I've been seeing quotes lately and questions on what it means to be a Suicidegirl. People ask me my thoughts on it all the time, whether it be girls wanting to shoot, or friends, or even people I work with.

When I first joined in 2009, my outlook on Suicidegirls was that it was a haven for girls who aren't your cookie cutter blonde Playboy-esque girls who always say "Ew, no I've never even seen Star Was" or the girls who were too good for video games, or girls who were just fucking snobby and too good for anyone but themselves. I knew I was different when in high school, I'd come home and play half-life and Rainbow Six on PC everyday after school.

Then college came and I was a social butterfly for a bit, until I met World of Warcraft. We dated and it got pretty serious for about 4 years. While my sorority sisters were going out to the bar- I was staying in with WoW raiding all night together, and man was it hot!

My idea of flirting was /dance /sexy /laydown.

Then I moved to Columbus after I broke up with my fiancee. Moving to Columbus was the best idea I've ever had in my life. I've met some amazing people, and some not so amazing people, but either way- it was still a great choice.

But back to Suicidegirls. I've noticed over the years, that Suicidegirls are supposed to be your not so normal, non-cookie- cutter girls. But a lot of girls try really hard to make themselves more alternative it seems.

I've always prided myself on being me. I hate wearing black- in fact I never even owned any black clothing until I worked at Victoria's Secret!

I'm not atheist because it's the cool thing to do. I've been atheist since I was 16. And trust me, growing up in a town the size of 2,000 with 14 churches, I WAS THE OUTCAST. My friends tried to get me to come to church with them and save me, and I knew it wasn't for me. (Maybe it was the clapping and jumping in the air, people screaming "Yes Jesus!" while the kid on guitar does a rock solo to Amy Grant's Christmas album.. who knows)

I just feel like it's all the same. Being an "alternative" girl I'm supposed to like upside down crosses, and love weird indie bands, and be vegan, and like blackmilk leggings.

Truth is, I hate all of those things.
I like to hunt, I may be atheist, but I don't like upside down crosses (maybe it's because I have some respect for the church and religion, not much- but enough). I hate most indie music (about as indie as I get is the Killers). I love country music and musicals. Being vegan- to each their own but I fuckin love me some bacon.

I'm me

• i like the color pink


• i like to wear Abercrombie


• I've golfed since I was 7


• I came from a military home so I 100% support the military and the troops.


• I like dogs and hate cats


• i like taking four wheelers on trails and mudding


• i like that i busted my ass for an education


• i like that my favorite game to this day is revolution x for sega


• i like that in a zombie apocalypse, i'd actually survive because i know how to hunt and have since i was younger


• i love to go fishing and love that i can bait my own hooks


• i love that i wanted to be an egyptologist and astronomer when i was young


• i love blood marys


• i hate seinfeld.


• my two dream men are Vegeta and Garrus Vakkarian


• I love the Civil War era. I've always wanted to be involved in a reenactment.


• i have tattoos, but they do not define who I am


• The only drug I've ever done is weed.


• I hate cigarettes, but love cigars

I guess at the end of the day, I always feel like a square. I don't like to go out and party. I'd rather stay at home and watch Netflix or play Dance Central 3 and get really good at Justin Bieber's songs. I just really appreciate the people who let me be me, and still love me for it. I've had some amazing friends here in Columbus who let me do that, (Alissa, Sunshine, Tovi, , _Hawthorne_, Drama and I wouldn't trade them for the world!)

And to me, that's what being a Suicidegirl is. Being who YOU are. Not what is acceptable by stereotypes. Just because you're alternative looking- it doesn't mean you have to be this incredibly alt girl in and out.

So make 2013 about finding who you are and not who society or anyone else wants you to be. Be you. And if people don't like that, well, fuck them.

-Marilyn Monroe

So rock on 2013, Don't drink and drive. And everyone have a safe and wonderful new year!
I'll probably still be sick, but c'est la vie.


xox