I've been reading A Brief History of Everything and it is amazing, as I'm sure all who have read it know. I'm only 2 chapters in. I like to savor every word, sometimes rereading paragraphs out loud just to solidify the stillness that it brings about. It's been a while since I read something that made me vibrate with understanding. It's one of those books that captures my mind to the point where I feel my awareness seeping out from behind it and I can imagine life beyond ego. I'd forgotten what that could feel like. I'm still only grasping at knowing that there is something more than the distraction of emotion, fear, incessant thought, the desire to be understood. Right now it feels forced, as if I am not yet able to embody the knowing.

Or maybe it is really the other way around and I am being fooled by myself. It is not the awareness that feels forced, but the emotions, the thoughts, the desire, which are no longer seamlessly enveloped in my consciousness, that are causing me to feel ill at ease. I am at peace, my mind is not.