I have a question for everybody: I'd like to know what your opinion is on the dynamic between my persona as a nude model with my persona as a professional artist. I'm very curious because I always felt that I should separate the two, 'don't mix sex with business', because it would diminish me as a business woman yet I'm starting to wonder if this approach is becoming outdated.

As an example, I got an email from a guy that had seen my work, found my tumblr where I'd posted an eloquent nude photo of an asian model (not me), and thought that this might be a picture of me. Contrary to it making him take me less seriously, it seems like it actually made him more curious about who I am and in turn want to contact me and buy my work. Is this a rare case or do you think this is the norm?

I know that eventually all of these aspects of 'me' will have to merge. One day some scandal is going to happen where I am revealed as an SG . I'm not really concerned so much except that it might cause my father to have a heart attack if he accidentally stumbles upon my naked ass on the net or in some tabloid.

New painting:



It's a collaboration with another artist. Can you tell which part I did?

I look forward to the peaceful dead of night when I become a zombie who has neither emotion nor thought. I just work, create, paint, draw, eat. Too tired to worry or regret, I just putter away at my paintings and they magically unfold before my eyes. Around 6 am this morning, with the sun rising and the first few sips of hot chocolate in my mouth, I suddenly had an epiphany on this piece:


Babelfish. 14"x11". Acrylic and graphite on Arches paper.

I was looking at it and suddenly knew that there needed to be a fish on her cheek, as if her blush was becoming a flower becoming a fish. I couldn't even stop myself from grabbing it and working on it right then. It was just as Elizabeth Gilbert describes when one is struck with a tidal wave of epiphany. I don't even know how much time passed before it was finished, but when I looked up from the painting, all I could see were the invisible details that needed to be added to the other paintings around me. It's like I needed to post sticky notes everywhere to remember all the things that needed to be done.

Once that burst of inspiration subsided I was exhausted. It's hard to remain in that state, finishing more than one painting a day. At this point I don't have a choice, though, so I've been slowly working on the rest of my pieces. Managing to keep my anxiety at bay has been interesting. I feel like a completely different person when I start to worry and stress, it's paralyzing. Then all of a sudden that person leaves the room, I regain my composure and keep working. At least now my worry is not whether the work is good enough, it's simply about getting as much done as possible.

If you are interested in prints of my work...

I've begun practicing polyphasic sleep and it's been really revelatory. I only sleep for 3 hours out of every 24 by taking 30 minute naps every 3-4 hours. Primarily, I've noticed that my thinking mind has become a lot more quiet; I no longer think myself into paralyses, rather I do things as they come to my mind. I guess I would say that I feel slightly robotic but also more in-tune with the flow of things. I started this because I wanted to dedicate more time to my artwork, yoga, reading, LIFE but didn't want to just jump into an unhealthy cycle of caffeine and sleep deprivation. This way, I get to recharge every few hours with a nap so I don't need to touch coffee. Eating mostly raw has been beneficial for this since I'm neither wired nor fatigued by what I eat and therefore can function normally at all times. Sleeping has become a lot like meditating. It takes a bit of focus at this point to hit REM sleep within the first few minutes of laying down. Mostly I just follow the images that appear when I close my eyes rather than letting thoughts keep me awake.

A few things that have come to mind since beginning this little journey are: how much energy it takes to function using our sight. I find an easy way to recharge is to simply close my eyes. A massive amount of energy gets used up in seeing, interpreting what we see, judging what we see, then reacting accordingly, meanwhile maintaining everything else that is going on in our body. When you stop using your eyes for a few moments you save yourself quite a lot of energy. Conversely, in order to fall into REM sleep I train my concentration on what I see when my eyes are closed. What I see is actually a lot like being on LSD which, now that I am remembering, I don't believe I ever came down from the first time I used it though the experience I had was precluded by a vision of that experience months beforehand and therefore I can attest that I was 'crazy' before the LSD. I really just re-learned how to act 'normal' since I felt it was a good idea to be able to blend in with the crowd, but under the surface the epiphanic high is still going. I only have to let my thinking mind relax enough to let it all begin flow again. I do think this is a very good state to be in. Who honestly wants to be numb to the world all the time? My thinking mind finds existing in such a raw state a bit stressful, yes, but only because it has a hard time comprehending what it truly means to exist in the moment.

I guess the whole point of all of this is to find out what drives me. I've stumbled upon a lot of things that feed my addictions and a few things that brought me baby steps closer to realizations, but nothing I've come across has shown me more clearly what I need than spending so many hours awake. You can't hide from yourself and what you truly need, everything becomes glaringly apparent. I guess it's kind of like an elimination diet where I get the barest essentials of what I need through the raw food that I eat and the minutes of sleep that I get, and then I see what other factors in my life are adding to my existence or taking away from it. In actuality nothing takes away from a person's existence, except for ingratitude. And so, I am becoming increasingly aware of the things that I am grateful for. Acknowledging what I am appreciative of gives me a true burst of energy! I still enjoying the things that I do, especially making art, but more so who I am doing these things with.

I finished this:


From the Heart. 30"x22". graphite on Arches paper. For sale.

Here is a bunch more of my work...

Thanks for reading my early a.m. ramblings!

This little lady is in progress...


I was inspired by Frost's headpieces. They are exquisite things made with real animal skulls. She made one for me to wear to my opening where this piece will be on display (although I'm also considering submitting it to a drawing competition in which case it will hopefully be in a different opening). Either way, I am super excited to own something so lovely! I've promised to shoot a set with it and I know the perfect outfit to go with it. My Agent Provocateur lingerie has been stashed away for far too long...

If you are interested in prints of my work...

Life is so amazing! Today was all about stark contrasts. In the morning I started painting 2 new paintings and I'm really excited about them. Then I went with Choplogik into the heart of Hastings to help him work on a new project where he will be illustrating a map of health and housing for our local "untouchables" to find safe places to exist. We were taken on a tour to see a few of the buildings in person, going inside and witnessing things firsthand. One these had the highest mortality rate of any SRO (single room occupancy) hotel in Vancouver. It also had a really beautiful sculpture in the foyer, which was made by one of the tenants. I took pictures while Chop took notes. I never would have set foot in those areas on my own so it was an important opportunity to glimpse things that I typically choose to filter out of my consciousness. By the time we were done we were really hungry so we tried dismally to think of a cheap place to eat. I joked about going to one of the chill out rooms we'd seen on our tour where coffee and popcorn were given out for free. Instead we decided on Costco, which always gives out free samples but today there weren't many. Then we went into the Costco restaurant and saw that half a burger and a whole order of fries had been abandoned at a table. It was a tough decision not to eat it. In the end we decided to pay for fresh food.

It had been pouring rain outside but by the time we were finished eating it had abated somewhat so we rode our bikes home along False Creek. Living near the ocean is such a blessing! Once home, I opened my Twitter to find that a really awesome and well known artist has been tweeting my name alongside James Jean, Amy Sol, and a few other artists in his #FF. I am totally flabbergasted by this!

We are all just beings trying to exist, nothing better, nothing worse. Every second is a glorious opportunity to make a choice. What makes someone more well off than another? I live in a beautiful new apartment and I am willing to eat another persons garbage. I make art for a living, which is a dream for many. I don't consider my life to be a struggle in any sense of the word. All of my choices are made knowing that anything is possible and so my life is perfect. I am so grateful for it.


Mei. Acrylic and graphite on Arches paper. 11"x14".

I made this piece after watching Beautiful Losers (which happens to be the film in which the artist talks about surviving off of apples). I was reminded that I should take my art less seriously, to have more fun and simply enjoy the act of creating, of playing.

If you are interested in prints of my work...

I just delivered these 4 paintings to a new gallery that I'm showing with. I'm super happy with these because I've finally figured out my technique. I'm so anal that I am just not willing to bow down to the limitations of different mediums so I use them all - graphite, acrylic and oil! I'm utilizing the best characteristics of each. I won't go into the minutiae of it but essentially I am combining tight drawings with the boldness and speed of acrylics with the perfectly smooth blending and gorgeous depth of oils. I wonder if I am the only one who really notices the difference this all makes! Anyways, here is a crappy picture of them on my windowsill.



If you are interested in prints of my work...

PRINTS for sale!

I use Paypal via phoenix_suicide@hotmail.com. I charge a flat shipping fee of $10 within Canada/US, international orders will have to be calculated. Message me if you would like one, or a few , or if you have any questions.


Believer. 12.5"x10" (actual image size) on a 18"x12" sheet of heavyweight paper. $30

more...

Enjoy!

I've got prints for sale! All prints are $30 each + a flat shipping fee of $10. Message me if you would like one.


Bella. 16"x10" (actual image size) on a 18"x12" sheet of heavyweight paper.

more...

I never realized that I hadn't posted any of these images in my blog before. oops! So here you go. More to come.

My life is consumed by art these days. I've edited my days down to the bare necessities and things are great. Art, food, sex, love, yoga. The order depends on the day . There's no drama or strife, hardly any worry and if I do begin to worry the answers are right in front of me. I still spend far too much time thinking, but that's okay for now.

I just watched Beautiful Losers and Exit Through The Gift Shop this week and they put a refreshing spin on my art-making. Perhaps that is why things seem so simple and playful. I would highly recommend watching them, especially if you are an artist. Beautiful Losers was like hitting the reset button on my artistic brain. I stopped thinking myself into paralyses and started playing more. Exit... was ridiculous and funny. I thought it was the perfect example of Malcolm Gladwell's theories in action.

This summer is quite busy for me. I've got a big show in June that I went and committed myself to making 15 pieces for. That seems to be how I get productive, by making big promises. There are actually so many prospects right now that it's a bit dizzying. I'm trying to enter my work into local juried competitions and there are a few new galleries/spaces that want to show my work.

Here's a reference photo for a new drawing that I'm working on. I never use myself but I couldn't find a magazine photo that I liked. I actually photoshopped my head into this because I like the pose but not my expression.

Just finished a new collaboration with Choplogik.



Void. Ink, coffee, graphite on illustration board. 40x28. 2010. For sale.