New set is coming soon to MR!

I've begun doing little drawings.


Radeo

and

Mendacia

I think these ones turned out so well because I feel I have a connection to these women through SG. These 2 are already sold but I plan to do more, which will be for sale between $100 and $200. I've got 2 shows booked for late next year and somehow I have to keep the bills paid up until then.

Heck, this series might just end up being what I do for my shows, it's so fun and satisfying. Yet I feel like I should be doing more conceptually challenging work if it'll be hanging in galleries. I don't know if this is because I'm simply trying to make life difficult because I have a dumb complex about not taking the "easy path", or if it's because I really want my work to say more.

I feel like I have a lot to say! The older I get the more I see in the world around me that needs to be brought into a dialogue. Just having conversations with my male partner shows how much of a gap there is between a man's and a woman's understanding of each others experiences. An example: when a woman is asked about what she does to protect herself at night, she has a whole list of things that she's been told from a very young age, from not talking or making eye contact with strangers, staying in well-lit places, holding her keys to use as a weapon, to yell "fire" if someone tries to grab her, to cross the street if someone is on the same side... endless. Ask a man, and many will not have even considered the question before. To take this further, now one might see why a woman seems unapproachable or downright bitchy if you try to strike up a conversation with her outside at night - because she has been taught to view anyone approaching as a possible attacker. On the flip side, one can see why men might be insensitive to a woman's attitude at night because they have no idea that she's actually just trying to protect herself from being attacked. I had always assumed that guys were taught the same things as us, but my partner said something to the effect of "no, why would they be?". Edit: links to other writings on my point - here and here

Despite my partner being one of the most understanding and open people EVER, we still have misunderstandings that begin simply because we have different life experiences. There are things that set me off because of my childhood, called triggers, that cause me to get irrationally angry. Having my butt or boobs randomly grabbed is an example. First it makes my skin crawl with disgust and then I have the urge to stab someone, even the thought of it while writing this sets my heart pounding and hands shaking. My partner, on the other hand, is trying to understand why I'm now red with rage in front of him when all he wanted to do is show me he loves me. To me it's not a harmless gesture of affection, they way my partner might intend it to be. And I can't just get over it, it takes a lot of self-talk for me to calm down and reinforce that it can be a positive, loving experience. I've not really been open about these specifics in my past blogs, but I'm realizing more and more how first-hand dialogue is important for people to gain some perspective. I can't just assume that a new partner will understand and I shouldn't "hate on men" if nobody has told them these things before. It might be hard to understand if you don't have these kinds of reactions, have never been the victim of someone's assertion of dominance over you. Maybe it's possible to draw parallels, such as when a former boss mistreated you day in and day out, the feeling of powerless and anger that you felt at the time and, most importantly, how it affects your behavior today. The only way things will change is if we talk openly about our experiences without getting defensive or laying blame.

Anyways, I don't want to overwhelm you with this stuff, but maybe I have opened your eyes a bit. Thanks for reading.