I can't do a proper blog update. too sleepy and there are way too many photos I need to upload from California.
but Slamm and Kurosune did some great mini blogs and so I'm sure you can fill in the gaps with my, Milloux's, Kurosune's and Slamm's instagram posts...

that being said, I felt the need to write something.
here.
right now.

so I will write about what you guys know me best for: a detailed account of my shambled romantic life.

How is it possible that I'm crushing on one boy that's pretty into me but also completely smitten with a guy who I can't tell if he's into me--save for others telling me that he thinks I'm attractive? We have many mutual acquaintances, some of which are better friends with him than I am but it's still so frustrating. Every time we talk, he just has this poker face. This indiscernible shield of sexy, possibly brooding, possibly insane veil of doom that I just can't get through. And it's not like we talk often to begin with. I can count on one hand how many times we've talked in person, though facebook might say otherwise....

Maybe I just think about him too much.

And that's where the other kid came in. He was supposed to be the distraction! But the distance of my trip to California definitely helped and hurt both relationships. I started talking to the distraction while I was there and from that point on, allll I wanted was to meet him (THANKS AGAIN LET'S DATE/Sean). That may or may not happen this weekend.

But he got supremely weird after a phone call the other night and still hasn't explained what happened. I'm not one for dramatics of that sort. honesty really would suit me fine. It's not like I don't know he works late. but then too, one of the last things we talked about before the magically abrupt ending was his ex. Which I didn't want to know anything about except how long ago they'd broken up. Which has only been like 4 months tops.

So that already seems like not enough time lapsing for how much of a cunt she was...

But he's so adorable. He keeps a dream journal and plays drums. His band is actually pretty decent and the music snob in me was pleased by that fact.

But with the one I'm actually hardcore smitten with...

I think it's that I like the idea that he's unobtainable so it gives me something to fantasize over. And not even sexually. But literally like creating entire mental cinematic masterpieces of us drinking coffee (or whiskey) and laughing about Kerouac and Bukowski, listening to the Distillers, holding hands and my head falling against his shoulder on the way home in a taxi.
Alternate planes of existence where I am happy with him and he's happy with me.
WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!!! ><
Can I kill the hopeless romantic in me? I hate this agony. Unrequited love isn't my fucking jam.

UGH.
I have so much other stuff to think about (but not worry about--thankfully, I'm far from that path). I dunno. You guys weigh in.

What is my little wayward bunny soul to do?
--
on a happy note, I just want to thank everyone for voting on Dopeness and in turn making me a SuicideGirl. Is it weird that I kinda feel like now that I have it, I don't deserve it? :/

Especially since so many of my babely friends can't completely share it with me since they're still hopefuls

--
I just got a text from that hideous fucking leech, S.
Clearly it's time to go night night.
I stopped talking to him after he insinuated that fucking him was more important than my safety or sanity during Hurricane Sandy...yeah...that happened.
he's text me twice in the last week or so now. I think he thinks that it's been enough time and I've "forgiven" him by now. L-O-L if only I could tell him to go lick the asshole he crawled out of but I'm literally NOT responding to anything he says.
Especially texts that only read "hey" at 2:30 in the fucking morning...ugh. what a bastard. kill yourself.
--
I will take my leave now, lovelies.
I'm starting to lose track of everything and probably won't make too much more sense soon.
Hope all is well with you all.
good night.

creep awayyy:
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Love hard. Live fast.
x0!