And just when i was starting to complain about the daily routine, life hits me hard with surprises.

1-Pookey and I are facing problems that can determine our future. 2- After 8 years of not seeing my Dad i will finally get to see him in TJ on the 8th which is a HUGE emotional thing for me. 3- Pookey's grandpa was diagnosed with Leukemia and he's on his last days. 4- An old freind sends me a random letter apologizing and thanking me at the same time. Oh, did i mention we used to date? HUGE confusing and sad love story to it, which is why has me speachless.

So as you can see, it's nothing but an emotional knot.

I went with my mom yesturday to visit Pookey's grandpa, his mom was crying and we were there for moral support. The poor guy was struggling for his life. It just hurt to see him in so much pain. Last time i saw him we was walking and happy to see everyone, now he can't even talk. It made me realize how much i love my parents and hope to God they don't go through that al though they might go through something similar. I began to cry.

When he was able to talk and his cognitive functions were in good standing, he signed a form stating that he didn't want anything to keep him alive. Right before losing his consiousness and speach ability, he said he was ready to go. He tries to get up once in a great while, mentally he's strong but physically he's weak. He hasn't ate in days. His organs are no longer functioning and the doctor told the family not to attempt to feed him because his body won't process the food. Instead it will sit there and rot. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have that told to. To have a doctor tell you that there is no hope and the only thing to do is let them die. So easy for them to say since they are just a patient to them and have seen so many people die before they just became used to it.

I sit by Pookey's and his family's side while they are going through this difficult loss.

My mind and body feel like there is no time or space. These awful feelings won't go away. These intense events just hit all of a sudden affecting everyone around me. I guess, i feel this way because i have no control. Because the outcome can be too painful to go through. I can cry of joy but the fact that the emotion is so intense that i need to cry its unexplainable. I'm trying to hang in strong and hold myself together but i'm afraid i'll just collapse.