Amor. Acrylic and graphite on wood. 36x36". 2010.

Just finished a commission for the perfect client - sees piece, exclaims, "I love it!", takes it home! It was really fun to do since I haven't been making paintings like this in a while. I forgot how nice it is to do simple and lovely. I also miss getting to interact with clients (the easy ones, anyway). It adds so much more to my job when I get to see how happy someone is with a piece. Locking myself away in my studio pumping out work while a gallery handles all of the customer service is awesome at times, but it's easy to become disconnected and lose some of what art-making is all about. I would say that the most rewarding part for me is seeing someone walk away happy. For a while now I've been debating with myself as to which direction I want to take my work. Do I want to keep making simple pretty paintings? Actually, I do! What a revelation! I enjoy creating something that makes people happy! When I'm working, the most satisfying part is seeing the pieces come together, that "aha!" moment, regardless of what the piece looks like.

I've got some ideas in the works. I've been thinking about them for a few years now but I think I'm finally ready to jump ahead and do them. At the end of this month there is nothing on the horizon in terms of commissions or shows, nothing solid anyways. It's a bit terrifying but at the same time exciting. I'm going to buy a bunch of new panels and get started after a little trip home next week to deliver the last commission and to see my family.

Life is so exciting!

Anima. Graphite on Arches paper. 30"x22". 2010. For sale.

New drawing. That is all I have to say right now.

Edit: The price is $600.

I've been very hesitant to post my prices online before now because of how things have fluctuated since the recession. I would feel terrible if an old client saw my current prices, but at some point everybody must admit that things have changed. This piece would have sold for $1400 a few years ago and if my work had appreciated consistently the price would be closer to $2000 now. Perhaps if I'd built up a strong following beforehand then I would have been able to maintain my prices but, alas, I am still in the early stages of my career (though things are picking up steadily now).

Another point is that there are some artists who survive solely off of their art and others who have day jobs. The latter can price their work high, holding out for the occasional purchase while the day job keeps the bills paid. My only source of income is art. Therefore, my prices are reasonable so as to keep a steady flow of income. I've also never been one to overprice my work. It's important that it is relatively accessible to everyone.

Anyways, I hope this doesn't sound like a rant or a complaint. It's really only meant as a tidbit into the "hard" life of the self-employed artist. I do love my life in every way and wouldn't trade it for anything. I've mused often about whether money would change my course in life (ie. settle for a desk job) but art is an essential part of my existence. Rich or poor, I would choose to make art every day for the rest of my life. So enjoy and if you are seriously interested in purchasing my work send me a personal message.

To continue my pondering, I have a client that said to me, "When I look I her, that's how I feel." This is exactly what I want to happen. A lot of people project things, creating narratives and turning my portraits into characters. They ask me what I was thinking about when I made the portrait, how it personifies me and my experience. They experience a separation between the portrait and themselves. My client gets it. She sees herself in the pieces. So I guess I have attained my goal to some extent. It may not go so far as to be universal, but I do think the experience depends very much on the viewer and what they are ready for.

There are times when I feel utterly in tune with things; completely open to the world; so in love with every bit of it that no sound, sight or taste can jar me out of my state of joy. That's when I can look upon anything and see the artfulness of it. Every painting or sculpture speaks to me and I "feel it", I feel joy reverberating back at me through the piece. There is always something about a work of art that will speak to you, you just have to be open to experiencing it. Sometimes you have to work a little bit harder, but it can be ever more rewarding when you finally do feel the connection. After all, I think it's a very noble pursuit to seek an understanding with everything and everyone that you encounter.

So much of my life is based on observation, contemplation, analysis. It is all bound up in what I experience physically. The fact that I keep my eyes trained on this, especially in my artwork, just perpetuates the cycle. What are our minds meant for? There seems to be a consensus that the mind tends to get in the way of true awareness, compassion, blissful existence. So perhaps it was meant for dreaming, creating, expanding the universe beyond what we have touched, concerning itself with things that the body does not already know. I know this is not a novel concept. Reading Ken Wilbur after watching Carl Sagan brings about some very interesting thoughts!

Is it possible to make artwork that is not coded with the everyday? I want to create using an entirely new vocabulary. Art that comes directly from the stream of consciousness before it touches the World, like catching snowflakes before they melt into the ground.

Perhaps, the point is not to create something that is totally alien in it's newness but something that, upon first glance, inspires an epiphany in it's viewer. Rather than reinforcing some earthbound bodily concept, it actually halts all sense of physical awareness to hold the viewer in a senseless state of experience. I wonder if it's possible to do that with my portraiture so that the viewer actually steps into a different awareness. I wonder if it simply all depends on the viewer...

Alex. 30"x22". Graphite on Arches. 2010. For Sale.

I have been working hard these days and have just finished a new drawing. I'm getting into the groove of working on different projects at the same time. There's the commissioned work, the collaborations, and then the personal pieces that take a bit longer, like this one. It's a little homage to the late Alexander McQueen, whose work is very important to me.

I feel that there is so much potential these days. Things are picking up. My energy has increased and I have lots of new pieces on the go. I met a terrific yoga instructor who has really inspired me. She's helped me awaken into my bodily awareness, past sensation. When I look at her I can see her old soul blossoming out, almost to the point of masking her physical youth. I've never met a person whose age was so indeterminable, like some days I could swear that she is in her mid 30's and other's early 20's.

The other day I learned something about myself. I realized that sometimes I do things with the expectation that they will get easier. While I was in a pose, going farther into the more advanced stages of it, I found that I was able to go deeper than I thought I could with my perceived level of fitness while at the same time being stressed to my max. That dichotomy of being on the brink of collapse and yet getting farther than ever before struck me and I realized that nothing will ever get easier. I may gain more, learn more, do more, but life will never get easier. Every new stage I reach will have new challenges. So my search for that idyllic life where I am suddenly freed of all responsibility, stress, and discomfort will never come. This makes me feel much more grounded and thankful for what I have.

Yay I did it! I chopped it all off myself. I had forgotten how much freakin hair I had. It took me so long to butcher out a shape and then fine tune it but voila! I want to trim it up a little bit more to make it perfect. I decided to do it myself since I wanted to save some cash and to see what I could do by myself. I figured if I did a really shitty job I could go to a salon to get it fixed. I like it because it's a bit boyish on one side and a bit retro-romantic on the other with the way my hair curls naturally.

Here is a before pic:


Long hair is fun but I'm not the type of girl to stick with one hairstyle forever. I'll definitely grow it out again one day.

Some new oil paintings that I just finished for an upcoming show. I'm quite happy with them.


Away. 18x18".


Submerse. 24x16".


Letting Go. 36x24".


(detail shot)

I'm so close to chopping all of my hair off... just for the fun of it. I probably look better with the boob length hair that I have now, which I used to fantasize about having for years. It all started when I would go to the beach with my beautiful girlfriends who would tie their looong hair up into messy buns or drape it over one shoulder. It was so sexy, it still is. Then I saw Penelope Cruz in Vicki Christina Barcelona and fell in love. I think it's time for a change, though. I can still watch hot girls at the beach and movies at home.

I'm feeling tapped in at the moment. Not quite removed from myself but just aware of my actions. A friend's words summed it up well , "... cannot afford to invest in my own misery...". Still working in the same old patterns but the awareness is coming in, shining light on them. Their durations are getting shorter and shorter before I break out of them and learn my lessons. I must remind myself that those patterns are only on the surface of me. They do not affect what is deep within, only mask it. I don't have to do or be more than I am or go anywhere other than right here.

Mmm, great sex makes everything better.