: Ava dress - $60


Model: Kellie Lou
Photography: DangerNinja
Design: Cherry Onesie - $50


Model: Ajilee
Photography: AlissaBrunelli
Design: Gwen bikini - $45

Much much more on my Etsy!

MORE LEVI PICTURES!!!!

Sleepy


Hungry


Sleepy and hungry. Levi tries to find a nipple on EVERYTHING!

So that is what I've been up to. And working at Sassy's as a cocktail. I'm loving it. Life is good.

besos y pesos,
<3 Pistolita
JUNE 11, 2009 @ 03:56 PM



A big "fuck you" to the person who tagged my pregnancy set as "wrecked body". I call this photo "Fuck You, 2 months post pardom"

I want to shoot more. smile

<3

Videos of Levi!!!
JUNE 1, 2009 @ 04:14 PM


Lately it seems that my life is divided into two categories. Big "ups" to things, and big "downs" to things. By ups, I mean: props, kudos, hell yahs. By downs, I mean: boos, wah-wahs, and WTF's. For instance....

BIG UPS

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Single Parents - For anyone who has a child, or is going to have a child, or even baby sat a child.. take into consideration being a single parent. Whatever the circumstance of why a parent is single, I salute your efforts in trying to raise a child on your own. And I mean people who are trying to do right by it. Not crack addicts who don't know who the father is, and therefore is a single parent. I mean legit, single parents. My mother was a single mom from the time I was 2 till 6. Huge respect. Massive respect.

Portland Weather - Although I don't have AC, and will probably regret this "ups" in the next week or so, I am just going to say "fuck yes" to the weather. It has been nothing but beautiful for the last week. Even this thunderstorm thats rolling in is going to be awesome.

My Friends - for making my birthday the best one since my 21st. Seriously. Best birthday ever. We had dinner at the Delta Cafe (southern soul food), then went to watch the UFC fights, and to Sassy's for some boobage. Ian, my now boss and friend, hooked us up with the VIP balcony, even though it was packed and there were only 4 of us.. two of us weren't even drinking. They still gave us VIP. Amazing. I walked into Sassy's and the DJ cuts the music to say "Whaddup Pistolita". I LOVE that bar. It's my Cheers. But with hot naked girls.

Gift Cards - People think they make tacky gifts.. but I find them totally appropriate in every way possible.

My Clothing Line - I'm starting a brand new line, of LATEX. Yes, Latex. Latex and Lycra. It's going to melt faces. But for now, you can become a fan of my clothing on Facebook!. I've had so many photoshoots with my clothing lately, I can hardly keep up. And I'm about to start an Etsy for it too. So for those of you who are in the market for a new swimsuit for cheap, keep your eyes out.



BIG DOWNS

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Twitter - Now, I'm going to completely discredit myself by saying I actually do HAVE a twitter... but I hate it. Do we really need to know what everyone is doing ALL THE TIME? Really?! I'm a twitterhater.

Technology - Again, discrediting myself by using a computer to "blog" about how technology sucks. But I'm over it. I'm over the iphone, I'm over the "new" thing that's just about to launch. I want to revert back to the way people were 100 years ago. Remember when people used to grow their own food, and raise livestock? Remember when people called each other on the phone or took the time to write letters? Remember when people used to watch out for their neighbors and know everyone in their neighborhood? Maybe it's the new mom in me that thinks we're headed for social disaster... but people used to talk instead of text. I find it so annoying when I'm trying to have a conversation with someone, and they're texting someone else. As if they'd rather be someplace else. Lame.

Internet "Fame" - Please. Really? Remember when people were actually talented?

Gay-haters - I adore the bumper stickers that say "I <3 <3". What do people have against love? As long as it's human to human consented love.. what do you care?!

Organized Religion - Watch "Religioulous" and you will understand.



And for those of you who just fish through my blog for pictures of my baby, I don't blame you....


Our little tub shark. 8 weeks.

besos y pesos,
<3 Pistolita

MAY 20, 2009 @ 12:48 PM


So today it's my birthday or something.

I don't remember where 22, 23, and 24 went... but apparently I'm 25 this year. Incredible.

Nothing, even my quarter century birthday... seems important anymore. Nothing compares to giving birth, and the arrival of the baby, so every other event is just kinda.. "wah wah".

I don't even want anything for my birthday. My baby daddy woke me up with starbucks and a breakfast burrito. For my plans, we are taking Levi to Gma and Gpa's house on Saturday, so that we can go to dinner and watch the UFC fights with a few girlfriends of mine, and complete the evening with 8 hours of sleep. That is my birthday present. 8 hours of blissful sleep. I haven't had more than 6 hours since Levi was born. So that in itself, is an amazing gift.

So for my birthday, leave me a message of YOUR best b-day. What did you do? What did it entail? What made it so special?!

______________________________________________________________________________________

This is my best birthday gift ever....

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


Whaddup Ladies.


I think I gotta fart...


Totally farting.


Get OUTTA here!!


Happy Fart Dance!




Besos y Pesos,
<3 Pistolita

MAY 10, 2009 @ 10:12 PM


APRIL 23, 2009 @ 05:32 PM



[Enter your image caption here]
APRIL 15, 2009 @ 03:57 PM



They grow so fast. Levi is almost 3 weeks old. He looks totally different to me already!

As for me, I'm back in my pre-pregnant jeans. I've lost it all but 6lbs. I've started working from home again, and my c-section scar is slowly fading away. I got to start driving again on Monday.

This is all the update I can manage right now, cause Levi is sleeping.. and that means I get to as well. smile

besos y pesos,
<3 Pistolita
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