*evil laugh* I was horribly evil this morning and teased a good friend by putting horribly delicious thoughts in her head. She lives in the UK. I made her ever so horny, and she had to uh, relieve the horniness before she left her house today. This made me laugh. I don't think I've ever had a girl masturbate while thinking about me. For some reason, it strikes me as very amusing.

But everyone else, look out. I'm on a roll now and the day's just started...

Fuck me and leave me already.
Tired of being lied to.
Or maybe I'll leave you.
Don't want to...

Tired of your dishonesty.
And all your stupid lies.
Tired of being alone and lonely.
You're supposed to be mine.

Sometimes. I. Want. To. Stab. Myself.
But maybe I'll just stab you.
Love is a dirty whore.
Cause she makes me stay with you.

I need to bend that bitch over.
Show her how it fucking is.
I wish I were a sadist.
Then I wouldn't want you to hurt me again.

Why do I never sleep at night? *sigh* Well, at least it gives me plenty of stuff to show you all. Cause when I'm being an insomniac, that's when I do all my photography and photo-manipulating. *shrug*

So I'm sitting here and I haven't eaten in over 36 hours. And I'm wondering how the hell I did the whole anorexic thing when I was younger. Then I remembered: some serious dedication and severe depression. When you don't necessarily want to live, you can go without eating just fine. But meanwhile, I'm better now, and more than 20 hours without food makes me really hungry.

Now I've got a check to put in my bank account, so it'll be there first thing in the morning. But I don't like writing checks unless the money is already in my account (though my bank is badass and doesn't put a hold on the money when you deposit checks, it just goes straight to your account). So I wait another hour, and then I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to the store.

So I go inside, grab an Uncle Ben's Rice Bowl, a gallon of milk, and 3 muffins from the bakery. Then I calmly walk to my car, shut the door, start the engine, and proceed to tear open the bakery package and devour a muffin. *snicker* I'm sure you'd all just think I was damn sexy scarfing my chocolate chip muffin.

I saw myself on the front page today. What a trip. I know it just randomly puts girls up, but I've never seen me there. And that was my only excitment for the day. Yes, my life is that dull.

Tonight sucked.

I bought a jacket a few weeks ago when I had money cause it's getting cold enough to need one. A cheap jacket ($20 cause it's getting to be late in the season), but I really really liked it. But I hadn't worn it yet.

So a friend asked me for a ride home today. He was working at the far store, that takes like an hour to get to, and then to get back to his house, then back to mine, over an hour more. So I take my jacket and return it so that I'll have gas money to get there to give him a ride. Then I get dressed in this shirt I hadn't worn yet that I got at the same time as the jacket cause I figured, I had to return the jacket for gas money, I'm wearing this shirt so that I don't end up returning it for money too. Cause I like it, and I want it, and it's my first new clothes in a while.

So I go out there, pick him up, and drive him home. I thought I'd at least get to stay and hang out for a bit. I mean, I did drive forever far. But he says "Okay then, call me tomorrow?" and just like that, I was leaving. I totally got used for a ride.

I stopped by Walmart on the way home just to kill some time. I ended up buying a backpack cause I needed one. So I get to the checkout and the lady searches through the bag like they always do. And she pulls out a tie, which isn't mine and I haven't seen cause I blanked and didn't check the bag myself. I tell her it isn't mine. And she just looks at me.

Remember how I said I'm wearing my new shirt? It's a button-up...ya know, the kind some girls wear ties with.

So she totally didn't believe me at all. But it really wasn't mine. I didn't put it there. I hate getting branded for things I didn't do. Like now they all think I'm a thief. And if I had been trying to steal something, I wouldn't be upset about it. They'd be right. But I wasn't trying to steal shit, and they all thought I was. And that really bugs me.

I mean, I steal shit sometimes. *holds up hands to fend you off* I know, I know. It's wrong. But well, I'm from the ghetto (see Hometown). We don't grow out of shoplifting...we grow into it. It started out with food when I was hungry and broke, and well, now it's just something I do now and again: sometimes for that same reason (food), sometimes so that when I gotta take food, I won't be so out of practice that I get caught.

And I mean, as wrong as it sounds, it's kinda insulting that they think if I wanted to steal shit, I'd put it in something I was buying like that. Cause fuck, that never works and I'm not that stupid. Twisted arguement I know, but dammit, I've stolen from these people before and they've never caught me cause I've never done anything that dumb.

Meanwhile, they probably took my picture from a security camera now and posted it in the back somewhere with the word THIEF above it.

Note to self: next time you are starving and without food, cross the grocery section of Walmart off the list of possibilities...

Luckily, I've developed a quirky little friendship with the night shift greeter since I'm forever going there just to kill time since I'm an insomniac and it's 24 hours. So maybe if they ask around, he'll stick up for me. I doubt it though.

*sigh* Fuck...

Due to my shitty night, there's no picture for tonight's post. I've been picture updating every time I journal update. But I'm not in the mood to show you all how I look right now, cause I'm kinda pissed. So I highly doubt I'll be photogenic, ya know?


Edit:
I've been reflecting on this and considered taking it down. But I ultimately decided anyone who thinks I'm beneath them now can fuck off...that's all

I am a loser. No really...

My best friend told me to call at 7 tonight and we'd hang out. I called and she didn't answer. I called at 7:30 and she didn't answer. It's weird for her to not answer her cell, which is why I called again instead of just letting it be. So now it's 8, and I just called again. She did answer. She's watching a movie with her mom.

No hanging out with me then. Wow do I suck...


But in other news, enjoy my silly picture. Yes, I know it's dark, I want it that way. Now rock the fuck on!

I've completely hit a new low of late. Seriously. One I never thought I'd hit. I'm not depressed about it, I mean, everything's a new experience. But I never thought I'd be here. It's insane. I'd go into detail, but well, I don't want the pity comments, ya know?

It's Wednesday now, but I'm still bored out of my mind. Oh well, Nikki and I might do something fun tonight. She said she'd call since she has off work. Me, I'm fucking bored. I should be working right now, but I opted out. Really tired today. It's not my regular job anyway. Still, I could use the cash. So I'm going tomorrow instead a full day instead of just a half day today. All day Friday too. Best part of working that job is since I'm not technically hired, they don't take taxes out. I'll make a little over $100 in two days. That's awesome shit, makes me happy. I downloaded a hell of a lot of techno last night cause I don't really have much. The DJ I worked with is almost done with the song we did, and a friend mentioned the other day that he might have found another DJ that wants some vocals as well. That made me day, really did. Love it! Well, that's all for now. Tell me about your life cause mine is fucking boring.

Another boring ass day. Sundays blow. I gotta figure out some fun for tonight...